A year ago...

A year ago today, I started my blog again and this was my first post...

It's been awhile and after much deliberation, I've decided that I'm back for good. I'm not quite sure what exactly I'm going to blog about but I'm sure I'll figure it out as I go.

In other news, today is Valentine's Day...or Singles' Awareness Day, depending on your situation. I will fully admit that I'm single and I love it (for the most part). There are some very rare moments of weakness where I wished that I had someone to cuddle with but we can't all get what we want. When I hear all the drama from my friends about their boyfriends/girlfriends, it really makes me wonder why some people would even bother. Do the pros really outweigh the cons when you're in such an unhappy relationship? Or is it that you are afraid to be alone so that's why you've allowed yourself to get stuck in a shitty situation? Either way, I'm happy that I'm single. I have the freedom to date who and when I want (provided that someone catches my attention). I have, however, decided that for the rest of the semester, I will be completely celibate and unattached. I'm going to run train on school and work. I will own them and make both of them my bitch because it's time that I finally do so. 

If you live in the DC metropolitan area and you went outside today, you're thanking your lucky stars that Mother Nature has come to her sense about this weather thing. 60 degrees and above from now on, thanks in advance. 

However you celebrate February 14th, I hope you do it well and have a wonderful day.

Sometimes, I really have no clue what I'm blogging about but at the end of the day, whatever I'm writing about makes sense to me. A year ago, I had such high hopes for my little blog, I wanted to be "known" for it. But given the sometimes mean things that I've written about people, I should keep this thing our little secret. In the past year, I've been stalked by a crazy Arab man that tried to bribe me into dating him with money and I'm fairly certain that he wanted to incorporate me into his harem. I feel bad for those women because he's one hairy man. In the past year, I spent time with (for lack of a better term) a guy that I refused to date because there were so many things wrong with him. In the past year, I've slept with a guy with one testicle and then proceeded to take a pregnancy test (not my finest moment, shit happens). In the past year, I've made new friends and lost old ones. In the past year, I've done my best to make everyone happy but that shit's tiring as fuck and I don't want to do it anymore. I've come to the conclusion that a year ago, I had completely unrealistic visions of myself and where I wanted to be in life and what I wanted to be doing. I can't pop out the womb and start running, that's craziness. You've gotta crawl before you ball.

I don't know if it's because it's Valentine's Day and love has been in the air lately but random people have been talking to me lately. Fingerbang came up to me the other day while we were at a bar and actually hugged me. I was so caught off guard that I just stood there with my arms at my sides. I didn't know what to do! Then she proceeded to have a conversation with me, I don't even know what this bitch was talking about. Heard through the grapevine that she wants to be friends again because she misses me. Things that are awkward: we weren't really friends to begin with. Lrog called me today and wanted to talk, talk as if we hadn't even stopped talking. WTF? I haven't talked to you in months and I legit have no clue what's going on in your life, what the hell do we talk about?!? Whatever. I told her I'd be out in Bethesda after my date tonight (yes, I have a date, on Valentine's Day...more details to come). I have to shower and get my life together for this dude and manage to not be late...things that probably won't happen: all of the above. I'm probably going to wear sweats. I keep that shit real classy!

On a serious note though, squeeze the people that you love the most a little harder today. When they ask why you did it, say "just because". Enjoy your day and eat all the chocolate that you can. I've got my fat kid stash of valentine's candy in the car, rush hour won't be as bad in the morning. 

Sometimes I have a big mouth

I went to Barnes & Noble with my mother last night. She had to buy books on web analytics, snoozefest. We're standing there in the computer book section, where they have all that boring shit, and something just happens to catch my eye while I was looking at the books. It was one of the Eureka moments where the light shines on the object. It was Blogging for Dummies. There were three or 4 other blogging books too so I just grabbed them all and sat down next to my mother. I started flipping through it and my mom kind of looked at the stack of books weird. I was so consumed with attempting to educate myself on the finer points of blogging that I didn't even realize my mistake. I was looking through the Dummies book for a section on video blogging and low and behold, they had an extensive one. I got excited. Mommy had already gone downstairs to the magazine section and told me to hurry up if I wanted her to buy me something.

Smart girl that I am, I grabbed the Dummies book and put all the others back because books for dummies are better than any others, duh. I was practically skipping down the stairs because I was so happy. I honestly never would have thought about getting a how to blog book, it never would have occurred to me. Anywho, she was engrossed in her Better Homes and Gardens so I sat down and started flipping through my book again. Once she was finally ready to go pay, she asked me what I was getting so I showed her. As soon as I did, I immediately regretted it. The look on her face said it all but she wanted to make her point loud & clear. "Mackenzie, do you know what blogging is? I'm not going to buy that book for you so that you can read all about how you can screw up your life on the internet and then never be able to erase it. Employers check all sorts of social media and blog sites to find stuff about potential applicants. With your attitude, I'm sure people will be hesitant to hire so please don't give them another reason to not hire you. And furthermore, I don't care whether or not you're bigger and faster than me. If I ever find out that you have a blog, I will put you over my knee and beat your ass with a studded belt."

