Womp

That's the best title I could come up with and I'm sticking to it. It's 645 on a Friday night and I'm still in the office but this is honestly the quietest place where I can get stuff done. My blogging skills have been non-existent lately, I've been so busy with work and life that I legit barely have enough energy to make it past my living room and into my bedroom sometimes. I'd just like to point out that it's only the second week in February and I've already had enough drama to last me the next six months. You guys probably don't know this but Bethesda is a very small place. Everyone knows someone is some way, shape or form. People are usually known by first and last name because everyone's friends on Facebook. It's such a small town that it's "affectionately" known as Bethesda High School; you do something on a Friday night, you wake up Saturday morning and whatever you did the night before is being whispered in everyone's ears. It was only a matter of time before word got back me. Let's just clear this up, I'm not sleeping with Ali Baba. I dated his best friend, the Corporal. I'm not down with pulling an LRog move and sleeping with an entire group of friends. I am 24 years old, I'm quite capable of having a friendship with a guy and not sleep with him. And the rumors of me doing blow in the parking garage behind Relic? Totally not original. LRog, you're so silly to think that I don't remember that night from many years ago when I caught you doing the very thing you are accusing me of doing.  If you're going to lie about me, at least be creative because your boring lies really don't do my personality any justice.

Ladies, thank you very much for continuing to spread rumors about me. I especially love when stupid people question me about whether or not the stories are true, as if I was urban legend. The mere fact that you're talking about me, whether good or bad, has put a little extra pep in my step. I would sincerely like to thank you for huddling in the corners of bars and talking about me, you are unknowingly giving me the run of the bar. If you're going to talk about me and spread lies about me, at least be creative and use your imagination. Your boring and recycled lies really don't do my personality any justice. Last but not least, thank you for letting me know that I'm still on your mind. That makes me smile. Just remember that sometimes, karma saves the best for last. 

Anyway, I no longer work at The Box Bar & Grill, where the girls are sexy and the wings are sexier. That's their slogan, what does that even mean?! I don't want sexy wings, I want delicious wings. I'm not going to lie, I had so much fun working there but fun doesn't pay my bills. And I kinda like wearing clothes when I work. It's funny how now, I kinda miss wearing the Under Armor shorts. At least I kept mine. In other news, I work at a sushi restaurant now. I'm a server AND a bartender (cue the Jeffersons's theme song now). I'm doing big things now! As much as I hate working in the service industry, I've always wanted to be a bartender. I have amazing friends that didn't like me working at the Box so they took it upon themselves to find me another job. My boss, Mo, is actually someone I've known for a couple of years just from going to a certain hole in the wall bar. He would always go there with the bartender from Tommy Joe's, who coincidentally enough used to date LRog (that's how I met her). Anyway, Mo told me that he was going to start me off serving and then transition me to bar training as soon as he could. He was good on his word and I've been training with him for the past couple of shifts. It's literally been wearing me out because I've been working my day job and then some nights I've been going in for training after. By the time I get home, it's well passed last call and I'm exhausted. I have my first official bar shift next Saturday night. I think Mo is crazy for throwing me to the wolves  like that, I don't think I'm ready but I'm going to do it and I'm going to run train on it. 

I'm tempted to go out tonight but I didn't get home until 430 this morning (that's a story for another night). I have big girl things to do tomorrow like get my taxes done and go to the gym. Womp. 

Things happen for a reason, right?!

Things are good and life is good. Things with the Corporeal are great so why is it that I can't get a certain person out of my mind? Every time I think about him, my heart beats a little faster and my palms get sweaty. It's not even like I would rather be with him or anything like that. I don't know what the hell it is. I found this little gem online and it all made sense...

Boys smell like an unidentifiable musk. Each one comes with his own unique fragrance and the second you come in contact with it, it’s locked into your memory forever. Because even though it’s hard to pinpoint exactly what it is, you’ll smell it for years to come. You’ll smell the boy who used to love you in the summertime at a grocery store when you’re 25 or maybe even 30, and it will stop you dead in your tracks, temporarily paralyzed by a memory. You feel like you don’t have a right to sniff that smell anymore so you make a beeline for the exit and get the hell away from it. You go home and drown yourself in your own perfume and try to erase its mark.

