So I was just sitting here, catching up on my blog reading and I saw someone's video blog. I think that that's an amazing idea and I want to do. If I had a video blog, would you watch it? You should because I'm awesome. And if I actually did a video blog and you watched it, you would be able to see how truly, amazingly cool I am, duh. First order of business, learn howto use my webcam. I can it happening now, I'm going to take my laptop to the Geek Squad at Best Buy and I'm going to ask them to show me how to use it. They're probably going to think that I'm trying to have Skype sex with some dude. Not the case assholes! I'll let you know how that goes.
Once they show me how to use it, you guys should really get excited because I'm going to be posting video blogs!
Day 2 of not smoking...I'm still alive. I just had cold pizza and OJ for breakfast, now I want a cigarette. I never smoke in my apartment. On days when I stay in bed all day, I don't smoke because I always leave the pack in the car. That's non-lazy me looking out for lazy me, I've never craved a cigarette so badly that I will actually go out to my car and get one. That's just way too much work.
I'm glad that tomorrow is Friday but I'm not pleased that I have to work at the restaurant tonight. I'm lightly punching myself in the ovaries right now. As the time gets closer for me to clock in, the frequency and the intensity will increase.
Showing posts with label restaurant. Show all posts
Showing posts with label restaurant. Show all posts
9.05.2011
Weekend Recap
This post would have come sooner but I legitimately didn't have time for it, actually doing shit wears me out! Thursday was my mom's birthday, she swears that it was her 45th. Lies. Add about ten years and you'll have her correct age but to humor her, I keep wishing her a happy 50th every year. Anyway, being the nice daughter that I am, I bought her tickets to tour Fallingwater. If you don't know what that is, feel free to educate yourself here. I think that it is, by far, one of my favorite Frank Lloyd Wright homes. It's absolutely stunning. Our tour appointment was at 8:30AM (ungodly hour) and we left my place at 4:30AM (an even ungodlier hour) because we didn't want to get stuck in traffic or get lost. We didn't get stuck in traffic but we did get lost. Mommy blames it on the incredibly dense fog but I blame it on her inability to read a ginormous street sign. Seriously though, the fog was so dense and so low that we couldn't even see the brake lights on the car in front of us. Mapquest decided to play a sick joke on us and take us through the backwoods of PA. Kid you not, we were driving on two lane, rollercoaster like roads; there were cornfields on one side and cows and horse on the other. I was totally okay with that because I like to get down with nature. But then, I happen to notice lovely Confederate flags everywhere. My mom instinctively locks the car doors and we both check our phones...of course, we had no service. The dramatic person that I am, I immediately start ranting about how the car is going to die and backwoods, inbred rednecks are going to sniff us out. They're going to come find us and then they're going do horrible things to us AND make us squeal like pigs. I've seen Deliverance and everything that happened in that movie happens in real life, duh!
Anyway, we make it out of the Confederacy alive and we get to Ohiopyle, PA. Cutest little place I have ever seen. I really need to go back there for a weekend with a friend (preferably a boy) and shack up in a cabin and do nothing, or something depending on how you look out it. Anyway, we finally make it to Fallingwater unharmed. Smart girl that I am, I had forgotten to charge my camera the night before so it died halfway through the tour. Idiot. I did take some sweet pictures with my phone though. I really took the most random pictures ever.
We got back from PA a lot earlier than we thought that we would so I decided that we were going to the gun range because I wanted to learn about the classes that they offered. I'm really glad that Mommy went with me because it was really intimidating and had I been alone, I probably would have just walked out. She was not happy to be there at all because she thinks that I have anger issues and that as soon as I learn how to shoot a gun, I'm going to go out and buy one and start shooting everyone that pissed me off. We actually had a serious conversation about it that resulted in me getting really pissed off. She actually thinks that I would physically harm someone. REALLY?!? If that's the case mother dear, then you should reevaluate your parenting skills. I would never, in my life, actually physically harm someone. I don't have the time nor do I have the patience for it and oh by the way, I was taught that hurting others is wrong. That whole conversation with her thoroughly annoyed me.
