A recap of my life

As promised, I have an update about everything that's been going on in my life lately. In all honesty, I don't even know where to begin.

A couple of weeks ago, I was with LRog because we both had the day off so we made it a point of having all day shenanigans together. We went to Arlington to pick up her pay check from the gym and we had lunch; it was a nice, big kid, leisurely affair. We eventually came back to this side of the pond and went to Target. It's official: no matter who I go in there with, I always walk out with shit that I do not need. LRog and I were walking around the men's department because the clothes are so much comfier. I ended up buying a hoodie, a flannel button-down (I totally needed it) and some other useless shit. We left there and went to the bar, I don't even think that it was 5 o'clock yet. Nothing ever stops our party. Her friend, the Corporal, came to hang out with us. I knew who he was when she mentioned his name because I facebook stalk/investigate. Technically, I had done no wrong because he came up as one of the friends that Facebook suggested for me. Anyway, he shows up at the bar and he is hot as shit in person. He smells delicious (always a plus), he's funny, he's all around kind of amazing. He's only kind of amazing because I'm more amazing, duh. We get along really well and we agree on the same things but we always disagree reasonably (meaning that I don't want to punch him in the face for expressing a different opinion). We've been hanging out a lot lately. He was semi-dating this girl when I met him and everything that he told me about her were red flags that she was crazy. I finally got to meet her at his birthday party. Bitch was crazy as fuck, legitimately. He was already pretty much over the situation but a small part of him was hoping that it would work out. Then I showed up, wearing heels and a dress (that only happens on rare occasions) and he forgot all about that crazy bitch. Oops.

The Corporal and I hang out so much that when his boys invite him out, they assume that I'm going to come too. That's not the case; I want him to continue spending time with his boys, I'm not one of those girls that will take over his life because I want to spend all my time with him. I need my space. Can we just talk about how he took me to dinner at his parents house?! He took me to meet his parents on the same day that we slept together (oops on my part). Seriously though, he asked me and the way he said it, I really didn't have a choice in saying no. I was mildly freaking out in the car (silently of course) because I was thinking about the significance of what was about to happen. I was totally overreacting. I take people guys or girls to meet my mom all the time just because it's not unheard of for her to stop by my place randomly. I checked with LRog to make sure that I wasn't going crazy/looking too much into the situation...I was. He takes people to his parents house all the time, she's been there plenty of times. I was totally relieved when she told me that. Whatever. I'm having fun with him and that's all that matters right now.


I'm a girl and at times, I like bedazzlement. I happened to be at the mall one day and something sparkly caught my eye out of my peripheral. My legs started moving before I could even register what it was. I walked into Victoria's Secret and stood there in front of the most amazing sight ever: an entire wall of PINK football themed attire. I couldn't care less about the Redskins shit because they're not my team but there was a shit ton of of Ravens stuff. LRog and I were actually speechless at how beautiful everything was. I wanted to buy everything because it was all black and purple, sequined and amazing. I'm not made of money so I settled for half of the shit...not even kidding.

I honestly don't know of anything else that has happened in my life recently. I've been so busy with work lately that my brain is fried.

While most people are out and about on a Saturday night, I will be at home cleaning my room...finally.

Sometimes, I just need a sign that says "Fuck off"

Today is totally one of those days, I am so not in the mood to deal with anything or anyone. In fact, today  is that day that I will pray for anyone that decides to cross me...it will not end well for them. I just keep humming the theme song from the Sopranos. If anyone has watched the beginning of any episode, they'd see Tony driving down the highway while the song is playing in the background. I don't want to kill anyone at all, I just pretty much want to be left alone.

So anyway, the previous post that I wrote, completely disregard it. Mr. Southern Sexypants is a stupid, old, lame lame man. He said that Philly was too far (two hours) for us to go for the day. He said that since he works so hard and is so busy that he just likes to chill on weekends. Look douchecanoe, I'm not asking you to run there. I'm asking you to ride shotgun in my car while we drive there. Womp womp. Yeah I get that you're a busy person and all that good shit but here's the deal: I work two jobs and I'm in school. Newsflash: I'm busy too. He basically had this holier than thou attitude about the whole situation so I broke it down for him. I definitely fired off some feisty texts because I could sense his attitude and I definitely wasn't feeling it. Trust and believe that I let him know real quick that he needed to back up the bus with his attitude. For some reason, he assumed that I was trying to be his girlfriend. When I read that text, I actually laughed out loud. I probably wouldn't know what a relationship looked like if it hit me in the face. Yes he is amazing and yes I would love to get to know him better but not once did I express interest in being his girlfriend. For the record, I expressed hypothetical interest in having his babies but that doesn't mean that I want him to stick around afterwards. Long story short, we go back and forth about this, that and the other; I told him to let me know when he wanted to hang out because I wasn't going to sit around and wait for his ass to pay attention to me. He asked me if I wanted to hang out last night, I promptly vetoed that because I called out of work (I've got an asthma attack, fever thing going on right now) and quite frankly, I didn't want to be bothered with other people.  He asked me if I was mad at him for not wanting to go to Philly blah blah blah. No I'm not mad at you, I just think that you gave me the lamest excuse ever. And you're essentially preventing me from eating delicious cheesesteaks at Geno's!

