Everyday, I'm shuffling.

 I went to the beach for Memorial Day weekend, best decision ever. We had such a good time, it was one big shitshow. I don't usually go out and get crazy but this time, I really didn't give a shit. All we did was drink copious amounts of alcohol, lay on the beach and party like it was our job. You only live once so you might as well make that shit as fun as possible. If any of you have ever been to Seacrets in OC, you know how big that place is. Somehow, I lost my friends for an hour but it was fine because I made more friends and we drank. I pissed in the men's bathroom way too many times...the line for the women's bathroom is always long as shit and I had to pee real bad! I got crucially sunburnt because I fell asleep in the sun and nobody wanted to wake me up because I hate being awakened when I'm not ready to wake up. Thanks fuckers! Now which one of you bitches is going to rub aloe all over my body?!?!

I'm a huge fan of he Baltimore Ravens. I sleep in Willis McGahee jersey every night before game day and I wear a Ray Rice jersey every game day. They are my boys and no matter what happens, I will always love them. I said all that to say that I met Ray Rice on the beach. I was laying there on my towel, minding my own business and he was with his friends not more than 10 feet away. When I first saw him, I immediately creamed myself. Once I recovered, I tried not to cause a scene so that he would see me. I was trying to formulate a plan of action when he started talking to me. Ray Rice started talking to me, I creamed myself again. He asked me what my name was and the usual shit like that and then he asked me if I wanted to play catch. I'm sorry, whaaaaat? That was my first mistake, I should have freaking played catch with him. He legit started flirting with me. I was wearing nothing but a bikini so there wasn't much to be left to the imagination. He saw the tattoo that wraps around my hip and then he touched it, he rubbed my tattoo and said that he liked it. That was his first mistake. I don't care who you are, I do not like being touched. And the fact that I have thought about you bending me over every single piece of furniture in my apartment is completely irrelevant. I don't like being touched and I told him that, he laughed it off. I will not compromise myself or my values just because you made me cream myself in a 30 second span just by being near me! He told me that I was going to be his date to Party Block on 17th Street. They were leaving at 145 and I should meet them in the hotel lobby so that I could ride with them. Again...I'm sorry, whaaaat?! Ray Rice just told me to be his date to a freaking party. I'm in there like motherfucking swimwear. I love it when I man takes control and tells me what I'm going to do, within reason of course. I had an hour before I needed to be in his hotel lobby. At that point I should have gone back to the room and freshened up a little bit; I was hot and sweaty, I reeked of alcohol, I was slightly intoxicated, I was just a hot fucking mess. I decided that taking a power nap in the sun was a much better idea because I didn't want to get there and be tired an hour later. I told my friends to wake me up at 130. Mind you, we're laying on the beach in the middle of the afternoon when it's hot as balls and there isn't a cloud in the sky. I wake up at 3 o'clock because I was parched as shit. I grabbed a gross, hot beer and downed the whole thing. Then I looked at my watch and freaked the fuck out. How could I have fucked this up? The only thing I had to do was be ready at 145 so that I could ride with them to the bar. I was pissed as shit. And on top of it, my "power nap" was the reason I got a crucial sunburn. I met Ray Rice and fucked it up. I'm still bitter about that shit.

Summer, I'm ready for you. You better bring your A game because we will tear your ass up if you don't. 

Song of the day...fast-forward to about 1:25. Turn it up real loud and get ready to rage, I know we did all weekend. Enjoy!

1 comment:

  1. I'm jealous you got to go to the beach for Memorial Day. I was stuck working and had to skip over a lake filled weekend!