I hooked up with a guy with one testicle

The events of this past weekend prompted me to write my previous post. I have to give you a little back story on this one because it's all relevant. Right before my 21st birthday, I was hooking up with this 
kid, we'll just call him DMD2. He had this crazy group of friends and he warned me that it was hard to get into their circle because they were all so protective of each other. He introduced me to his friends and they liked me, I really liked them too. He was worried about his one friend, HootersGirl, totally disliking me. We actually really liked each other, I thought she was adorable. I don't usually like girls because they have vaginas and that fucks with their ability to think straight. She and I really did hit it off. Anyway, we all made plans to go out one night. HootersGirl brought her bf at the time, GC, and I thought he was hot as shit. Now don't get me wrong, I was totally hooking up with DMD2 but I still couldn't help but notice how hot the other guy was. Dude and I didn't last long as a "couple" but we ended up becoming really good friends. HootersGirl and I would occasionally run into each other in Bethesda or she would just happen to sit in my section for lunch, with said hot bf. He was always so sweet and remembered my name without being reminded. 

Fast forward a few years and multiple coincidental meetings with HootersGirls and GC, and then when they broke up, just GC. When I would run into him after they broke up, he was always very flirtatious and I was totally okay with that because I was the exact same way with him. Saturday night, I ran into him at Tommy Joe's. I almost didn't go out that night because I had taken a power nap at my best friend's and when I woke up, all I wanted to do was go home and pass the fuck out. I'm weired and I totally believe in signs and shit so I'm choosing to think that there was an actual reason that I ended up going out. It had nothing to do with alcohol because I was done drinking for the day. We get to the bar and I order a beer, that's a clear sign that I'm not feeling the night because I hate beer. I was wearing leggings and a t-shirt, both of which I had napped in, so I wasn't feeling very sexy. I have this thing with people touching me, I just don't like it, especially when I'm in a shitty mood. Some guy came up behind me at the bar and wrapped his arm around my waist and pulled me back towards him. I was about to turn around and punch him in the face and then I realize who it was...GC, standing there with all 6 foot 2 inches of his sexiness. He gave me one of those hugs that you give people you want to fuck, the hugs that linger a little longer than most and where both of your bodies are pressed together. We briefly caught up, talked about both of our new jobs and the entire time, he kept his hand low on the small of my back. I went to find my friends and he continued talking to his friends womp womp womp. If you've been to Tommy Joe's, you know that it's only so big and there are only so many places that you can go. Since it was nice outside, I knew that my friends would be in the middle bar because it has an open roof. He somehow ended up right behind me again. I did nothing to initiate any of the initial contact with him, he just kept coming up to me and I loved it. We flirted a lot and we were very touchy-feely. When last call came around, he told me that I should come hang out with him and his boys. My best friend didn't want to chill so it was a solo mission. 

When we got back to his place, we sat on the couch for a little and hung out with his boys. They were funny and inappropriate and I liked them. I started falling asleep on the couch because GC was rubbing my back, sure fire way to make me fall asleep. We got up and went to his room. As soon as he shut the door behind us, he pushed me against it and kissed me in such a way that made my toes curl. We literally just started ripping each other's clothes off at that point, we could not keep our hands off each other. He kissed and licked his way down my body and went down on me right there against the door. There is nothing I love more than when  a guy is strong enough and big enough to pick me up. He literally picked me, slid himself inside of me and carried me to his bed all in one movement. I nearly creamed myself right then. I went to switch it up and give him head. While I was giving the dome, my tongue noticed something a little weird. I could have sworn there was one testicle. We were in the heat of passion fucking so I just assumed that I was moving too quickly and missed the other one. How does that happen? They come in pairs and are literally connected. WTF?! I just let it go at that point because there was no way that that conversation was going to go well. We fooled around for hours and by the time we rolled off each other, we were both sweating like whores in church and neither of us wanted to move. He finally got up to go to the bathroom and I got up and got dressed because I had every intention of going home. When he came back to his room and saw me fully dressed, he knew exactly what I was doing and looked really "sad". The face he made actually made me feel bad so I stayed. He slowly undressed me again, layed me down on the bed and rubbed my back until I fell asleep. The whole time he's doing that, all I could think was "what the hell is going on right now?"

We snuggled, we madeout like teenagers in the back of a movie theater, we talked and we laughed. I did everything with thim that I swear I would never do with guys that I wasn't dating. He pulled me in closer at one point and whispered about how I fit perfectly in his big spoon. EXCUSE ME?!? A few hours later, I rolled because I heard GC talking to someone. His roommate came home and assumed that dude was alone so he walked into the room and just started talking. GC introduced me to J, who proceeded to sit down in the desk chair at the end of the bed and hang out. We were both ass naked under the covers and no one seemed to care. The most awkward thing was that we were all laughing and joking with each other. What?! Dude, I fucked your roommate last night and we're still naked and in bed. You're sitting there, just chilling like nothing's going on. In any other situation, I would totally be weirded out by that but I was totally okay. J was funny and I liked him. Then J's girlfriend came over and sat on the edge of the bed and chilled too. Still wasn't weird. It was like a Twilight Zone moment and ordinarily I would have such a huge problem with the whole scenario but I was oddly loving it. That's when I knew I had to get the fuck out of there, like five minutes ago. I got dressed and got ready to leave. GC walked me to the door and gave me another toe-curling kiss then made his way down my neck to my collarbone. I almost melted right then and there. There was no exchange of numbers or promises me see each other again, it was just "thanks, peace out". 

I had some of the most amazing sex I ever had with a guy with one testicle. I asked my friend LRog about him because I knew that she had known him for a long time. I just wanted to make sure that he wasn't actually seeing anyone because I didn't want some crazy bitch coming after me on the mean streets of Bethesda. When I asked her about him, she just started laughing and asked if I had noticed him one testicle. My mouth dropped and then we were both laughing. Her best friend hooked up with him in high school to find out whether or not the one ball rumor was actually true. We laughed for a really long time about. It definitely does not fuck with his ability to lay pipe because he does that like a champ. 

Moral of the story ladies and gentleman: if you hear that someone cute have a "deformity" or irregularity, give them a chance anyway. You might not regret it. 

Song of the day: Here's to warm nights, pool parties and everything that symbolizes summer. Enjoy...

1 comment:

  1. THIS KILLS ME!!! Because, I had the same type of expierence! 1 ball, knew how to lay pipe like a champ. And he was one of my greatest loves!
    But, this was hilarious!