Moving on. On Sunday, I spent some much needed girl time with my friend Chelsea. We had sushi and we went to see Our Idiot Brother. It was pretty good. I'm so glad that we had girl time because we really needed to vent and get things off our chest. She's so cute, I love her.
Today, I was supposed to go to the beach with my friend Bruno and his friend Philippe. That didn't quite work out because the weather wasn't looking so hot. Instead we decided that crabs were a better idea. Since Philippe had never been to Annapolis, we decided to go there to stuff our faces. I'm from Maryland so I'll crush the shit out of some crabs but today I wasn't quite feeling all the work . We settled for a dozen crabs, shrimp and a shit ton of fried because we're cool like that. After we stuffed our faces, we decided that going to Ikea was a good idea. Seriously, best idea ever. I love that store but I hate it when I go in there and don't have the money to buy everything that I need. I saw that couch and all the furniture that I want for my apartment. I needed to go and see that shit, now I'm totally motivated to get back on that track. After we left Ikea, we went to Coldstone because we're fatties like that. I pay no attention to college sports so I had no idea why the traffic was so bad in College Park. Turns out that University of Miami was playing UMD and that's why traffic was so bad on Route 1. Damn football.
By the time I got home and sat down on the couch, my exhaustion finally settled in. Tomorrow, I promise a picture post with all the good shit I took at Fallingwater. Until then, I'm going to catch up on my sleep.
Later bitches!!
Anyway, we make it out of the Confederacy alive and we get to Ohiopyle, PA. Cutest little place I have ever seen. I really need to go back there for a weekend with a friend (preferably a boy) and shack up in a cabin and do nothing, or something depending on how you look out it. Anyway, we finally make it to Fallingwater unharmed. Smart girl that I am, I had forgotten to charge my camera the night before so it died halfway through the tour. Idiot. I did take some sweet pictures with my phone though. I really took the most random pictures ever.
We got back from PA a lot earlier than we thought that we would so I decided that we were going to the gun range because I wanted to learn about the classes that they offered. I'm really glad that Mommy went with me because it was really intimidating and had I been alone, I probably would have just walked out. She was not happy to be there at all because she thinks that I have anger issues and that as soon as I learn how to shoot a gun, I'm going to go out and buy one and start shooting everyone that pissed me off. We actually had a serious conversation about it that resulted in me getting really pissed off. She actually thinks that I would physically harm someone. REALLY?!? If that's the case mother dear, then you should reevaluate your parenting skills. I would never, in my life, actually physically harm someone. I don't have the time nor do I have the patience for it and oh by the way, I was taught that hurting others is wrong. That whole conversation with her thoroughly annoyed me.
Moving on. On Sunday, I spent some much needed girl time with my friend Chelsea. We had sushi and we went to see Our Idiot Brother. It was pretty good. I'm so glad that we had girl time because we really needed to vent and get things off our chest. She's so cute, I love her.
Today, I was supposed to go to the beach with my friend Bruno and his friend Philippe. That didn't quite work out because the weather wasn't looking so hot. Instead we decided that crabs were a better idea. Since Philippe had never been to Annapolis, we decided to go there to stuff our faces. I'm from Maryland so I'll crush the shit out of some crabs but today I wasn't quite feeling all the work . We settled for a dozen crabs, shrimp and a shit ton of fried because we're cool like that. After we stuffed our faces, we decided that going to Ikea was a good idea. Seriously, best idea ever. I love that store but I hate it when I go in there and don't have the money to buy everything that I need. I saw that couch and all the furniture that I want for my apartment. I needed to go and see that shit, now I'm totally motivated to get back on that track. After we left Ikea, we went to Coldstone because we're fatties like that. I pay no attention to college sports so I had no idea why the traffic was so bad in College Park. Turns out that University of Miami was playing UMD and that's why traffic was so bad on Route 1. Damn football.
