See that guy with dreads, I call dibs.

That's how it all started. I met Dreads back in October or November at a bar in Bethesda. I was still dating the Corporal then so I couldn't really do anything about. This guy is super hard to miss, he's about 6'2 with dreadlocks that come down past his waist. He usually wears them up to avoid sitting on them or getting them caught in his fly (not even kidding). He was so cute and he was funny and I wanted him. My best friend knew that but because I couldn't do anything about the situation that I was in, she went after him. I wasn't pleased about it but there was nothing I could do.

A couple of months later, I ran into him Bethesda when I went to meet my BFF. They weren't hooking up anymore but they had stayed friends. He was still adorable so I gave him my number. We started hanging out shortly after that and we were inseparable. I felt bad and I was terrified of telling my best friend that I had been hooking up with him. In the years we've been friends, we've never been interested in the same guy so I was apprehensive to tell her. When I finally grew some balls and fessed up to her, she laughed at me. She had no interest in dating him, she had slept with him and it ended there. I was relieved, Dreads and I went about our business.

Things were great for awhile and then they slowly started to change. I guess the "honeymoon period" had worn off. The little things that he did, like breathing, really pissed me off. He drinks entirely too much and we would get into awful fights that left me in tears every time. He told me that his friends hated me, his parents (whom I've never met because they live in Michigan) hated me, I was a miserable person, I was just plain mean and that I should be so lucky if he decides to date me. I was upset, I was hurt but I was also slightly amused. For someone that doesn't want to date me, he acts entirely too much like a boyfriend. News flash Dreads: you can't have your cake and eat it too. He wanted to be so immersed in my life, be friends with my friends, know all my bartenders. After awhile, I stopped going out to Bethesda with him; I couldn't stand it. When I go out, I bounce around the bar and talk to different people; I have a short attention span and can't stand still for long periods of time. He would follow me around, talk to my friends like he knew them and it drove me crazy. When I date people, I don't let them in all at once. They slowly gain access to different parts of my life. He didn't understand that. That's when I stated pushing him away.

He's 31 years old and has been working at Starbucks since he was 16. He's never worked anywhere else and has no plans of ever working anywhere else. I wish I were kidding. He has no ambition and he acts like a child with no responsibilities. His house is disgusting, absolutely atrocious and pretty sure he's a borderline hoarder. He has two cats that he hasn't taken to the vet in years and they're both long overdue for a visit. He has no concept of privacy. If the bathroom door is shut, that's because I'm pissing. That doesn't mean open the door and stand there while I finish taking a leak and wiping my whooha. I don't think he knows what personal hygiene is; in all the times that I've spent the night at his house, I've never seen him brush his teeth. Every time I left his house, I would have to go home and disinfect my entire body because I felt so gross.

I should be so lucky if you decided to date me? Are you fucking kidding me? You're a disgusting person and the mere thought of you actually makes me recoil. You have no ambition, you're quite content to smoke weed, work at Starbucks and play with your cars for the rest of your life. I'm not sorry that I actually want to go places with mine. But yet, for some reason, I can't seem to grow enough balls to tell you to kick rocks. So really, I have no one to blame but myself for being in this situation.

Here's to hoping my balls drop again.

xoxo,
Me

It's Go Time, World

Ladies & Gentleman, I'm quite pleased to admit that I am back for good. Writing that post the other day, as short as it was, made me happy and took a load off. I missed blogging. Sometimes it's nice to find strength in the arms of strangers. Please bear with me over the next couple of weeks, I'm going to be revamping the blog a little bit. I don't even know where to start with that, i'll play around with things and then see what I like the most.

I'm currently camped out at Starbucks, in Barnes & Noble...my favorite place ever. There are some serious wackjobs out today.  I just dropped part of my muffin on my freaking keyboard. Seriously, wtf? Maybe that's a sign that I should stop talking about people (I wish that I could use Emoji faces so that you can see my facial expression). Sike, I'm never going to stop talking about people...that's boring as shit.

I turned 25 in June and I swear I'm starting to go thru a quarter-life crisis; it's awful. I feel restless and lazy at the same time. Is that even possible?! I'm not in school this semester because I keeping fucking up and they won't take me back. Newsflash Dean: it's a community college, not Harvard so get the sand out of your fucking vagina, shove a tampon up there and I'm sure that you and I will get along just fine. Just kidding, I will always dislike you. Since I'm not in school and I'm working part-time at both of my jobs, I need more things to do. I almost signed up for a Habitat for Humanity build in Madagascar the other day. I decided that it was a little extreme to take off running before I can really walk. I need to do a Habitat build around here before I go galavanting around the globe. I'm also fairly certain that my parents would not be thrilled if I did that. Maybe I should just sign up for the Peace Corps and be done with it. Anyway, yesterday, I went to a volunteer orientation for this non-profit called 826DC. It's basically an after-school tutoring program. I don't have tons of time to donate but I'm super interested in doing it! They have a Tuesday Night Tutoring program for high school students and they need language tutors in for French. That shit has my name all over it. The only problem is that I have a pass a DC public schools background check, having a DUI on your record fucks shit up. That would be the only reason as to why I wouldn't pass. I'm going to fill out the application tomorrow when I get to work. Wish me luck.