Umm, oops. So I have to make sure that she never finds out about this blog because she will make good on her promise and I like my ass without bruises. I spent some time last night googling myself and the blog, nothing came up except for a newspaper article about my grandfather's funeral. Talk about opening a whole new can of worms; my parents lied to me about what happened when he died. Who does that?!? I was old enough to understand the concept of death. Seriously, wtf? And apparently, he died two years after I thought that he did. What was doing during those two years and why the hell do I not have any memory of them?!

Anywho, I will be purchasing that Dummies book. I will also be reading the vlogging chapter and I solemnly swear that I won't post another video blog until I'm a professional, thank you very much. You can thank me later.

I'm itching to get another tattoo or get a piercing. When it comes to putting holes in my body, I have to be careful about that because of work. I can't do my lip, eyebrow, nose, general face area. I can't get my belly button pierced because I'm not 16 anymore or on Spring Break in Daytona Beach (or wherever the kids go these days). Maybe I'll get another hole in my ear, the jury's still out on that one. I really want another tattoo, I want the final one, the one on the left side of my ribs. I promised that myself that I would only get it as my reward for being myself new living room furniture. I still haven't done that shit. I need a money tree or I just need to become Nancy Botwin, minus the affair with the President of Mexico.

I'm going to try and create another playlist in the next couple of days but in the meantime, I'm going to stalk the shit out of your blogs. Be kinda grateful that we're not friends on Facebook because I would stalk the shit out of your pictures, your wall, your life. Yeah, not weird at all.

Also, this weekend is the Taste of DC. If you're in the DC-metropolitan area, you should really check it out because it's a lot of fun. I will not be able to enjoy it as much because I've signed my soul over to the event all weekend; I will literally be working 12 hour shifts all weekend. I keep telling myself that working all event will keep me out of trouble; it doesn't sound as convincing as it should because trouble seems to just find me. But seriously, go to the event and give me (and the Red Cross) your money. It's for a good cause. Thanks in advance.


**If you guys google my blog and you actually find anything pertaining to me, please let me know so that Mommy Dearest doesn't beat my ass, literally. Thank you kindly.

It's a day for humping, confusion & me quitting smoking

So I'm confused and I would really appreciate your input on this. I was looking at my blog stats and traffic sources. I never really look at that shit and for some reason, I was very curious today. I will have you know that Christen's blog and Shane's blog are my top referring URLs and that makes me very happy. Thank you both for being awesome! There were some other URLs, I clicked on them but it said that there was an error and I had no idea why. I wasn't confused about that but I was, however, confused about this part...one of the referring links was some website that I've never heard of and I'm definitely not a member of, gothise.com. WTF is that shit, you ask? Well apparently it's a place for alternative people. Why is that site referring people to my blog? Don't get me wrong, I'll take the referrals but please help me understand this where this is coming from. Another point of confusion: this website is apparently also referring people to my blog. WTF? It's a clothing site based out of China. How the fuck is this happening?!? Either way, I'll take the referrals.

So who wants to find me another job? I am so freaking tired of working in that damn restaurant. I just about punch myself in the ovaries every time I have to go in for a shift.

Things I am willing to do:    

• yard work
• babysitting
• chauffeur
• assassin
• street walker

Things I'm not willing to do:

• wait tables
• wait tables
• work in a restaurant
• wait tables

So as you can see, I'm pretty flexible and open to any sorts of jobs that you guys may have for me! Even though it's not my main source of income, I can't quit the restaurant until I actually have another job. I've gotten into the swing of the whole two jobs and school thing so if I didn't find another job, I'd have way too much time on my hands and that always leads to bad things. Once I finally quit, talking shit about everyone that works there is fair game. I will have a legit fucking burn book and it's going to be hilarious. This time when I leave that place, there will be no going back to work there because I'm bored or I missed it. This time, I mean it when I say that I'm done. I'm quite tempted to not show up for work tomorrow just because. 

Anyway, I'm craving sushi real bad right now. It's kind of a sick obsession that I have. 

In really important news, I haven't had a cigarette since about 3:30PM yesterday. Sitting in traffic on my way home from work really sucked because I did't have any cigarettes. I finished the pack yesterday and I decided to just quit cold turkey. I've tried to do it before but something's always come up and I've made excuses about it not being a good time. I've decided that it's always a good time to quit smoking.

Wish me luck!

Just a quickie

This is just a quickie because I'm starvin' like Marvin and I need to meet Big Poppa at his house in a little because we're going to the movies. We used to have father-daughter dates all the time when I was younger but as we've gotten older, our schedules have gotten in the way. We try to make it happen at least once a month though. 

Anyway, serious stuff...

My email has been playing tricks on me by sending most of my recent comment notifications into my spam folder. Not cool AOL! (Don't pass judgement on my ancient email account) I never check my spam folder because it's spam, duh. Anywho, I happened to come across a comment in the section on my dashboard and I nearly creamed myself with joy. Yeah, I said it. I had a bunch of them that I had missed. I was reading thru them and out rightly laughed several times, you guys are funny. Shane Pilgrim told me that I wasn't a raging cunt. That has to be one of the nicest things that anyone has ever said about me. Can we all be friends in real life? It'll be like The Breakfast Club. I call dibs on Ally Sheedy's character, minus the dandruff thankyouverymuch. AND we can even have a sweet dance number like this one...