By the time I got home and sat down on the couch, my exhaustion finally settled in. Tomorrow, I promise a picture post with all the good shit I took at Fallingwater. Until then, I'm going to catch up on my sleep.
Later bitches!!
8.19.2011
Good shit
This is a random post because my brain is on void and I'm having a hard time just thinking clearly. TGIF bitches. Every time I hear something funny, I always put it in my phone so that I can use it later. It got to the point where I had so much random funny shit that I've said or that other people have said. I'm in a giving mood so I thought I'd share...
"I specialize in lumber but I can help you go skiing if you want." I was eavesdropping on this conversation that the people behind me were having at a bar one night. It was a coded drug deal, they weren't slick.
Bartender: How old are you?
Drinker: I'm 32.
Bartender: (talking to me) He's really 12 though.
Drinker: Listen, I might be 12 on the inside but I definitely have big boy toys for the ladies.
"I ain't a hipster but baby, I can make your hips stir." Really dude, I've heard that song before.
"Look bitch, don't make me go pop the trunk on you." Some trashy chick actually said that to another trashy chick, I heard it in passing and could not contain my laughter. She said it with so much emotion but she was all of 5 foot nothing. Small women amuse me when they get angry.
"I'm not into girls. I just like to have my pussy licked and you like to lick it." This was part of an actual conversation that I overheard in the bathroom at the Nats stadium one night. These two girls were in the handicap stall and they were definitely about to hook up. The way they were talking was so intimate and dirty that I actually blushed. I swear I hear the craziest shit sometimes.
I was at work last night and I went into the kitchen to ask the guys to make me some food. I love the kitchen staff, I call them all "Papi chulo" because they're adorable. One of the guys "stole my heart" because he always makes me extra food and I don't even have to ask for it anymore. His name's Carlos but he also responds to "Boyfriend" when I call him that. He's literally 5 feet tall with a pot belly but he's so adorable, I think he's only a few years older than I am. He walks up to me as I'm talking to one of the other guys and dude licks the side of my face, from jawbone to hairline. What the fuck just happened?!? He did it and then went back to cooking whatever the hell he was making, as if nothing had happened. I kinda just stood there for a second because I really didn't know what to do. He licked the side of my face. Then I burst out laughing because it was so freaking funny. The guys in the kitchen kept on going as if nothing had happened. The fact that I didn't gut him right then and there proves that I actually have a soft spot for those guys. Had it been anyone else, I would have slit their throat and pulled their tongue back through it.
I was at Tommy Joe's the other night and I was talking to this guy, War. He was telling me about this guy that he had problems with. I had a hard time imagining that because War is such a sweet person.
War: The guy is a total douchebag and he's just mad because his girlfriend liked me better.
Me: If she has a boyfriend, then why the hell are you carrying on with her like that?
War: She wants my nuts on her chin, that's not my fault.
Me: Did she actually say that to you?!?
War: She didn't say it in those words but she had that hungry look in her eyes. You know, that look when a girl really wants it and you know she's a freak? You know what I'm talking about, I'm sure you've given that look to a few guys before.
Me: Excuse the fuck out of you. I have never once said that I want some guy to stick his dick so far down my throat that his nuts are resting on my chin. And I have never giving a guy that dick hungry look. I only look like then when I want actual food.
War: Babe, there's not point in denying it, all girls have done it at some point in their lives. Anyway, I was sitting in the corner booth with the guys one night and after eye fucking the shit out of me for awhile, she finally comes over and sits down. The guy guys, pussy fiends that they are, got the hint and walked away. We started talking and then we started making out. Not once did she mention anything about having a boyfriend. Next thing I know, she's straddling me, in the booth. She gave me a huge lumber and I was definitely about to take her back to my place and tear her ass up. She---
Me: Wait, what kind of kinky bitches are you messing with? Why the hell would she give you a piece of wood?