I used my phone GPS to get down to the 826DC office yesterday morning. The orientation was at 10 and the GPS said that it would take 40 minutes, I don't think it took into account that it was rushhour and I can't find my way out of a paper bag. I managed to make it there with plenty of time of time to spare and I didn't even get lost. I'm growing up guys! I also found a parking spot on the street right around the corner from the building. If you've ever driven into DC on a weekday morning, you know how hard it is to find street parking, let alone something close to where you need to go. Of course, something super bad was going to happen to me after all that good fortune. I sat in the car and talked to my mom for a little bit, put on my mascara, twiddled my thumbs...my car was on the whole time because it was hot and I didn't want to sweat. I finally got out of the car and started walking across the street. I turned around to lock the doors and saw some homeless guy pissing on my car. Really dude?!? I was just in the car and the car was running. I guess I caught him off guard because he pissed on his leg a little bit. I didn't even know what to say or do so I just walked away. It was way too early for those kinds of shenanigans.

I've been feeling super crafty lately, Pinterest might have something to do with that. Stupid website. I used to make jewelry with my mom watch my mom make jewelry when I was younger. She was crafty too. I've been making Google my bitch today, I just bookmarked a buttload of sites about DIY jewelry making. Bet $10 that I start to make a necklace, get bored and never finish it. Story of my life. But all jokes aside, I'm going to put studs on my Chucks. I was a pair on  Pinterest and I fell in love. I found a bunch of websites that tell you how to do it, it's not complicated and it doesn't take long so my gnat-like attention span should be able to handle it. Pinterest will be blamed for all the projects that I start and don't finish; that website also sucks up so much of my freaking time. They really need to have a jewelry category.

I'm going to stuff my face with a burrito now but thanks for reading.

xoxo,
Me

Is there something more that I should be doing?!

For the people that, at one point, faithfully read my blog, I'm so sorry that I've sucked at life for the past couple of months. I don't even have a good explanation as to why I stopped writing; just know that I missed the shit out of this blog and the response that I got to it. I can assure you that I'm back for good AND I have an iPhone with the Blogger app so I can blog from anywhere in the world!! (insert snarky remarks about my inability to blog when it's conveniently located on my phone, which might as well be my right hand)

My life is in shambles, per the usual shit that I get myself into. I have come to point where I have no clue what I'm doing with my life, I'm pretty sure I'm having a quarter-life crisis. Before I turned 25, I was quite content to meander through life not having a clue about what I was doing. Now, I'm getting restless and I feel like I should be doing something more. Meh. 

Things that have happened since my last post:

• I met a boy. At first he was great but now he really blows the shit out of me and I can't seem to man up enough to tell him to kick rocks. 
• I went to Ocean City for Memorial Day weekend and survived this 

Seacrets, Ocean City MD

• I got a birthday tattoo, a little present to myself for making it through 25 years without any major problems. It just happened that the tattoo was a gun, on the inside of my bicep because bitches love tickets to the gun show. Finally showed it to my mom, she started crying and told me that it was the equivalent of Mike Tyson's face tattoo and I would never get a real job. She tends to overreact, a lot.
• I've come to realize that it's time for me to distance myself from Bethesda and it's god-awful bar scene. That decision was made when I caught some girls talking shit about me in the bathroom. Mind you, I didn't know these girls from Adam & Eve. According to the lovely ladies, I was having an affair with the married GM of the bar we were in. I waited politely for them to finish snorting their drugs and come out of the handicap stall. I politely introduced myself and asked them to tell me more about my life. Obviously, I had no clue what was going on in my life because I didn't know that I was having an affair with the GM. I'm pretty sure they wanted to melt into the floor. I proceeded to give them a piece of my mind. My mother didn't raise me with questionable morals and there are lines that I refuse to cross because it's just not right (i.e. marriage & people with significant others). The Bethesda bar scene is the most incestuous place I have ever seen and even though everyone is over the age of 21, they all act like they're 16. It's time to venture out in search of a new environment where people can actually act their age. 
• I started going to the gym on a regular basis. Lately, people have been telling me that I look great and they ask me if I've lost weight. Thank you but I haven't lost weight, I just work out more and continue to eat like a horse. They're positive that I've lost weight. Tell me, was I fat before?!

That's all I've got for now but I promise to post way more often than I have been. 

xoxo, 

Me

A year ago...

A year ago today, I started my blog again and this was my first post...

It's been awhile and after much deliberation, I've decided that I'm back for good. I'm not quite sure what exactly I'm going to blog about but I'm sure I'll figure it out as I go.

In other news, today is Valentine's Day...or Singles' Awareness Day, depending on your situation. I will fully admit that I'm single and I love it (for the most part). There are some very rare moments of weakness where I wished that I had someone to cuddle with but we can't all get what we want. When I hear all the drama from my friends about their boyfriends/girlfriends, it really makes me wonder why some people would even bother. Do the pros really outweigh the cons when you're in such an unhappy relationship? Or is it that you are afraid to be alone so that's why you've allowed yourself to get stuck in a shitty situation? Either way, I'm happy that I'm single. I have the freedom to date who and when I want (provided that someone catches my attention). I have, however, decided that for the rest of the semester, I will be completely celibate and unattached. I'm going to run train on school and work. I will own them and make both of them my bitch because it's time that I finally do so. 