Anyway, Lrog and I are doing dinner and a movie tonight. That will inevitably turn into a boy bashing event because we're pretty much fed up with all of the ones that we have in our lives. We agreed that we wouldn't go out in Bethesda tonight and there would also be no boys allowed. There's a problem with that second condition though, boys tend to flock to us. I'm not even kidding. Separately, we do just fine but together it's insane. Neither of us is quite sure how or why it happens. Either way, Lrog is definitely my partner in crime and I love her from the bottom of my heart.

In other "screw everyone" news, I essentially broke up with my friend Bruno. Normally, I would have a blog name for him but at this point, I don't give two shits. I went to middle school with this kid and we've been friends for a long time. I love him to death, I really do but sometimes, he's just too much to handle. We had some friends in town, people that we had gone to middle school with so we decided to go out. Let me give you a little background information, we all speak French so we usually talk shit about people in French when we're out in public. I do it discreetly and make sure my body language doesn't convey complete disgust for whoever I'm talking about. Bruno, on the other hand, will say shit to people as they walk by and he says it so aggressively that they automatically know that he's talking about them. The last time we went out, it was so out of control that I had to keep apologizing for his behavior. We went to my favorite sushi place because they have a late night menu and I, of course, was starving. We almost had to go somewhere else because Bruno was a dickhead to the bouncer. REALLY?! Let's be serious for a minute...I can do bad all by myself and I would really appreciate it if you would keep your shit together in a place that I come to on a regular basis. He was so out of line and was heckling the people that were walking by that we almost got kicked out, before I even got my food. I was livid. I asked him on multiple occasions to just shut the fuck up but that seemed to be hard for him to do. Another thing that he does that's not okay is that he actually leaves bruises on my body. He likes to leave handprints and bite marks. If we were sleeping together, I'd be kinda whatever about it but he hasn't stuck his ween in me so that shit's just not alright. That night, I basically told him to fuck off and he thought that I was kidding and that we would be hanging out a few days later. Not the case. He finally hit me up on Facebook chat earlier and asked me what the hell my problem was. Excuse me?! He wanted to know why I was ignoring him, I told him that it had something to do with the fact that he was a stupid fuck. We argued about it for a little bit and he tired to blame his behavior on the alcohol. That excuse doesn't fly with me because I know you've been drinking since you were 14 and you're 22 now. You know what I say to that shit...

I told him to go fuck himself and he told me to have a nice life. That's how the cookie crumbles.

I'm glad it's Friday. Lrog bailed for tonight because she forgot that she has to be at work early in the morning. That means that I'm going to run my errands on my way home from work and then I'm going to go home, put on my flannel pjs, open a beer and curl up on the couch with my laptop and Breaking Dawn. Don't judge me.



Disclaimer: The worst thing anyone can ever do to me is come between me and food. If you value your life, don't do it.

Do the crotch dance!

I actually had shit that I was going to post, good shit too. But then I saw this video and I got so distracted. I'm not quite sure what to make of this shit. Once you watch it, you'll understand what I'm talking about. 

The video's got cameos from Simon Rex, Wilmer Valderrama (so sexy) and Ron Jeremy. At first, I was confused as to whether or not it was a real video. WTF?!? They're definitely at Venice Beach though, that place is legit. If you haven't been, you should go because it's pretty sweet.

Anywho...

If you guys haven't seen the movie Columbiana, you really should only because Zoe Saldana is hot and the movie's awesome. I was standing in line to get the tickets with my friend Lrog last night and some guy behind us heard us talking about the movie, he told me I looked like Zoe Saldana. That's not the first time I've heard that either. Lrog tells me that a lot. I don't see it but I'll take it because she's hot as shit.

We were just supposed to do dinner and a movie. The night turned into a movie and shenanigans. Every time we go, it's always something different. I really should start blogging about our adventures because they're fucking hilarious. I don't know what it is about the two of us but we really are partners in crime. I'm going to have to discuss this with her to see what her thoughts are on "The Chronicles of Lrog and Mrog" and I'll get back to you.

In other news, it's currently 57 degrees in DC. That is cold as shit, not really though. I'm not physically built for winter, I just don't have enough meat on my bones. Either way, I've definitely been bundling up. I had to break out my Uggs today and people looked at me like I was insane while I was walking down the street. Keep in mind that these people were actually wearing coats. Stupid fucks.

You know what I'm doing with my Saturday night? Laundry and homework. I'm not lame at all. At least tomorrow's Sunday and I can watch football. I'm going to watch the game with this guy that I met last night. He's hot as shit and he's from TN (southern accent included). Seriously though, he's hot as shit. I'll let you know how it goes tomorrow.