War: (looking at me like I have three heads) Seriously Mackenzie?! Let me break it down for you. She gave me a massive hard-on.
Me: Oh. Well why didn't you just say that fool?!
War: Anyway, her boyfriend gets in my face about flirting with his girl and all that shit. I told him that she never mentioned anything about having a boyfriend and that the only issue was whether or not she'd come back to him when I was done with her.
Me: Now I see why that guy doesn't like you. You made out with his girlfriend then you found out that she had a boyfriend. You were still going to take her ass home with you and then toss her away like a piece of shit. You're such a prick.
War: No babe, I'm a guy. There's a difference.
Me: Not all guys are like that though. Please tell me that there is hope for me.
War: (he smiled and brushed the hair out of my eyes) There will always be hope for you, gorgeous. You never know, the right guy for you might be right under your nose.
How the hell am I supposed to interpret that last statement. Was he insinuating something? Am I looking too much into it? I tend to over analyze things but I also tend to be right on the mark when guys have feelings for me. This kid and I have been texting back and forth all day. It's kinda bad.
Don't let another missed opportunity keep love at bay, Cancer. You're self-protective nature can keep you from striking while the iron is hot. Chances are, the relationship of a lifetime is right under your nose but you keep missing the obvious signs because you are stuck in the past. Don't let love pass you by -- get present because one day could be today.
"I specialize in lumber but I can help you go skiing if you want." I was eavesdropping on this conversation that the people behind me were having at a bar one night. It was a coded drug deal, they weren't slick.
Bartender: How old are you?
Drinker: I'm 32.
Bartender: (talking to me) He's really 12 though.
Drinker: Listen, I might be 12 on the inside but I definitely have big boy toys for the ladies.
"I ain't a hipster but baby, I can make your hips stir." Really dude, I've heard that song before.
"Look bitch, don't make me go pop the trunk on you." Some trashy chick actually said that to another trashy chick, I heard it in passing and could not contain my laughter. She said it with so much emotion but she was all of 5 foot nothing. Small women amuse me when they get angry.
"I'm not into girls. I just like to have my pussy licked and you like to lick it." This was part of an actual conversation that I overheard in the bathroom at the Nats stadium one night. These two girls were in the handicap stall and they were definitely about to hook up. The way they were talking was so intimate and dirty that I actually blushed. I swear I hear the craziest shit sometimes.
I was at work last night and I went into the kitchen to ask the guys to make me some food. I love the kitchen staff, I call them all "Papi chulo" because they're adorable. One of the guys "stole my heart" because he always makes me extra food and I don't even have to ask for it anymore. His name's Carlos but he also responds to "Boyfriend" when I call him that. He's literally 5 feet tall with a pot belly but he's so adorable, I think he's only a few years older than I am. He walks up to me as I'm talking to one of the other guys and dude licks the side of my face, from jawbone to hairline. What the fuck just happened?!? He did it and then went back to cooking whatever the hell he was making, as if nothing had happened. I kinda just stood there for a second because I really didn't know what to do. He licked the side of my face. Then I burst out laughing because it was so freaking funny. The guys in the kitchen kept on going as if nothing had happened. The fact that I didn't gut him right then and there proves that I actually have a soft spot for those guys. Had it been anyone else, I would have slit their throat and pulled their tongue back through it.
I was at Tommy Joe's the other night and I was talking to this guy, War. He was telling me about this guy that he had problems with. I had a hard time imagining that because War is such a sweet person.
War: The guy is a total douchebag and he's just mad because his girlfriend liked me better.
Me: If she has a boyfriend, then why the hell are you carrying on with her like that?
War: She wants my nuts on her chin, that's not my fault.
Me: Did she actually say that to you?!?
War: She didn't say it in those words but she had that hungry look in her eyes. You know, that look when a girl really wants it and you know she's a freak? You know what I'm talking about, I'm sure you've given that look to a few guys before.