Last time I checked, I had no desire to actually be with him. I think that I just miss the way things were and all the things we used to do. As I wrote that sentence, I realized that we never actually did anything though. So basically, I miss not doing anything with him... does that even make sense? I don't even know what I'm saying but in my mind, it totally makes sense.

The other night, I had a dream that I was out with Little Chief Swag. We were walking down the street and holding hands, I was laughing at whatever stupid thing he said. It was so real, so familiar but then all of a sudden, his girlfriend showed up and I literally started to disappear into thin air. I woke up in bed next to the Corporal and for some reason, I wasn't expecting him to be there. It was almost as if I was half expecting Little Chief Swag to be there; it made no sense, considering I went to sleep in the Corporal's bed. I woke up in some guy's bed and I dreamed  about a completely different guy. WTF? There must have been something that triggered my memory and I didn't realize it until I was asleep. I think know I'm rambling, sorry.

I feel like the only reason I keep thinking about him is because his stupid little girlfriend keeps tagging him in pictures and they keep showing up in my newsfeed. She's not even pretty, I'm sure she's a stupid bitch. Yes, that is my jealousy talking and no, I don't care if it makes me sound childish. Perfect quotes for moments like these...

A recap of my life

As promised, I have an update about everything that's been going on in my life lately. In all honesty, I don't even know where to begin.

A couple of weeks ago, I was with LRog because we both had the day off so we made it a point of having all day shenanigans together. We went to Arlington to pick up her pay check from the gym and we had lunch; it was a nice, big kid, leisurely affair. We eventually came back to this side of the pond and went to Target. It's official: no matter who I go in there with, I always walk out with shit that I do not need. LRog and I were walking around the men's department because the clothes are so much comfier. I ended up buying a hoodie, a flannel button-down (I totally needed it) and some other useless shit. We left there and went to the bar, I don't even think that it was 5 o'clock yet. Nothing ever stops our party. Her friend, the Corporal, came to hang out with us. I knew who he was when she mentioned his name because I facebook stalk/investigate. Technically, I had done no wrong because he came up as one of the friends that Facebook suggested for me. Anyway, he shows up at the bar and he is hot as shit in person. He smells delicious (always a plus), he's funny, he's all around kind of amazing. He's only kind of amazing because I'm more amazing, duh. We get along really well and we agree on the same things but we always disagree reasonably (meaning that I don't want to punch him in the face for expressing a different opinion). We've been hanging out a lot lately. He was semi-dating this girl when I met him and everything that he told me about her were red flags that she was crazy. I finally got to meet her at his birthday party. Bitch was crazy as fuck, legitimately. He was already pretty much over the situation but a small part of him was hoping that it would work out. Then I showed up, wearing heels and a dress (that only happens on rare occasions) and he forgot all about that crazy bitch. Oops.

The Corporal and I hang out so much that when his boys invite him out, they assume that I'm going to come too. That's not the case; I want him to continue spending time with his boys, I'm not one of those girls that will take over his life because I want to spend all my time with him. I need my space. Can we just talk about how he took me to dinner at his parents house?! He took me to meet his parents on the same day that we slept together (oops on my part). Seriously though, he asked me and the way he said it, I really didn't have a choice in saying no. I was mildly freaking out in the car (silently of course) because I was thinking about the significance of what was about to happen. I was totally overreacting. I take people guys or girls to meet my mom all the time just because it's not unheard of for her to stop by my place randomly. I checked with LRog to make sure that I wasn't going crazy/looking too much into the situation...I was. He takes people to his parents house all the time, she's been there plenty of times. I was totally relieved when she told me that. Whatever. I'm having fun with him and that's all that matters right now.


I'm a girl and at times, I like bedazzlement. I happened to be at the mall one day and something sparkly caught my eye out of my peripheral. My legs started moving before I could even register what it was. I walked into Victoria's Secret and stood there in front of the most amazing sight ever: an entire wall of PINK football themed attire. I couldn't care less about the Redskins shit because they're not my team but there was a shit ton of of Ravens stuff. LRog and I were actually speechless at how beautiful everything was. I wanted to buy everything because it was all black and purple, sequined and amazing. I'm not made of money so I settled for half of the shit...not even kidding.