If you live in the DC metropolitan area and you went outside today, you're thanking your lucky stars that Mother Nature has come to her sense about this weather thing. 60 degrees and above from now on, thanks in advance. 

However you celebrate February 14th, I hope you do it well and have a wonderful day.

Sometimes, I really have no clue what I'm blogging about but at the end of the day, whatever I'm writing about makes sense to me. A year ago, I had such high hopes for my little blog, I wanted to be "known" for it. But given the sometimes mean things that I've written about people, I should keep this thing our little secret. In the past year, I've been stalked by a crazy Arab man that tried to bribe me into dating him with money and I'm fairly certain that he wanted to incorporate me into his harem. I feel bad for those women because he's one hairy man. In the past year, I spent time with (for lack of a better term) a guy that I refused to date because there were so many things wrong with him. In the past year, I've slept with a guy with one testicle and then proceeded to take a pregnancy test (not my finest moment, shit happens). In the past year, I've made new friends and lost old ones. In the past year, I've done my best to make everyone happy but that shit's tiring as fuck and I don't want to do it anymore. I've come to the conclusion that a year ago, I had completely unrealistic visions of myself and where I wanted to be in life and what I wanted to be doing. I can't pop out the womb and start running, that's craziness. You've gotta crawl before you ball.

I don't know if it's because it's Valentine's Day and love has been in the air lately but random people have been talking to me lately. Fingerbang came up to me the other day while we were at a bar and actually hugged me. I was so caught off guard that I just stood there with my arms at my sides. I didn't know what to do! Then she proceeded to have a conversation with me, I don't even know what this bitch was talking about. Heard through the grapevine that she wants to be friends again because she misses me. Things that are awkward: we weren't really friends to begin with. Lrog called me today and wanted to talk, talk as if we hadn't even stopped talking. WTF? I haven't talked to you in months and I legit have no clue what's going on in your life, what the hell do we talk about?!? Whatever. I told her I'd be out in Bethesda after my date tonight (yes, I have a date, on Valentine's Day...more details to come). I have to shower and get my life together for this dude and manage to not be late...things that probably won't happen: all of the above. I'm probably going to wear sweats. I keep that shit real classy!

On a serious note though, squeeze the people that you love the most a little harder today. When they ask why you did it, say "just because". Enjoy your day and eat all the chocolate that you can. I've got my fat kid stash of valentine's candy in the car, rush hour won't be as bad in the morning. 

If someone wants to be a part of your life...

Been on a Maxwell kick lately. Listening to him reminds me of when I was younger. my mom loves him, she used to play his CDs a lot. We would sit in the basement, listening to him and the rain outside, while reading books. If only I could turn back time...

Screw you Patriots...

I'm going to be that asshole that wears her Ravens jersey to work, while players from the Skins will be guest bartending. Neither of us are in the Super Bowl, they shouldn't give a shit about what I'm wearing.

Billy Cundiff, I blame you. I hope you're having a great day knowing that the Ravens should be playing today. Asshole.
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Womp

That's the best title I could come up with and I'm sticking to it. It's 645 on a Friday night and I'm still in the office but this is honestly the quietest place where I can get stuff done. My blogging skills have been non-existent lately, I've been so busy with work and life that I legit barely have enough energy to make it past my living room and into my bedroom sometimes. I'd just like to point out that it's only the second week in February and I've already had enough drama to last me the next six months. You guys probably don't know this but Bethesda is a very small place. Everyone knows someone is some way, shape or form. People are usually known by first and last name because everyone's friends on Facebook. It's such a small town that it's "affectionately" known as Bethesda High School; you do something on a Friday night, you wake up Saturday morning and whatever you did the night before is being whispered in everyone's ears. It was only a matter of time before word got back me. Let's just clear this up, I'm not sleeping with Ali Baba. I dated his best friend, the Corporal. I'm not down with pulling an LRog move and sleeping with an entire group of friends. I am 24 years old, I'm quite capable of having a friendship with a guy and not sleep with him. And the rumors of me doing blow in the parking garage behind Relic? Totally not original. LRog, you're so silly to think that I don't remember that night from many years ago when I caught you doing the very thing you are accusing me of doing.  If you're going to lie about me, at least be creative because your boring lies really don't do my personality any justice.

Ladies, thank you very much for continuing to spread rumors about me. I especially love when stupid people question me about whether or not the stories are true, as if I was urban legend. The mere fact that you're talking about me, whether good or bad, has put a little extra pep in my step. I would sincerely like to thank you for huddling in the corners of bars and talking about me, you are unknowingly giving me the run of the bar. If you're going to talk about me and spread lies about me, at least be creative and use your imagination. Your boring and recycled lies really don't do my personality any justice. Last but not least, thank you for letting me know that I'm still on your mind. That makes me smile. Just remember that sometimes, karma saves the best for last. 