Weekend Recap

This post would have come sooner but I legitimately didn't have time for it, actually doing shit wears me out! Thursday was my mom's birthday, she swears that it was her 45th. Lies. Add about ten years and you'll have her correct age but to humor her, I keep wishing her a happy 50th every year. Anyway, being the nice daughter that I am, I bought her tickets to tour Fallingwater. If you don't know what that is, feel free to educate yourself here. I think that it is, by far, one of my favorite Frank Lloyd Wright homes. It's absolutely stunning. Our tour appointment was at 8:30AM (ungodly hour) and we left my place at 4:30AM (an even ungodlier hour) because we didn't want to get stuck in traffic or get lost. We didn't get stuck in traffic but we did get lost. Mommy blames it on the incredibly dense fog but I blame it on her inability to read a ginormous street sign. Seriously though, the fog was so dense and so low that we couldn't even see the brake lights on the car in front of us. Mapquest decided to play a sick joke on us and take us through the backwoods of PA. Kid you not, we were driving on two lane, rollercoaster like roads; there were cornfields on one side and cows and horse on the other. I was totally okay with that because I like to get down with nature. But then, I happen to notice lovely Confederate flags everywhere. My mom instinctively locks the car doors and we both check our phones...of course, we had no service. The dramatic person that I am, I immediately start ranting about how the car is going to die and backwoods, inbred rednecks are going to sniff us out. They're going to come find us and then they're going do horrible things to us AND make us squeal like pigs. I've seen Deliverance and everything that happened in that movie happens in real life, duh!

Anyway, we make it out of the Confederacy alive and we get to Ohiopyle, PA. Cutest little place I have ever seen. I really need to go back there for a weekend with a friend (preferably a boy) and shack up in a cabin and do nothing, or something depending on how you look out it. Anyway, we finally make it to Fallingwater unharmed. Smart girl that I am, I had forgotten to charge my camera the night before so it died halfway through the tour. Idiot. I did take some sweet pictures with my phone though. I really took the most random pictures ever.

We got back from PA a lot earlier than we thought that we would so I decided that we were going to the gun range because I wanted to learn about the classes that they offered. I'm really glad that Mommy went with me because it was really intimidating and had I been alone, I probably would have just walked out. She was not happy to be there at all because she thinks that I have anger issues and that as soon as I learn how to shoot a gun, I'm going to go out and buy one and start shooting everyone that pissed me off. We actually had a serious conversation about it that resulted in me getting really pissed off. She actually thinks that I would physically harm someone. REALLY?!? If that's the case mother dear, then you should reevaluate your parenting skills. I would never, in my life, actually physically harm someone. I don't have the time nor do I have the patience for it and oh by the way, I was taught that hurting others is wrong. That whole conversation with her thoroughly annoyed me.

Moving on. On Sunday, I spent some much needed girl time with my friend Chelsea. We had sushi and we went to see Our Idiot Brother. It was pretty good. I'm so glad that we had girl time because we really needed to vent and get things off our chest. She's so cute, I love her.

Today, I was supposed to go to the beach with my friend Bruno and his friend Philippe. That didn't quite work out because the weather wasn't looking so hot. Instead we decided that crabs were a better idea. Since Philippe had never been to Annapolis, we decided to go there to stuff our faces. I'm from Maryland so I'll crush the shit out of some crabs but today I wasn't quite feeling all the work . We settled for a dozen crabs, shrimp and a shit ton of fried because we're cool like that. After we stuffed our faces, we decided that  going to Ikea was a good idea. Seriously, best idea ever. I love that store but I hate it when I go in there and don't have the money to buy everything that I need. I saw that couch and all the furniture that I want for my apartment. I needed to go and see that shit, now I'm totally motivated to get back on that track. After we left Ikea, we went to Coldstone because we're fatties like that. I pay no attention to college sports so I had no idea why the traffic was so bad in College Park. Turns out that University of Miami was playing UMD and that's why traffic was so bad on Route 1. Damn football.

By the time I got home and sat down on the couch, my exhaustion finally settled in. Tomorrow, I promise a picture post with all the good shit I took at Fallingwater. Until then, I'm going to catch up on my sleep.

Later bitches!!

Just a quickie

This is just a quickie because I'm starvin' like Marvin and I need to meet Big Poppa at his house in a little because we're going to the movies. We used to have father-daughter dates all the time when I was younger but as we've gotten older, our schedules have gotten in the way. We try to make it happen at least once a month though. 

Anyway, serious stuff...

My email has been playing tricks on me by sending most of my recent comment notifications into my spam folder. Not cool AOL! (Don't pass judgement on my ancient email account) I never check my spam folder because it's spam, duh. Anywho, I happened to come across a comment in the section on my dashboard and I nearly creamed myself with joy. Yeah, I said it. I had a bunch of them that I had missed. I was reading thru them and out rightly laughed several times, you guys are funny. Shane Pilgrim told me that I wasn't a raging cunt. That has to be one of the nicest things that anyone has ever said about me. Can we all be friends in real life? It'll be like The Breakfast Club. I call dibs on Ally Sheedy's character, minus the dandruff thankyouverymuch. AND we can even have a sweet dance number like this one...