Shane, to answer your question, my mom is Persian. She doesn't speak Farsi at all but if I started learning, I think it would motivate her enough to start and it would be so legit if I busted out some Farsi at the bar one night. I don't really have friends that speak Farsi so I wouldn't have anyone to practice with. I think it's hard to get authentic Persian food anywhere in the states. I haven't had food cooked by actual Persians so I wouldn't know what to compare it to. There are some pretty decent restaurants around here. And now I'm craving Persian food, nom nom nom. I'm so hungry right now. 

Something super amazing happened to me the other day and I still smile every time I think about it. I was at Tommy Joe's (my favorite bar ever) the other night with the guys and I ran into Patrick. I've never blogged about him because I have no idea why I never blogged about him; he's way too hot to be left out. Anyway, he used to work in the women's shoe department at Nordstrom's and I used to see him every time I went in (I have a shoe problem so it was pretty often). He was always so nicely dressed too, so given everything I thought about him at first glance, I assumed that he was gay. We've established that he's definitely not gay. Even better, he's not gay and he has a crush on yours freaking truly. When I ran into him at Tommy Joe's the other night, he was very flirtatious and I totally ate that shit up because he's so good-looking. He pulled me aside and flat out told me that he has had a crush on me since the first time he saw me. I really don't remember the first time I saw him but I know my first thought was "He's hot as shit, too bad he's gay." Silly girl, always so quick to judge. He said that he would love it if he could take me out sometime and get to know me. I very nearly creamed my shorts. I gave him my number and before he left the bar, he cut through the circle of guys I was talking to, gave me a kiss on the cheek and said that he would call me the next day. He actually called but I was already asleep because my body's been struggling to stay awake passed 830 (such a loser). We're going to the zoo tomorrow. I have a date. I don't know how long it's been since I've had a proper date. I don't know what to do, how to act, what to wear. I'm nervous and that's not really like me. What if he's crazy and totally ruins my fantasy of him being a stud machine?! I hate it when that happens. So I will continue this post about my date tonight when I get home from the movies/bar(s). Or tomorrow, while on the date. 

Can I blog on the date? That might be awkward. Hey dude, don't mind me; I'm just over here blogging about you. No, you can't read it. 

 I will, under no circumstances, tell him about the blog. When If he goes all "fatal attraction" on me, I will be talking serious amounts of shit about him. To eliminate him knowing too much about me, he will not be allowed to read the blog...even if we get married and have beautiful children. Note to self: do not mention that you want to have his beautiful children.  

This is me freaking out, just a little...

Things that make me happy

Chipotle seriously, the guy that created it is a gastronomic genius and I love him

Waking up when it's really bright outside and panicking because you think that you're late for work only to find out that it's the weekend and you don't have a thing to do

When the sun sets and the sky turns pink, purple, orange and blue

Snow days you're never too old to make a snowman

My dog the Moose 

Cara Lee Cupcakes if you don't know, please educate yourself here

Amazingly friendly moments with complete strangers making eye contact with people while you're walking down the street and they smile at you

County fairs strictly for the funnel cakes and corn dogs 

Playing with my friends' babies I can't wait to have kids, like 50 years from now

Watching the sun rise at the beach 

Spending entire days in bed just because I can

Getting snail mail aside from bills and my Netflix

When they bring back the Pumpkin Spice latte at Starbuck's 

When the leaves start changing colors at the beginning of Fall

Summer thunderstorms only the ones at night

When they finally put up the Christmas lights in Friendship Heights

Stealing borrowing hoodies from boys they smell good and they're worn in just right 

Flip-flops and cut-off jean shorts

Breezy summer nights with amazing people

My friends & family you guys should actually be really jealous because I definitely have the most amazing friends and family

Heard this song on a commercial and fell in love with it. Enjoy...

My, oh my!

It's that time of year again, that time where I always get sick. I try to avoid it like the Plague but it never quite works out that way. This sickness has made me very grumpy and irritable and I don't like it one bit. I think that I would be somewhat okay with getting sick if I didn't have an asthma every single time that I got the slightest bug. 

Anyway, in more entertaining news, my brother and his friends have a pretty sweet blog. I read their Valentine's Day post at my desk earlier and I died laughing. It's well written and it's honest. I can attest to the fact that the things they talk about are true, every last crass detail . One of my bro's friends doesn't try to live his life like Tucker Max, it just happens that way but deep down inside his soul, he really is a sweetheart and he grows on you. I'm writing this here because I would never dare say it to his face, that would just give him too much satisfaction and I'm not going to let that happen. But all jokes aside, please check this shit out. Read the "L" Word post and let me know once you've stopped laughing. 

In other news, if you haven't done so already, please read James Patterson's Alex Cross series. Start from the beginning, you won't regret it. 

 Later, sexy bitches!