Anyway, I no longer work at The Box Bar & Grill, where the girls are sexy and the wings are sexier. That's their slogan, what does that even mean?! I don't want sexy wings, I want delicious wings. I'm not going to lie, I had so much fun working there but fun doesn't pay my bills. And I kinda like wearing clothes when I work. It's funny how now, I kinda miss wearing the Under Armor shorts. At least I kept mine. In other news, I work at a sushi restaurant now. I'm a server AND a bartender (cue the Jeffersons's theme song now). I'm doing big things now! As much as I hate working in the service industry, I've always wanted to be a bartender. I have amazing friends that didn't like me working at the Box so they took it upon themselves to find me another job. My boss, Mo, is actually someone I've known for a couple of years just from going to a certain hole in the wall bar. He would always go there with the bartender from Tommy Joe's, who coincidentally enough used to date LRog (that's how I met her). Anyway, Mo told me that he was going to start me off serving and then transition me to bar training as soon as he could. He was good on his word and I've been training with him for the past couple of shifts. It's literally been wearing me out because I've been working my day job and then some nights I've been going in for training after. By the time I get home, it's well passed last call and I'm exhausted. I have my first official bar shift next Saturday night. I think Mo is crazy for throwing me to the wolves  like that, I don't think I'm ready but I'm going to do it and I'm going to run train on it. 

I'm tempted to go out tonight but I didn't get home until 430 this morning (that's a story for another night). I have big girl things to do tomorrow like get my taxes done and go to the gym. Womp. 

Sometimes, things go awry for a reason

It's only the middle of January but I've gotten into so many disagreements with people this year that's it's ridiculous. Bitches hate me, true story.

The Corporal and I "broke up" (I don't know what the proper term is for people that are in limbo). He's not in a good place in his life right now blah blah blah. But he still really wants me in his life as a friend. His relationships with people are super important to him. Him sucking my dick is really important to me but we can't always get what we want. When the situation first fell apart, I was sad about it and then I actually started getting pissed. There were so many things about him that I didn't like but I ignored them because they were things that a girlfriend would get pissed about. I compromised my views and essentially my comfort level for some shit. It wasn't even worth it. Now that I'm fully over the situation, I don't even think that I want to be friends with him. I do however want to keep him around (on Facebook and through the grapevine) so that he knows that he missed his chance at something great and I want him to eat his heart out come summertime when I look freaking hot as shit.

Apparently, all my female friends now hate me. It literally happened over night and none of them had the decency to actually say anything to my face about us having an issue. I have no respect for shit like that. As adults, we should all be able to communicate properly...silly me for thinking that. I confronted LRog this morning about her hating me and got nowhere. I suspect that she now dislikes me because of her new bff, Fingerbang, hates me. Here's a brief background for you: LRog introduced me to the Corporal and through him, I became really good friends with his bff, Ali Baba. I think at one point, it really bothered the Corporal and I addressed that issue with him. He assured me that everything was fine and that wasn't an issue; he lied, he's good at that. Ali Baba was dating Fingerbang but she decided to be a little whore at the same time by fucking other people and playing games with him. He finally cut the cord and told her to go screw herself. What sucked is that he really cared about her and her son; she took advantage of him and his feelings and made a mockery of him around Bethesda. She's jealous of the fact that he and I have become so close. She had the chance to be there for him and be apart of his life and she fucked it up. Don't hate me because you're a stupid bitch.  I legit have no desire to go out in Bethesda anymore because I don't want to run into any of those stupid bitches...bitches be tripping, yo!

Update on the drama: Fingerbang had sent me a Facebook invite for her son's birthday party. I hadn't planned on going because it was going to be chokfull of drama. I just logged on to delete the event because I was tired of it telling me that I had an event...little things like that bother me. I couldn't find the event in my list of tings. WTF? It was there the other day, now I don't know where it went. It took me a few minutes to realize that it wasn't there anymore because she uninvited me. I actually started laughing at that point. Joke's on you Fingerbang, thanks for letting me know that you were thinking about me XOXO.

Seriously though, I'm over this month already. I want it to be President's Day weekend so that I can be in Dallas. I cannot wait, I might or might not be counting the days.

Letter that you'll never read

Dear Corporal,

When I first met you, I wanted you. I loved your attitude, your personality and the fact that you smelled amazing didn't hurt either. You were dating someone at the time but when I met her at your birthday party, I didn't like her. At that point, I made it my mission to step in and take her place. Mission accomplished. I loved going out with you and your friends. More importantly, I grew to love your friends as if they were my own and we had known each other for years. We all did so much together and it became a given that when they asked you to come out and chill that I would be right there with you. Everywhere I went in Bethesda, I became known as "your girl". People that knew me from before you and I got together even started calling me that. We got so many compliments because people thought we made a great couple. That always made things a little awkward because we had never really had "the talk" about what we were doing and all that good shit. It was obvious to everyone around that we cared about each other. I came over to bring you medicine when you were sick and I sat with you for hours. I took your temperature, I gave you dayquil/nyquil, I went out in a thunderstorm  (huge thing because I had just got my hair straightened the day before) to get you food because KFC doesn't deliver. I brought you red bull while you were being all Scruff McGruff and taking a bite out of crime. I brought you starbucks because you were too lazy and hungover to drive over there and get it yourself. We had fun, we laughed, we joked, we cuddled, we had sex...we had pointless conversations and we quoted Family Guy. Then everything changed overnight.