I honestly don't know of anything else that has happened in my life recently. I've been so busy with work lately that my brain is fried.

While most people are out and about on a Saturday night, I will be at home cleaning my room...finally.

Kids these days have lost their minds

I actually had a good post to write but I was totally distracted by these stupid bitches that walked in. I'm sitting at Starbucks, attempting to do my homework. See how well that's going for me?! So anyway these stupid bitches were obnoxious, "I'm in high school and I own the world" kid of obnoxious; they were the kind of obnoxious that makes me want to high five people in the face. 

So anyway, these little (I only use that word because I'm so mature and shit) girls were so loud that everyone pretty much stare at them. This one girl, Little Miss Hot Body, was talking about how she didn't have any money and her parents were being such assholes by not giving her any. She went on to say that her dad had given her $400 last month and yesterday he gave her $315 for the month. She was bitching and moaning like it was the end of the world. Newsflash: you could get a job, bitch. 

That brings me to my next point...are all kids like that now?! If so, what the hell is going in the world?!? I swear on all that is holy that my children will never be like that. They will get a job as soon as they are old enough to work. There will be no discussion about it. My parents didn't raise me to be a little freeloading bitch. Now don't get me wrong, my dad would give me money every now and then but I've had a job every single day since I turned 16. I don't need a job and at times when I've been so frustrated with whatever I was doing, my dad wouldn't hesitate to let me know that. That's all fine and dandy but my thing is that I don't want to have to justify to anyone how I spend my money. Had I ever quit working and just relied on Daddy for money, I would have had to check with him before I spent it. I don't like having to justify shit so I kept working. I also kept working because it gave me something to do and it allowed me to meet people, most of  them were stupid but sometimes, you gotta take the good with the bad. Anyway, I said all that to say that if these kids think that they're going to be able to coast through college and life after that then they're very wrong. Their cushy little bubble will pop the minute that they step foot on that college campus their freshmen year. The real world isn't going to baby them. Bitches like that are going in the burn book.

Anywho, I'm thinking that I should do a future post that's a letter to my future children. I'll show it to them once they leave for college. I always see parents with their kids now and I actually get a little jealous because they look so happy. I know that I have no reason to be jealous but I still can't help it. It's weird. 

Also, I made a new section at the top of my blog for quotes that make me happy. I'm kinda glad that today is Sunday. I know that it's Fall and we're in October but it got unseasonably cold really fast. It's currently 40 degrees outside. The other day it was 70 and I was wearing flip-flops. I wasn't ready for this cold weather just yet but it's a good thing that I always have my Uggs ready and waiting. We play the Jets tonight. If we win this game, we'll get a higher ranking in the AFC and we'll most likely be right behind the Bills. The Steelers are now irrelevant to me because they suck. 

You should listen to this song because it's awesome. It also doesn't hurt that this guy graduated magna cum laude from St. John's. Sexy and smart?! I'm going to have his babies. 

Sometimes, I just need a sign that says "Fuck off"

Today is totally one of those days, I am so not in the mood to deal with anything or anyone. In fact, today  is that day that I will pray for anyone that decides to cross me...it will not end well for them. I just keep humming the theme song from the Sopranos. If anyone has watched the beginning of any episode, they'd see Tony driving down the highway while the song is playing in the background. I don't want to kill anyone at all, I just pretty much want to be left alone.