Shane, to answer your question, my mom is Persian. She doesn't speak Farsi at all but if I started learning, I think it would motivate her enough to start and it would be so legit if I busted out some Farsi at the bar one night. I don't really have friends that speak Farsi so I wouldn't have anyone to practice with. I think it's hard to get authentic Persian food anywhere in the states. I haven't had food cooked by actual Persians so I wouldn't know what to compare it to. There are some pretty decent restaurants around here. And now I'm craving Persian food, nom nom nom. I'm so hungry right now. 

Something super amazing happened to me the other day and I still smile every time I think about it. I was at Tommy Joe's (my favorite bar ever) the other night with the guys and I ran into Patrick. I've never blogged about him because I have no idea why I never blogged about him; he's way too hot to be left out. Anyway, he used to work in the women's shoe department at Nordstrom's and I used to see him every time I went in (I have a shoe problem so it was pretty often). He was always so nicely dressed too, so given everything I thought about him at first glance, I assumed that he was gay. We've established that he's definitely not gay. Even better, he's not gay and he has a crush on yours freaking truly. When I ran into him at Tommy Joe's the other night, he was very flirtatious and I totally ate that shit up because he's so good-looking. He pulled me aside and flat out told me that he has had a crush on me since the first time he saw me. I really don't remember the first time I saw him but I know my first thought was "He's hot as shit, too bad he's gay." Silly girl, always so quick to judge. He said that he would love it if he could take me out sometime and get to know me. I very nearly creamed my shorts. I gave him my number and before he left the bar, he cut through the circle of guys I was talking to, gave me a kiss on the cheek and said that he would call me the next day. He actually called but I was already asleep because my body's been struggling to stay awake passed 830 (such a loser). We're going to the zoo tomorrow. I have a date. I don't know how long it's been since I've had a proper date. I don't know what to do, how to act, what to wear. I'm nervous and that's not really like me. What if he's crazy and totally ruins my fantasy of him being a stud machine?! I hate it when that happens. So I will continue this post about my date tonight when I get home from the movies/bar(s). Or tomorrow, while on the date. 

Can I blog on the date? That might be awkward. Hey dude, don't mind me; I'm just over here blogging about you. No, you can't read it. 

 I will, under no circumstances, tell him about the blog. When If he goes all "fatal attraction" on me, I will be talking serious amounts of shit about him. To eliminate him knowing too much about me, he will not be allowed to read the blog...even if we get married and have beautiful children. Note to self: do not mention that you want to have his beautiful children.  

This is me freaking out, just a little...

Is it Monday already?!

So I finally created a new playlist. This one's pretty legit too. I wasn't quite sure what kind of mood I was in when I got to work this morning so I opened AOL radio and picked a random genre. I ended up picking Indie and then it gave me more choices. I'm not so good with choices when I'm in an undecided mood. I looked over the options and picked Indietronica. That was totally what I needed. I've been listening to it all day. I've been productive and I've been on top of shit at work. Good music always hepls to make things better. Today's not such a bad day after all.

Saturday turned out to be a good day. I went to Starbucks to blog after my little run-in with a crazy man and then I went to Mommy's. I was supposed to hang out with Little Chief Swag but he was being such a douche that I told him to suck a fat one. It was still early in the day and I had already reached my douchebag quota for the day so I wasn't about to deal with the Chief and his PMS. When I got to Mommy's, I told her about the stupid racist and she just started laughing because she knew that I probably would have stood there and tried to make him see the error of his ways. I'm stubborn like that. We went to Arundel Mills because I wanted to go to Bass Pro Shop. I've been trying to get in touch with my wilderness side for some time now so  I decided that I needed a camo hat. I got a pretty legit one. I should have taken a picture of it but I wasn't thinking. When I wear, I'll post a picture of it. Some dirty old man tried to get me to buy a duck caller. He called me over to his counter so that he could stare at my boobies. Not cool, especially when I'm looking right at you! Why on Earth would I need a duck caller?! His response was that I would use it to call ducks. Thanks you stupid fuck, I couldn't figure that out on my own. I managed to only walk out with a hat; that might have something to do with Mommy refusing to let me by a bow and arrow. She said I didn't need it. Erroneous! I do too need a bow and arrow. How do you think I'm supposed to annihilate stupid people and save the world with my ninja skill?! Thanks for being a buzzkill, Mom!