Nine months and 8 weeks ago, you got a girl pregnant. You made sure to tell me first before I had heard it from anyone else. You said that you thought the baby was yours but you weren't sure. I knew you and I was positive that the baby was in fact yours. You took a paternity test after the baby was born, just to be sure but we all already knew the answer. Having found out this information, most girls would have gone sprinting in the opposite direction. I didn't...hindsight is 20/20. You asked me to be patient and see how the situation played out. Obviously, things as we knew them would never go back to being the same for anyone involved in the situation. I was happy for you and I wanted to meet your baby, you said that I could. That all changed when the baby mama realized that you and I were dating. She hated me, she resented me for the sheer fact that I was standing in the way of her and a happy relationship with the father of her child. Newsflash bitch: he doesn't want to be with you. I had absolutely nothing against her. In fact, I admired her for going through a pregnancy and then giving birth to YOUR child all by herself. That shit can't be easy for anyone to do.

Things changed between us. Your best friend told me that I wasn't making enough of an effort to show that I cared so I tried harder to hang out with you and all that good shit. I was the only one trying. I was the only one that was showing that I cared and that kills me because the easiest way to get me to pursue you is to ignore me. Nothing pisses me off more. After awhile, I just stopped asking you if you wanted to hang out with me and I just started hanging out with my boys again. When I walked in the door of your apartment last night, things didn't even feel right. We sat on the couch and watched Family Guy, we half-heartedly cuddled. We finally got in the bed and that entire situation just felt awkward. I was on one side of the bed and you were on the other. I was awakened at 4 in the morning with this uncontrollable urge to get dressed and leave your apartment, never to return again. I had to pace in your living room for a good 20 minutes before I could calm down and get back in the bed. The entire time, you were snoring your little heart out.

I really care about you and we had a lot of fun together but this whole "relationship" has been so one-sided with me being the only one that's making an effort. Don't think for a second that I'm mad at you for having a baby and wanting to be a part of his life. I have so much respect for you for that reason. What I don't appreciate is that I'm not allowed to meet your baby at all because his mother won't allow me to. You say that you care about me and that I'm important to you so I really don't understand why I cannot sit down with the mother of your child and have an adult conversation with her. I'd like to meet her and get to know her because I know that she's important to you and you care about her as well. I'm not allowed to basically be around you and the baby yet you can go to Hooters and meet all of our friends and play pass the baby?!?    That hurts me more that you'll ever know. The worst part is that I've communicated my feelings to you on numerous occasions and you've done nothing about it. I could never hold a candle to her because she's the mother of your child and you will always have a special relationship. Does she even know that?

I don't know why I stuck around for so long after the fact. I don't know what I was waiting for or if I was even waiting for anything but I do know that this isn't a fun game anymore. I wish you the best of luck and I don't doubt that you'll make an amazing father.

I know you'll never read this letter but I just had to get it out before I break down and start crying about it...that's not cute and it'll mess up my eye make-up. Priorities, duh.

Happy New Year

This really isn't how I envisioned my New Year's post going but sometimes, desperate times call for desperate measures.

It's a little after 10AM and I'm already cracked out on Red Bull. I like the huge 20oz cans, it's kinda bad. My diet consists of Red Bull, alcohol, Chipotle, sushi and pasta. Nom nom nom. I started working out with a personal trainer and he kicks my ass every time I see him.

I'm sitting here getting my hair dyed and cut. Now is as good a time as ever for a change. I was just on the phone with my friend Ali Baba and he was nice enough to inform me that you dye eggs and you color hair...he's straight. We've become such good friends so quickly but in all honesty, I wouldn't change anything that's happened as of late. The Corporal has a baby, our entire group of friends has split up, everyone is sleeping with or trying to sleep with everyone else. There's so much drama and nonsense but I've come to realize that it's our drama and nonsense and I wouldn't trade it for the world...the fighting shows that we care about each other. That's my backwards logic for you. The Corporal's baby isn't mine, I promise. It was a situation that happened before I even knew him...fast forward a little over 9 months and the little nugget is 6 weeks old. I respect the fact that he wants to be there for the baby even though he doesn't want to be with the mother. The whole thing put a brief rift in out "situation but I can't change anything about it so I've learned to live with it. The baby mama hates me because she wants to be with the Corporal because he knocked her up, totally logical thought process. I think there could be any other chick in my place and she'd still feel the same way. It's fine if she's threatened by me but she needs to understand that I can never hold a candle to her simply because she's the mother of his child. More details to come as the story develops.