So anyway, the previous post that I wrote, completely disregard it. Mr. Southern Sexypants is a stupid, old, lame lame man. He said that Philly was too far (two hours) for us to go for the day. He said that since he works so hard and is so busy that he just likes to chill on weekends. Look douchecanoe, I'm not asking you to run there. I'm asking you to ride shotgun in my car while we drive there. Womp womp. Yeah I get that you're a busy person and all that good shit but here's the deal: I work two jobs and I'm in school. Newsflash: I'm busy too. He basically had this holier than thou attitude about the whole situation so I broke it down for him. I definitely fired off some feisty texts because I could sense his attitude and I definitely wasn't feeling it. Trust and believe that I let him know real quick that he needed to back up the bus with his attitude. For some reason, he assumed that I was trying to be his girlfriend. When I read that text, I actually laughed out loud. I probably wouldn't know what a relationship looked like if it hit me in the face. Yes he is amazing and yes I would love to get to know him better but not once did I express interest in being his girlfriend. For the record, I expressed hypothetical interest in having his babies but that doesn't mean that I want him to stick around afterwards. Long story short, we go back and forth about this, that and the other; I told him to let me know when he wanted to hang out because I wasn't going to sit around and wait for his ass to pay attention to me. He asked me if I wanted to hang out last night, I promptly vetoed that because I called out of work (I've got an asthma attack, fever thing going on right now) and quite frankly, I didn't want to be bothered with other people.  He asked me if I was mad at him for not wanting to go to Philly blah blah blah. No I'm not mad at you, I just think that you gave me the lamest excuse ever. And you're essentially preventing me from eating delicious cheesesteaks at Geno's!

Anyway, Lrog and I are doing dinner and a movie tonight. That will inevitably turn into a boy bashing event because we're pretty much fed up with all of the ones that we have in our lives. We agreed that we wouldn't go out in Bethesda tonight and there would also be no boys allowed. There's a problem with that second condition though, boys tend to flock to us. I'm not even kidding. Separately, we do just fine but together it's insane. Neither of us is quite sure how or why it happens. Either way, Lrog is definitely my partner in crime and I love her from the bottom of my heart.

In other "screw everyone" news, I essentially broke up with my friend Bruno. Normally, I would have a blog name for him but at this point, I don't give two shits. I went to middle school with this kid and we've been friends for a long time. I love him to death, I really do but sometimes, he's just too much to handle. We had some friends in town, people that we had gone to middle school with so we decided to go out. Let me give you a little background information, we all speak French so we usually talk shit about people in French when we're out in public. I do it discreetly and make sure my body language doesn't convey complete disgust for whoever I'm talking about. Bruno, on the other hand, will say shit to people as they walk by and he says it so aggressively that they automatically know that he's talking about them. The last time we went out, it was so out of control that I had to keep apologizing for his behavior. We went to my favorite sushi place because they have a late night menu and I, of course, was starving. We almost had to go somewhere else because Bruno was a dickhead to the bouncer. REALLY?! Let's be serious for a minute...I can do bad all by myself and I would really appreciate it if you would keep your shit together in a place that I come to on a regular basis. He was so out of line and was heckling the people that were walking by that we almost got kicked out, before I even got my food. I was livid. I asked him on multiple occasions to just shut the fuck up but that seemed to be hard for him to do. Another thing that he does that's not okay is that he actually leaves bruises on my body. He likes to leave handprints and bite marks. If we were sleeping together, I'd be kinda whatever about it but he hasn't stuck his ween in me so that shit's just not alright. That night, I basically told him to fuck off and he thought that I was kidding and that we would be hanging out a few days later. Not the case. He finally hit me up on Facebook chat earlier and asked me what the hell my problem was. Excuse me?! He wanted to know why I was ignoring him, I told him that it had something to do with the fact that he was a stupid fuck. We argued about it for a little bit and he tired to blame his behavior on the alcohol. That excuse doesn't fly with me because I know you've been drinking since you were 14 and you're 22 now. You know what I say to that shit...

I told him to go fuck himself and he told me to have a nice life. That's how the cookie crumbles.

I'm glad it's Friday. Lrog bailed for tonight because she forgot that she has to be at work early in the morning. That means that I'm going to run my errands on my way home from work and then I'm going to go home, put on my flannel pjs, open a beer and curl up on the couch with my laptop and Breaking Dawn. Don't judge me.



Disclaimer: The worst thing anyone can ever do to me is come between me and food. If you value your life, don't do it.

Friday, I've missed you!

Oh Friday, you always take so long to get here and then you only stick around for a little while. That's rude! Nonetheless, I'm so glad that you're here. That means that I can attempt to sleep in tomorrow. I will fully admit that I've been slacking like shit on blog comments and what not. I've been so tired lately that I have barely had the energy to do anything but work and sleep. I promise you that that will never happen again.