Me: Excuse the fuck out of you. I have never once said that I want some guy to stick his dick so far down my throat that his nuts are resting on my chin. And I have never giving a guy that dick hungry look. I only look like then when I want actual food.
War: Babe, there's not point in denying it, all girls have done it at some point in their lives. Anyway, I was sitting in the corner booth with the guys one night and after eye fucking the shit out of me for awhile, she finally comes over and sits down. The guy guys, pussy fiends that they are, got the hint and walked away. We started talking and then we started making out. Not once did she mention anything about having a boyfriend. Next thing I know, she's straddling me, in the booth. She gave me a huge lumber and I was definitely about to take her back to my place and tear her ass up. She---
Me: Wait, what kind of kinky bitches are you messing with? Why the hell would she give you a piece of wood?
War: (looking at me like I have three heads) Seriously Mackenzie?! Let me break it down for you. She gave me a massive hard-on.
Me: Oh. Well why didn't you just say that fool?!
War: Anyway, her boyfriend gets in my face about flirting with his girl and all that shit. I told him that she never mentioned anything about having a boyfriend and that the only issue was whether or not she'd come back to him when I was done with her.
Me: Now I see why that guy doesn't like you. You made out with his girlfriend then you found out that she had a boyfriend. You were still going to take her ass home with you and then toss her away like a piece of shit. You're such a prick.
War: No babe, I'm a guy. There's a difference.
Me: Not all guys are like that though. Please tell me that there is hope for me.
War: (he smiled and brushed the hair out of my eyes) There will always be hope for you, gorgeous. You never know, the right guy for you might be right under your nose.
How the hell am I supposed to interpret that last statement. Was he insinuating something? Am I looking too much into it? I tend to over analyze things but I also tend to be right on the mark when guys have feelings for me. This kid and I have been texting back and forth all day. It's kinda bad.
Don't let another missed opportunity keep love at bay, Cancer. You're self-protective nature can keep you from striking while the iron is hot. Chances are, the relationship of a lifetime is right under your nose but you keep missing the obvious signs because you are stuck in the past. Don't let love pass you by -- get present because one day could be today.
That was my horoscope yesterday. Is that a sign? I sure as hell don't know but what I do know is that I'm going to spend the rest of my day on Stumbleupon and catching up on my blog reading, while listening to Mac Miller (it's been one of those days)
Happy Friday bitches!
7.27.2011
This week just keeps getting better
So I was totally going to post last night but I closed at the restaurant and by the time I got home, I was so freaking tired that I barely made it into my bed before my eyelids just stopped opening. I had forgotten how physically draining it was to work doubles at restaurant, on top of working another job three days a week. I just keep telling myself that I'm there to make money so that it will be easier for me to buy new living room furniture. I couldn't possibly have gone back there at a worse time because the end of the summer in Bethesda is a dead zone for restaurants. Since it's a pretty affluent area, most people/families go on vacation at the end of the summer before school starts again. That means that all the people that would normally come in don't because they're out of town. All the servers are complaining about not making money blah blah blah, they just don't know how to work the tables that they actually do get. I will hustle the shit out of my tables because I'm not there to make chump change on a dinner shift. That's exactly what I did last night, I hustled the shit out of all my tables and then once the manager started cutting people, I took the majority of the incoming tables until I physically couldn't take anymore.