I always try to make New Year's resolutions and they never stick. This year, I just want to enjoy the little things and all the little moments that I usually take for granted. This year, I want to take more pictures. This year, I want to have more fun than I've ever had in my life with the people that matter the most. This year, I take no mercy on life.

2012, get ready to be my bitch.
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I've failed you yet again

The minute I start to actually breathe again, things get crazy and I literally have not been able to catch a break. I've been getting about four hours of sleep every night and I'm dying. I cannot wait to take my final next week.
In the past four days, I've gone from having two jobs to having four jobs. My mother's not talking to me anymore, my dad doesn't seem to care about what's going on. Little Chief Swag won't stop texting and calling me, the Corporal tells me that at this stage in our "relationship", it's nice that I'm still on my best behavior.
What the fuck is going on here?!?! I want to high-five everyone in the face, with a chair. So this is the fuckery that is my life right now...I went out with some of the girls on saturday night. We really needed a night that was just us. We went to this new sports bar in Bethesda. Our friend HootersGirl bartends there. One of the girls that I was with, Bean, is a beer rep for a lot of the bars in the area. She knows a lot of the owners and managers as well. She knows how much I hate working at the restaurant that I currently work in so she told the owner of the sports bar that I needed a job. He said I was pretty and asked me to stand up so that he could check out "the whole package". True story. He liked me and told me to come in on Sunday to talk to him. I started on training on Tuesday. Before you guys freak out and think I'm working the corners, let me explain myself. The guy that owns this place used to manage a strip club downtown; he "inspects" the girls before he agrees to work with them. I didn't like it but I need a new job. The uniform is a tight referee type shirt and Under Armour boy shorts. I wear my Uggs and legwarmers too. I'm basically working at Hooters but not really. Since the owner used to manage a strip club, he brought some of the girls with him. I work with strippers. I want to hate them but they're so sweet. I've got the potential to make a fuck ton of money there so I'm going to wait it out and see how it goes. I told my dad, he wasn't pleased but he'll tolerate it because I'm an adult and I'm trying to make more money.
Given the uniform that I have to wear, I need to work out like a fiend to make up for the fact that I don't have flotation devises for boobs. While I was talking to the membership director, he told me not to work at the sports bar and to come work at the gym instead. He was serious. I took him up on the job offer but I won't quit at the sports bar because I like making money.
I'm fairly certain that my dad told my mom about the bar, I'm not stupid enough to tell her about some job like that. She called me this morning, crying. She asked me if I got a job there and I said yes. Then she went insane. She started yelling and screaming about how shameful it is to be working there, how I'm acting like a whore. She also said that I might as well be a prostitute. Really?!? I totally wasn't expecting that response. She probably won't talk to me for awhile. At this point, I'm so done with everything that I don't even care.
The Corporal has been awesome but he's starting to go crazy. What the hell is he talking about, me being on my best behavior?! Those are things that I do and ways that I react and treat the people that I care about. Yeah, he kinda gets special treatment but that's because we're sleeping together. He's a stupid fuck.
Seriously though, I don't know why Little Chief Swag keeps reaching out to me. I deleted his number from my phone because I didn't want to be tempted to drunk text him. When he first texted me a few days ago, I pretended like I didn't know who it was because I didn't have his number in my phone, he called me and was legitimately mad. He keeps texting me to see how I'm doing and to see if I want to hang out. I don't want to do that with him. It's weird how he just popped up but I'm over it.
I swear that in the next post I write, I'll make sense and have a much better attitude. I solemnly swear!
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Oh hey girl!

I got an award and it is legit. I'm currently working on a paper for my Psych class so as soon as I run train on that bad boy, I will share my award with you guys.

I also think that it will soon be time for another video blog.

I actually do have funny shit to tell you, for once! In the meantime, enjoy this song because I dance around in my underwear to it...

Things happen for a reason, right?!

Things are good and life is good. Things with the Corporeal are great so why is it that I can't get a certain person out of my mind? Every time I think about him, my heart beats a little faster and my palms get sweaty. It's not even like I would rather be with him or anything like that. I don't know what the hell it is. I found this little gem online and it all made sense...

Boys smell like an unidentifiable musk. Each one comes with his own unique fragrance and the second you come in contact with it, it’s locked into your memory forever. Because even though it’s hard to pinpoint exactly what it is, you’ll smell it for years to come. You’ll smell the boy who used to love you in the summertime at a grocery store when you’re 25 or maybe even 30, and it will stop you dead in your tracks, temporarily paralyzed by a memory. You feel like you don’t have a right to sniff that smell anymore so you make a beeline for the exit and get the hell away from it. You go home and drown yourself in your own perfume and try to erase its mark.

Last time I checked, I had no desire to actually be with him. I think that I just miss the way things were and all the things we used to do. As I wrote that sentence, I realized that we never actually did anything though. So basically, I miss not doing anything with him... does that even make sense? I don't even know what I'm saying but in my mind, it totally makes sense.