I've had a pretty uneventful day. I had to go to a meeting in Fairfax for work. I finally met the program coordinator that I had been working with (emailing/playing telephone tag with) at the Senior Employment Center. This woman is a little freaking hobgoblin! She looked Madame Serena from Teen Witch. If you haven't seen it or have no clue what it is, you really need to educate yourself because it's a crucial part of  the 80s. She was so rude and condescending to me today, she told me that I was too young to have my job and that I should work in an ice cream shop. That little bitch is lucky that I didn't kick the cane out from under her, I was very tempted. Anyway, she can honestly suck my non-existent dick, she's the perfect height to do it too.

Someone that calls themselves a friend of mine posted the new Rebecca Black video on my Facebook wall this morning. For some unknown reason, I actually watched the video. I couldn't stop watching it, and then I was humming along and bobbing my head to the beat. I caught myself mid bob and promptly deleted the post. Thanks a-hole. I'll get your ass back for that one.

If you haven't seen this video, please watch it. It's definitely a gem...

Happy Friday!

This week just keeps getting better

So I was totally going to post last night but I closed at the restaurant and by the time I got home, I was so freaking tired that I barely made it into my bed before my eyelids just stopped opening. I had forgotten how physically draining it was to work doubles at restaurant, on top of working another job three days a week. I just keep telling myself that I'm there to make money so that it will be easier for me to buy new living room furniture. I couldn't possibly have gone back there at a worse time because the end of the summer in Bethesda is a dead zone for restaurants. Since it's a pretty affluent area, most people/families go on vacation at the end of the summer before school starts again. That means that all the people that would normally come in don't because they're out of town. All the servers are complaining about not making money blah blah blah, they just don't know how to work the tables that they actually do get. I will hustle the shit out of my tables because I'm not there to make chump change on a dinner shift. That's exactly what I did last night, I hustled the shit out of all my tables and then once the manager started cutting people, I took the majority of the incoming tables until I physically couldn't take anymore.

Everyone that I have ever worked in a restaurant with will tell you not to get on my bad side and if it looks like I'm having a bad day, stay far away. I can be a raging cunt to the staff but schmooze the shit out of my tables. There are some customers that are just rude, no matter how nice you are; they're just unhappy people and want to take that shit out on everyone. There are these two women that come into the restaurant, they're twins. They live in the neighborhood up the street and when we see them walking down the block to come in, we all call "not it" because they are god awful people. I have, never in my life, met women like this. I don't even know how to describe them to paint an accurate picture. I waited on them and a few of their friends last summer for a girls night they were having at the restaurant. They yelled at me, they were blatantly rude to me and then they expected me to walk to the Giant around the corner because they wanted something that wasn't on the menu. You've got to be kidding me, right? They were dead serious and they expected the restaurant to pay for it. Three words: not happening bitches. Waiting on them was such a horrible experience that it reduced me to tears and I'm not a cryer. I was in the kitchen bawling because they were so horrific. Marco, the dishwasher, kept giving me napkins so that I could blow my nose and wipe my eyes; he kept saying soothing things to me in Spanish. At the time, I assumed that he was telling me to stop crying but looking back on it, he was probably saying some nasty shit because he's a dirty old man. Anyway, those women are the ones that send food back to the kitchen because it doesn't taste right, they send drinks back to the bar because they don't taste the way they think the damn things should. They're pushy, they're rude and they expect everyone to cater to them. I don't give a flying fuck who you are, I will not bend over backwards to accommodate you when you're not even going to leave me a 10% tip.