I took my friend Bianca out last night because she just turned 21. We went to Rio for swirls and one of the guys from work showed up to drink with us. We're all in the middle of a conversation when I see this guy walk into the bar. I stopped mid-sentence because I knew that walk and I knew that face, there was no mistaking him for anyone else. The only I wasn't sure was because I was fairly certain that he was still in South Carolina. I even went to length of having the bartender IDing him so that I could be sure that it really was him. That's creeping at its finest for you. It was Carter, in all his Tucker Max-ness. He's my brother's best friend. My brother, of course, isn't my biological brother but we grew up together, his mom and my mom are best friends; as far as everyone is concerned, we're brother and sister though. Anyway, Carter is kinda like my older brother too because we would all hang out together when we were little. They're three years older than me and I worshiped the ground they walked on. They tried to stuff me in the dryer when I was 4 because they thought I would fit. Turns out that a 4 year old version of me actually fits in the dryer just right.  They also thought that it was a good idea to play soccer in the house, I was just sitting on the couch watching cartoons. One of those idiots kicked the ball so hard that it bounced off the wall and knocked a picture off the opposite wall. The ball hit it so hard that it shattered the glass. Upon hearing the sound of glass breaking, Joey's mom came downstairs and saw me sitting there, scared shitless. The boys were nowhere in sight so of course I was to blame for the mess because her son could do no wrong. I can't even tell you how many things I got blamed for because I was the youngest and Donna thought that her son was an angel. She clearly had no idea who he was. Anyway, I ran up to Carter and jumped on him because I hadn't seen him in so long. He moved to SC a few months ago and I hadn't talked to him since he left. I knew that acknowledging his presence last night would only lead to shenanigans. They were mild compared to what I thought they would be. Carter is known for his assclown-ery. I think that Aka (another one of my bro's friends) was more intoxicated though; that's a shocker because it takes a lot to outdo Carter. Aka kept hitting on me and grabbing my hand while Carter was holding onto my other hand. It was a shitshow and I was still sober. He tried to kiss me on numerous occasions, each time it led to him getting slapped in the face, hard. I really do love him though. We're going out again tonight. Joey's going to be pissed but that really isn't my issue. He really doesn't like it when I hang out with his friends without him around to monitor them. I'm 24, not 14. He and I both know that I can hold my own.

I can't get this song out of my head...

Football, Rolling Papers and basic bitches

And so my day was made, football is back on bitches!!! I honestly could not be happier because my Sundays during the Fall are now complete.

This is what we're like on a regular basis


In other news that NFL.com deems as important as the end of the lockout,  Kristin Cavallari gets dumped by Jay Cutler. Who cares? I understand that he's a pretty notable football player but why is this article on the homepage?! She's going to cry her heart out and then maybe get back on MTV's nuts. She'll be fine. 

The BFF and I went to the Wiz concert last night. When I got home, I reeked of sweat, weed and alcohol. Sexiest smell ever! Not. Everyone and their mother was smoking weed there, it was literally everywhere. I think yesterday was the one time that I have ever wished that I did drugs because the marijuana smelled delicious. Wiz legit sat on stage and smoked a blunt during one of his songs. The name of his tour might have something to do with that...

I don't know a ton of his new stuff, I'm more familiar with his older mixtape stuff. He definitely put on a good show though. I think I was more excited to see Mac Miller than anyone else. BFF and I went to see him at the 930 club on Cinco de Drinko but I don't really remember the end of the show because I was really drunk. I like to keep it classy. I get that Wiz is from Pittsburgh and all that good shit but I can't stand the fucking Steelers. They are the only thing that stands in the way of the Ravens and the Superbowl and I will not tolerate that shit this season. We will treat the Steelers the way Roethlisberger treats women.  I do really love the song Black & Yellow though; somehow my stereo knows when the song comes on and it just happens to turn up real loud all by itself. That's what I like to call swag. 

So remember how I said that I wasn't going to my high school reunion, I might to have to reconsider that. I was doing some Facebook stalking (because all the cool kids are doing it, duh!) and I happen to see that Goof is going to be there. If  you remember, I wrote Reasons why I won't date you about him. I was creeping on his profile and saw that he was in a relationship with some bitch named Ashley. If you read the post, you'd know that things never would have worked out between us. There should be no reason as to why this simple discovery bothers me. I didn't want him and I made that quite clear; I shouldn't give two shits that he's with some chick that looks exactly like his ex and even happens to have the same name. I'm just hating on bitches right now but this is how I vent and get shit off my chest. So now I have to go to this damn reunion, not because he's going to be there with his gf but because he's going to be at my bar, uninvited and he needs to see that had he not been a stupid fuck, I could have been his gf. I will fully admit that I'm not being rational or mature about the situation but I don't give two shits. The reunion is at a bar in Bethesda that I go to on a regular basis, it's my bar. I popped his Tommy Joe's cherry when I took him there for the first time so it's against the rules for him to bring some stupid bitch there. It's the principal of it! I don't even know her but I guarantee that she is, in fact, a stupid bitch simply because birds of a feather flock together. I'm glad that I have a blog because it allows me to vent about basic bitches "in private". I only used that term because said bitches are too basic to realize that I even have a blog. Okay, I'm doing being a stupid, hating bitch...for now. 

In friendly and loving news, I just want to thank all my followers, new and old, because you guys are amazing.  I love that people actually read the nonsense that I type, or they at least act like they do. I swear I'm not always an angry person! 

Birthday pictures

So I finally saw the pictures from the birthday festivities. I would just like to reiterate how much I love my girls. They really are my partners-in-crime and they never cease to make my heart skip a beat. I was pretty hammered in some of these pictures but I think I look okay. Nice job keeping your shit together, face!

Somebody thought it was a good idea to let me play with daddy's iPad, that resulted in a photoshoot.