The other night, I had a dream that I was out with Little Chief Swag. We were walking down the street and holding hands, I was laughing at whatever stupid thing he said. It was so real, so familiar but then all of a sudden, his girlfriend showed up and I literally started to disappear into thin air. I woke up in bed next to the Corporal and for some reason, I wasn't expecting him to be there. It was almost as if I was half expecting Little Chief Swag to be there; it made no sense, considering I went to sleep in the Corporal's bed. I woke up in some guy's bed and I dreamed  about a completely different guy. WTF? There must have been something that triggered my memory and I didn't realize it until I was asleep. I think know I'm rambling, sorry.

I feel like the only reason I keep thinking about him is because his stupid little girlfriend keeps tagging him in pictures and they keep showing up in my newsfeed. She's not even pretty, I'm sure she's a stupid bitch. Yes, that is my jealousy talking and no, I don't care if it makes me sound childish. Perfect quotes for moments like these...

Things that are awkward...

Me. I've come to the conclusion that I really am socially awkward. I'm weird like that. At times, I'm totally fine and other times, I freak out when I have to talk to new people. I don't know why. I look at my friends and they're not awkward (not really). They're so much more outgoing and what not. They also all have siblings. I strongly think that that contributes to their personalities. I mean I have a brother and everything (mommy found him in a trashcan and thought he was cute so we kept him) but he was never really around when I was younger.  Fail.

I'm sorry that I've been the worst blogger ever lately. I don't even have a good reason/explanation. In all honesty though, every time I sit down to blog/stalk your blogs, something comes up. I just need to start turning off my phone and ignoring the world so that I can get shit done...or so that stupid people don't piss me off every five minutes.

It's such a blah day today. There are so many things that I need to do today but there just doesn't seem to be enough hours in the day to get everything done. Life Fail.

I cannot be more pleased that tomorrow is Friday. It's my friend's birthday tomorrow so he's having a dinner party and we're all supposed to bring food. For some reason, I volunteered to bring stuffing. I don't even know how to make that shit. Lord help us all the minute I turn on the oven. I'll keep you posted.

A recap of my life

As promised, I have an update about everything that's been going on in my life lately. In all honesty, I don't even know where to begin.

A couple of weeks ago, I was with LRog because we both had the day off so we made it a point of having all day shenanigans together. We went to Arlington to pick up her pay check from the gym and we had lunch; it was a nice, big kid, leisurely affair. We eventually came back to this side of the pond and went to Target. It's official: no matter who I go in there with, I always walk out with shit that I do not need. LRog and I were walking around the men's department because the clothes are so much comfier. I ended up buying a hoodie, a flannel button-down (I totally needed it) and some other useless shit. We left there and went to the bar, I don't even think that it was 5 o'clock yet. Nothing ever stops our party. Her friend, the Corporal, came to hang out with us. I knew who he was when she mentioned his name because I facebook stalk/investigate. Technically, I had done no wrong because he came up as one of the friends that Facebook suggested for me. Anyway, he shows up at the bar and he is hot as shit in person. He smells delicious (always a plus), he's funny, he's all around kind of amazing. He's only kind of amazing because I'm more amazing, duh. We get along really well and we agree on the same things but we always disagree reasonably (meaning that I don't want to punch him in the face for expressing a different opinion). We've been hanging out a lot lately. He was semi-dating this girl when I met him and everything that he told me about her were red flags that she was crazy. I finally got to meet her at his birthday party. Bitch was crazy as fuck, legitimately. He was already pretty much over the situation but a small part of him was hoping that it would work out. Then I showed up, wearing heels and a dress (that only happens on rare occasions) and he forgot all about that crazy bitch. Oops.

The Corporal and I hang out so much that when his boys invite him out, they assume that I'm going to come too. That's not the case; I want him to continue spending time with his boys, I'm not one of those girls that will take over his life because I want to spend all my time with him. I need my space. Can we just talk about how he took me to dinner at his parents house?! He took me to meet his parents on the same day that we slept together (oops on my part). Seriously though, he asked me and the way he said it, I really didn't have a choice in saying no. I was mildly freaking out in the car (silently of course) because I was thinking about the significance of what was about to happen. I was totally overreacting. I take people guys or girls to meet my mom all the time just because it's not unheard of for her to stop by my place randomly. I checked with LRog to make sure that I wasn't going crazy/looking too much into the situation...I was. He takes people to his parents house all the time, she's been there plenty of times. I was totally relieved when she told me that. Whatever. I'm having fun with him and that's all that matters right now.


I'm a girl and at times, I like bedazzlement. I happened to be at the mall one day and something sparkly caught my eye out of my peripheral. My legs started moving before I could even register what it was. I walked into Victoria's Secret and stood there in front of the most amazing sight ever: an entire wall of PINK football themed attire. I couldn't care less about the Redskins shit because they're not my team but there was a shit ton of of Ravens stuff. LRog and I were actually speechless at how beautiful everything was. I wanted to buy everything because it was all black and purple, sequined and amazing. I'm not made of money so I settled for half of the shit...not even kidding.

I honestly don't know of anything else that has happened in my life recently. I've been so busy with work lately that my brain is fried.

While most people are out and about on a Saturday night, I will be at home cleaning my room...finally.