I walked out on the patio last night and low and behold, these two bitches are sitting in my section. I hadn't even greeted them and they were already bitching. My heart sank. I really wanted to kill the hostess for giving me that table and all I was thinking about was how I could phrase it just right so that one of the other servers would take the table instead. I decided to suck it up and wait on them. Their check was well over $100 and it was mostly alcohol. After the first round of drinks, I just kept the martinis coming because I knew they were going to be there all night and they were walking home afterwards. They kept telling me how on point I was and how personable I was. They clearly didn't remember me from before so I just rolled with it. These bitches fucking loved me last night. They said that I had given them the best service that they had ever had there, I couldn't help but smile at that one because they had told me, when I waited on them before, that I was the worst server they had ever seen. They asked me all sorts of questions about my life and what I was doing with it blah blah blah; I answered every single one with a smile on my face. I told them that I worked for the Red Cross and what I was doing there. The scarier of the twins offered me a job. I'm sorry, come again? You want me to apply for the position and you'll go to HR and specifically request that they hire me? The job pays 49K a year. That's more than what I'm making now. I want that job and I want to make it my bitch. But then, this big, unfriendly, neon sign popped into my head: SCHOOL! Damn you college, you are the bane of my existence. I told her that I would only be able to work three days a week and she said that that wouldn't work out because the job really is full-time. I would have been working in sales and PR; they were adamant about me having the personality for it. It sucks balls that I can't take the job but whatever. I'm just happy that they fucking like me now. And it really doesn't hurt that they left me a 50% tip.

It's nice that all the summer internships are winding down. I probably haven't mentioned this before but I'm the volunteer coordinator responsible for all the internships in our region (8 counties in MD & VA) and I'm also responsible for recruiting volunteers for Montgomery and PG County. We're going through a re-org again because National HQ is taking over some of our departments, cutting our funding and completely eliminating positions. The organization has been a very unhappy place because people aren't sure if their jobs are in jeopardy. That's completely understandable. If NHQ was taking over my department, I'd be worried as fuck too. But since we're an 80% volunteer organization, they're not touching the Volunteer Engagement side (which is my department). Thanks guys, it's nice to know that I can safely stay on the island. The job has kept me busy since January because people were looking for summer internships and all that good shit. That's how it just happened to fall into my lap. We kept getting internship requests and no one to filed them to so my boss voted me as the person in charge. She didn't give two shits about me not having a college degree, she just knew that I would own the shit out of it. And what did I do with the job, I made it my bitch. I, along with the heads of various departments, selected 9 fucking amazing interns that we really couldn't be more pleased with.  We held a going away party for them today because some of them are leaving next week. I basically did the planning, the donation soliciting (because NHQ cut our budget so we didn't even have the money for it), the supplies gathering, the set-up and the clean-up alone. My boss was supposed to help me out with some of the execution but per the usual, she was nowhere in sight in my time of need. I'll keep my thoughts about her to myself, it's safer that way. Since it's been so hot lately, we decided that it would be a good idea to have an ice cream social. I think that today was the first time that all the interns had been in one room all at the same time. It was nice to sit back and watch them interact with each other. It made me realize that they think I'm a lot older than I really am just because of the way I carry myself and they way I interact with people at work. Hearing them and watching them, they reminded me a lot of the way I interact with my friends. It was really nice to see that they all got along and that they could fuck with each other like old friends. Of course, I had to give a speech because I was the one responsible for placing them. To my surprise, the head of my department also gave a little one. She was so pleased with all the interns and everything that they have done for us this summer but she's also heard great things from them about me. She said that they loved the fact that I was so easily accessible and that they knew they could turn to me should they have any problems. They also liked the fact that I was easy to talk to. I've never been responsible for an internship program before and I really didn't know how to go about it. It was a trial and error process and definitely a learning experience; I wouldn't have traded it for anything. I honestly cannot stress enough how amazing my interns are and it's experiences like that that make my job so worthwhile.

In other news, a very wonderful thing popped up on my Facebook newsfeed today. The Ravens are opening their training camp to fan next Saturday. I read the post while I was sitting in bumper to bumper traffic on my way home from work. I got so excited that I nearly rear-ended the car in front of me. I am totally in there like swimwear. I'm totally wearing my Ray Rice jersey because I'm cool like that. He probably won't even remember me from Memorial Day, his loss. Maybe I can get player autographs or pictures with them. None of my friends are Ravens fan so I don't really have anyone to go with. They're all Skins fans because they're stupid or they're Cowboys fans because they just don't know any better.

Is it the weekend yet? I really want to sleep in!