A few things on my mind today...

• I wish Chipotle delivered. And if any of the ones that I go to close down, I'm going to be very upset. If you have no clue what I'm talking about, please catch up here.
• Apparently, I met some guy when I was standing outside of the bar the other night. I don't know how we started talking but I ended up giving him my number. I saved his number in my phone as Officer Dan the Man... I think that's a great stripper name. I woke up to a text from him, making sure that I made it home okay. I actually had to lay in bed and think about who he was. I finally remembered and then I texted him back. We tentatively made plans for Sunday, my birthday; we made said plans based on how I felt. As you can imagine, I was pretty hungover and I legitimately thought I was dying while I was dry-heaving and holding on to my toilet for dear life. Anyway, turns out this guy is a DC cop and he patrols the neighborhood that Daddy lives in. When I told dude I wasn't feeling so hot and wasn't sure if I could be in public for a long period of time, he suggested that I come to his house. Excuse me?! I have seen way too many horror movies/episodes of Law & Order SVU to know that black girls don't make it out alive. I told him that, for safety reasons, I wasn't going to come to his house. He actually took offense to that. He called me to remind me that he was a cop. Yes Officer Dan the Man, I know what your profession is and that is the very reason why I'm not coming to your house. You probably have a gun/know how to use one, you have handcuffs and you are a cop. You could shoot me, cut me up into little pieces, spread my body across 5 states and no one would ever find me. I think I'll pass on that whole potential rape & murder scenario but thanks so much for the offer. We met in a public place for drinks and appetizers. He's kinda cute, just a little bit though. He has the potential to be clingy/needy. Homie don't play that. He's a nice guy and I would totally be friends with him but it would totally end there. I was thinking about this when I was on my way home from meeting up with him...I've been alone for so long that I'm comfortable with it. At this point, starting a relationship just seems like such a hassle and so much work. He's definitely not one I want to put in work with. I haven't really found anyone like that, which leads me to believe that I will end up alone. I guess it's a good thing that I'm allergic to cats. 
• I went through my friends list on Facebook and deleted a shit ton of people. I haven't talked to them in years, they live in states that are more than 6 hours away, blah blah blah. There were some people that I just couldn't delete because they're just so active on their Facebook and they post a lot of pictures. Is it bad that I just like looking at people's pictures? I don't really care if I know them or not. There are some people that I deleted and then blocked because I just really didn't like them and I did it mainly out of spite. One thing that does piss me off is when stupid bitches comment on someone else's status that I commented on, like I'm not going to fucking see it. Like you always said...exercise some act right, bitch.
• Since I started my job back in October, I haven't taken a day off. I've been sick twice: once I had food poisoning and the other time, I was having serious asthma problems (reason #50 billion as to why i should stop smoking). Yesterday was the first day that I took off. I was willing to go without pay for it because I just wanted the damn day off, but they found a way for me to get paid...even better. I woke up yesterday morning and I panicked because I thought I was super late for work and then I came to my senses. I proceeded to stay in bed until noon and read Twilight. Don't judge me! It was a beautiful day and I did pretty much nothing and I totally deserved it. But part of my mind wouldn't stop wondering what was going on at work and what I was missing in terms of emails. I really do love my job but I really wish that it would stop getting in my head on days when I shouldn't have to worry about it. 

Song of the day is by Mac Miller. He's this 20something kid from Pittsburgh and he's currently on tour with Wiz Khalifa, I'm totally going to see them when they come to town. Enjoy...

52 things

I was reading my birthday horoscope in Cosmo and it told me to make a list of sexy challenges that I need to accomplish between now and my next birthday. Fuck sexy challenges, I prefer badass ones instead. Today's my 24th birthday. It seems like just yesterday that I was turning 14, where the fuck have the past 10 years gone?!? I turn 25 next year, I'm actually pretty excited about that. I went out with friends last night and it was pretty fucking epic. We had crazy photoshoots at my best friend's and then at the bar. I need to take a better look at those pictures now that I'm sober. They might not be allowed on Facebook if I don't approve. With that being said, here's the beginning of my list...