I am a horrible person

No seriously, I am. I have been sucking at life lately. I got my laptop back at some point last week, it might have been the week before...I honestly can't remember. The damn thing has been sitting on my kitchen table since I picked it up. I've been so busy/so tired that I let everything fall by the wayside. My apartment looks like Halloween/my entire closet/Tinkerbell exploded in it; it's ridiculous. I started cleaning it last night when I got home and there was literally glitter everywhere. My life is somewhat in shambles right now.

Thank you so much for all the blog love and comments that you left in my brief (and never to happen again) absence. I have so much blog stalking to catch up on; there aren't enough hours in the day!!

I got another tattoo. As soon as it finishes healing, I will post a picture for you.

The snow did not hinder my Halloween plans but I know that it did for some. Oddly enough, I was the designated driver all weekend. It was funny because I went out with some of the guys, one of whom happens to be a cop. He's hot, he let me play with his gun AND his taser. Both were made "Mackenzie-safe" (similar to child-proof) before I started prancing around his apartment with them. I have so much to tell you!


Shane, to answer your question...Mr. One Testicle really did only have one. Here's the link to that post so that you can read the whole thing. I will most likely not be seeing him again (on purpose) but I run into him randomly around Bethesda. Since given him my number, he has decided that I'm the perfect girl to drunk text at last call to get me to go home with him. Excuse me?! That's not happening, buddy. I texted him the next morning and told him to just delete my number from his phone if he was stupid enough to be that girl. That sucks because I actually liked him as a person. His loss.


I have to run because I've got to get to work. I do have a little glimpse of me in prime Halloween action. I'll upload the video asap so you can laugh as much as I did when I saw it.

LOVE YOU TONS!!!

Happy Thursday

I may or may not have gotten another tattoo today...
Hope you're having a good day!!

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Oops

My laptop may have completely died, I'm not sure. It won't turn on anymore, it won't charge...it's a disaster. I'm fairly certain that I have a bunch of viruses on it. That could be a direct result of me watching too much porn; sometimes, you just can't help it!! My little laptop that could is at the Geek Squad right now as they try to figure out the problem. I feel so naked without it, it's weird. Hopefully, it'll be done by Friday. As soon as I get it back, expect an amazing post about all my shenanigans. Until then, make me proud with all your tomfoolery!
Love you tons.
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Tomfoolery at its finest

I would have written a post earlier but I literally did not have time. I had Friday off and because LRog had the day off as well, we decided that it was a good idea to spend the day together. We went to Arlington to pick up her paycheck from the gym and we had lunch at the Cheesecake Factory. That's when the drinking started. I was really hungry (per the usual) so I ordered pasta. If you've ever been to that restaurant, you know how big the portions are...I basically ordered enough food for 2 people. Fattie.
We decided that more drinks were in order so we came back to the area and went to Target. Shenanigans! We walked around the clothing section, trying on shit that we didn't need and we both walked out $50 poorer. That's not bad considering the damage that I normally do at Target. After we left there, we decided that it was time that we indulged in some happy hour action at 4 in the afternoon. We're cool like that, no big deal.
We went to our favorite neighborhood dive bar (also because we're cool like that) and it was so weird because we've never been there that early before. There were a bunch a old guys and their creepy "girlfriends". LRog and I sat at the bar and decided that we needed to call in some people to drink with us. She made some calls and the boys showed up. She knew that she needed to be up at 630 the next morning but at that point, she knew that we weren't going to make it home until morning.
We all left the bar and went to Bethesda to get food/more alcohol. We must have hit 3 or 4 bars, I wasn't really drinking because I knew that I had to drive home. We go to Tommy Joe's and I ran into Mr. One Testicle (there's a post about him from a few months ago). He put his arms around me from behind and gave me a kiss on the cheek. That caused some issues because the guys that we were with are all friends with his ex. They haven't been together in over a year AND she has a new boyfriend. What's the freaking problem?! He kinda got the message so he walked away. I was on my way to the bathroom and I saw him again. We made eye contact, it was so intense that it actually gave me tingles in my girlie parts! I went up to him and absolutely no words were exchanged before he kissed me; next thing I know we were making out in the middle of the bar. Oops. He kept trying to get me to go home with him but I refused because I had to take LRog home, I couldn't just leave her stranded at the bar.
We ended up leaving and going to another bar. There was a lot of drama because the guys that we were with wanted to know what my deal was with Mr. One Testicle blah blah blah. It's none of their business. LRog and I ended up calling it a night because it was 3AM. I like the guys that we were with, they were sweet and all that but I'm not down with them all up in my shit.
Why is it that there always has to be so much drama?! I think that's one of the reasons that I'm so iffy about dating or any of that. It might also have something to do with the fact that I'm picky. Sorry that I don't want to date a douchcanoe.
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Video blog #2: what's written on my forehead?!

I decided that I was too lazy to actually type a long post so I decided that a video blog would be a good idea.

Also, I started the October playlist of good shit. This one's a little different, it's heavy on the mellow tunes because it's just been that kind of week.

Here's the link so that you can check out Jodie Marsh's crazy abs. Seriously though, Google pictures of her...they're mildly entertaining.

Enjoy the video bitches!