1. Quit smoking I've been smoking since I was 16, it's about damn time that I quit. 
2. Go bungee jumping
3. Go skydiving
4. Learn how to play golf  I want to be a baller like my dad when I grow up so I really need to make this golf game my bitch because it's a really important business skill
5. Donate blood I don't like needles
6. Donate bone marrow I'm not sure what the process is for this but I want to help the little girl on the website
7. Learn how to shoot a gun I'm still on probation so I don't know if I'll actually be able to do this one. Will they let me do it if I have a misdemeanor charge on my record?
8. Go zip-lining Daddy did it. Anything he can do, I can do better. 
9. Learn another language Is it impossible for me to master another language in one year? I want to learn Farsi but I already speak French and a little Spanish...maybe I should just master that first. Baby steps
10. Be able to run a 10k I actually laughed as I was typing this one because I am the most unathletic person ever! I like the idea of working out a lot more than I like the act of working out so I'm going to have to work hard for this one. And to make matters worst, I actually had to look up the distance
11. Learn how to drive a stick
12. Learn how to fly a plane Seriously though, how awesome would it be if I learned the basics of aviation in a year?!
13. Finish getting my tattoos That includes both of my rib tattoos One down 07/05/11
14. Ride a motorcycle I clearly said ride and not drive because I don't know how to ride a bike, don't laugh
15. Volunteer for a cause that actually means something to me I signed up to volunteer for the Polaris Project. If you don't know what that is, check it out here
16. Try Crossfit Training I walked by a Crossfit gym the other day and saw people working out and that shit's intense, that makes me want to do it. 
17. Learn how to box Laila Ali-style I'm going to be the fittest bitch ever!
18. Learn how to drive a race car Danicka Patrick's hot and I want to be like her
19. Learn how to play paintball Read: make bitches submit to me in paintball
20. Go rock climbing I'm not talking about bullshit climbing either, I'm talking about actually being anchored into a rock. For safety reasons, I'll have to start off small with an indoor rock wall like this. I'm not trying to die any time soon. 
21. Refurnish my apartment without any help from my parents

Updated 07.01.2011

List to be continued...

Song of the day, this one makes me want to dance. Enjoy...

Things that make me happy

Chipotle seriously, the guy that created it is a gastronomic genius and I love him

Waking up when it's really bright outside and panicking because you think that you're late for work only to find out that it's the weekend and you don't have a thing to do

When the sun sets and the sky turns pink, purple, orange and blue

Snow days you're never too old to make a snowman

My dog the Moose 

Cara Lee Cupcakes if you don't know, please educate yourself here

Amazingly friendly moments with complete strangers making eye contact with people while you're walking down the street and they smile at you

County fairs strictly for the funnel cakes and corn dogs 

Playing with my friends' babies I can't wait to have kids, like 50 years from now

Watching the sun rise at the beach 

Spending entire days in bed just because I can

Getting snail mail aside from bills and my Netflix

When they bring back the Pumpkin Spice latte at Starbuck's 

When the leaves start changing colors at the beginning of Fall

Summer thunderstorms only the ones at night

When they finally put up the Christmas lights in Friendship Heights

Stealing borrowing hoodies from boys they smell good and they're worn in just right 

Flip-flops and cut-off jean shorts

Breezy summer nights with amazing people

My friends & family you guys should actually be really jealous because I definitely have the most amazing friends and family

Heard this song on a commercial and fell in love with it. Enjoy...

Everyday, I'm shuffling.

 I went to the beach for Memorial Day weekend, best decision ever. We had such a good time, it was one big shitshow. I don't usually go out and get crazy but this time, I really didn't give a shit. All we did was drink copious amounts of alcohol, lay on the beach and party like it was our job. You only live once so you might as well make that shit as fun as possible. If any of you have ever been to Seacrets in OC, you know how big that place is. Somehow, I lost my friends for an hour but it was fine because I made more friends and we drank. I pissed in the men's bathroom way too many times...the line for the women's bathroom is always long as shit and I had to pee real bad! I got crucially sunburnt because I fell asleep in the sun and nobody wanted to wake me up because I hate being awakened when I'm not ready to wake up. Thanks fuckers! Now which one of you bitches is going to rub aloe all over my body?!?!

I'm a huge fan of he Baltimore Ravens. I sleep in Willis McGahee jersey every night before game day and I wear a Ray Rice jersey every game day. They are my boys and no matter what happens, I will always love them. I said all that to say that I met Ray Rice on the beach. I was laying there on my towel, minding my own business and he was with his friends not more than 10 feet away. When I first saw him, I immediately creamed myself. Once I recovered, I tried not to cause a scene so that he would see me. I was trying to formulate a plan of action when he started talking to me. Ray Rice started talking to me, I creamed myself again. He asked me what my name was and the usual shit like that and then he asked me if I wanted to play catch. I'm sorry, whaaaaat? That was my first mistake, I should have freaking played catch with him. He legit started flirting with me. I was wearing nothing but a bikini so there wasn't much to be left to the imagination. He saw the tattoo that wraps around my hip and then he touched it, he rubbed my tattoo and said that he liked it. That was his first mistake. I don't care who you are, I do not like being touched. And the fact that I have thought about you bending me over every single piece of furniture in my apartment is completely irrelevant. I don't like being touched and I told him that, he laughed it off. I will not compromise myself or my values just because you made me cream myself in a 30 second span just by being near me! He told me that I was going to be his date to Party Block on 17th Street. They were leaving at 145 and I should meet them in the hotel lobby so that I could ride with them. Again...I'm sorry, whaaaat?! Ray Rice just told me to be his date to a freaking party. I'm in there like motherfucking swimwear. I love it when I man takes control and tells me what I'm going to do, within reason of course. I had an hour before I needed to be in his hotel lobby. At that point I should have gone back to the room and freshened up a little bit; I was hot and sweaty, I reeked of alcohol, I was slightly intoxicated, I was just a hot fucking mess. I decided that taking a power nap in the sun was a much better idea because I didn't want to get there and be tired an hour later. I told my friends to wake me up at 130. Mind you, we're laying on the beach in the middle of the afternoon when it's hot as balls and there isn't a cloud in the sky. I wake up at 3 o'clock because I was parched as shit. I grabbed a gross, hot beer and downed the whole thing. Then I looked at my watch and freaked the fuck out. How could I have fucked this up? The only thing I had to do was be ready at 145 so that I could ride with them to the bar. I was pissed as shit. And on top of it, my "power nap" was the reason I got a crucial sunburn. I met Ray Rice and fucked it up. I'm still bitter about that shit.

Summer, I'm ready for you. You better bring your A game because we will tear your ass up if you don't. 

Song of the day...fast-forward to about 1:25. Turn it up real loud and get ready to rage, I know we did all weekend. Enjoy!

Blah

Ordinarily I'm so gung-ho about posting but I've really got nothing today. I've been so worn out with work and studying for finals (one more week!) that I really haven't had energy for anything else. Tomorrow is Cinco de Mayo. I'm going to a concert with my BFF tomorrow night. I get out of class around 1215, she gets off work around 3. The only reason I won't start drinking until after she get off work is that I need to be able to drive to her house safely. On my way, I will be picking up beer/liquor. I promise that tomorrow, I will have an "alcohol-induced" post for you. It might just be a picture post, depending on how thirsty we are.  

Song of the day: This one seriously makes me think of Little Chief Swag, I can see him singing Drake's verse while he drives my car. And this song/video always, without fail, makes me want to bone. I'm pretty sure the first time I heard it, Little Chief Swag and I were doing it...Enjoy!

Goodnight moon, goodnight stars, goodnight fish on Mars.

Damn girl, you so fine

I have class on Tuesdays and Thursdays, unfortunately. Some girls take school as a social event and get all dressed up so they look cute walking across campus. I personally couldn't care less, it's a miracle that I change out of my pajama pants and put on real clothes. I decided that it was a nice day so I wanted to wear shorts. I had this old pair of hole-y 7 for All Mankind jeans that I refused to part with (they were my ultimate favorites that made my ass look amazing and went with everything but looked best with a tshirt and flip-flops) that I cut into shorts that fall right above my knee. It was a clean cut but I just folded them up once because I'm cool and threw on a white tee with my super cool Chucks. I have a thing for shoes in general but nothing (seriously, nothing...not even food and I LOVE food) gets me going more than a super sweet pair of Chucks, like these...

I put them up on my BFF's bathroom counter, which she had just finished cleaning. Um, I love you?

It was sunny so I grab my Aviators because they go with everything and I went to class. I don't know what it was today but I was getting checked out left and right, it was pretty ridiculous. After I finished class for the day, I waited outside the campus center for a friend, let's just call him Little Chief Swag (I just laughed thinking about how much he would love that nickname but he's Little Chief because I'm Big Chief Swag). This group of guys walked passed me and as soon as they went by I knew this guy was going to turn around and talk to me, I saw the way he looked me up and down. Sure enough..."Damn girl, you so fine that I just had to come get your number". Of course you did, because I hand it out to every guy that says shit like that to me. Haha, no! Get the hell out of here with that weak sauce. But my mother raised me to be polite so I couldn't be a raging cunt (yeah, I said it). He would not leave me alone, I told him that I was a lesbian and he pursued me even more. I like girls and you clearly aren't that. What makes you think that you're going to the guy to make me want guys again? You're not that cute and you looked like you just had your 16th birthday yesterday. I turn 24 in June...get out of here young blood! The only way I got rid of him was to friend him on Facebook (so bootleg). I figured that when he got a little stalker-ish, I could just block him.

This kid didn't even wait 24 hours to start stalking. Not more than 3 hours later, my phone started blowing up because of all the Facebook notifications from his activity on my profile. I was enjoying a couple (read: too many) daytime drinks before starting a paper for school and he was cramping my style! He commented on every single one of my profile pictures and sent me a message saying that I need to upload more pictures for him to look at. Excuse me?! As soon as finals start (in a week and a half), he will be blocked and never heard from again. I don't want to block him now because I don't want to run into him at school and have him ask me what happened. That would be an awkward conversation! I'm really too nice of a person but that's really ironic because I'm a huge bitch...if you don't know you better ask somebody!

Seriously though, I don't know what I'm doing to turn these guys into crazy stalkers but I obviously need to start being a raging bitch to get rid of them. And for those of you that read my post about the crazy Lebanese stalker I had...well, I thought this guy had finally gotten the message by my lack of return contact. He stopped for a few days and then on Easter, he decided that he really missed me. Ummm hello?! I haven't talked to you in over a week and I have no desire to even talk to you long enough to tell you to FUCK OFF. Why aren't you catching on you crazy crazy man?!?!?

This is completely unrelated but this is my BFF, partner-in-crime, ride-or-die chick, however you want to call it...

Her name is Pretty Face.

That's all I have for today, except for maybe some sweet tunes, enjoy...



I have cool friends that listen to cool music.




Later, you sexy bitches!