Everyone that I have ever worked in a restaurant with will tell you not to get on my bad side and if it looks like I'm having a bad day, stay far away. I can be a raging cunt to the staff but schmooze the shit out of my tables. There are some customers that are just rude, no matter how nice you are; they're just unhappy people and want to take that shit out on everyone. There are these two women that come into the restaurant, they're twins. They live in the neighborhood up the street and when we see them walking down the block to come in, we all call "not it" because they are god awful people. I have, never in my life, met women like this. I don't even know how to describe them to paint an accurate picture. I waited on them and a few of their friends last summer for a girls night they were having at the restaurant. They yelled at me, they were blatantly rude to me and then they expected me to walk to the Giant around the corner because they wanted something that wasn't on the menu. You've got to be kidding me, right? They were dead serious and they expected the restaurant to pay for it. Three words: not happening bitches. Waiting on them was such a horrible experience that it reduced me to tears and I'm not a cryer. I was in the kitchen bawling because they were so horrific. Marco, the dishwasher, kept giving me napkins so that I could blow my nose and wipe my eyes; he kept saying soothing things to me in Spanish. At the time, I assumed that he was telling me to stop crying but looking back on it, he was probably saying some nasty shit because he's a dirty old man. Anyway, those women are the ones that send food back to the kitchen because it doesn't taste right, they send drinks back to the bar because they don't taste the way they think the damn things should. They're pushy, they're rude and they expect everyone to cater to them. I don't give a flying fuck who you are, I will not bend over backwards to accommodate you when you're not even going to leave me a 10% tip.
I walked out on the patio last night and low and behold, these two bitches are sitting in my section. I hadn't even greeted them and they were already bitching. My heart sank. I really wanted to kill the hostess for giving me that table and all I was thinking about was how I could phrase it just right so that one of the other servers would take the table instead. I decided to suck it up and wait on them. Their check was well over $100 and it was mostly alcohol. After the first round of drinks, I just kept the martinis coming because I knew they were going to be there all night and they were walking home afterwards. They kept telling me how on point I was and how personable I was. They clearly didn't remember me from before so I just rolled with it. These bitches fucking loved me last night. They said that I had given them the best service that they had ever had there, I couldn't help but smile at that one because they had told me, when I waited on them before, that I was the worst server they had ever seen. They asked me all sorts of questions about my life and what I was doing with it blah blah blah; I answered every single one with a smile on my face. I told them that I worked for the Red Cross and what I was doing there. The scarier of the twins offered me a job. I'm sorry, come again? You want me to apply for the position and you'll go to HR and specifically request that they hire me? The job pays 49K a year. That's more than what I'm making now. I want that job and I want to make it my bitch. But then, this big, unfriendly, neon sign popped into my head: SCHOOL! Damn you college, you are the bane of my existence. I told her that I would only be able to work three days a week and she said that that wouldn't work out because the job really is full-time. I would have been working in sales and PR; they were adamant about me having the personality for it. It sucks balls that I can't take the job but whatever. I'm just happy that they fucking like me now. And it really doesn't hurt that they left me a 50% tip.
It's nice that all the summer internships are winding down. I probably haven't mentioned this before but I'm the volunteer coordinator responsible for all the internships in our region (8 counties in MD & VA) and I'm also responsible for recruiting volunteers for Montgomery and PG County. We're going through a re-org again because National HQ is taking over some of our departments, cutting our funding and completely eliminating positions. The organization has been a very unhappy place because people aren't sure if their jobs are in jeopardy. That's completely understandable. If NHQ was taking over my department, I'd be worried as fuck too. But since we're an 80% volunteer organization, they're not touching the Volunteer Engagement side (which is my department). Thanks guys, it's nice to know that I can safely stay on the island. The job has kept me busy since January because people were looking for summer internships and all that good shit. That's how it just happened to fall into my lap. We kept getting internship requests and no one to filed them to so my boss voted me as the person in charge. She didn't give two shits about me not having a college degree, she just knew that I would own the shit out of it. And what did I do with the job, I made it my bitch. I, along with the heads of various departments, selected 9 fucking amazing interns that we really couldn't be more pleased with. We held a going away party for them today because some of them are leaving next week. I basically did the planning, the donation soliciting (because NHQ cut our budget so we didn't even have the money for it), the supplies gathering, the set-up and the clean-up alone. My boss was supposed to help me out with some of the execution but per the usual, she was nowhere in sight in my time of need. I'll keep my thoughts about her to myself, it's safer that way. Since it's been so hot lately, we decided that it would be a good idea to have an ice cream social. I think that today was the first time that all the interns had been in one room all at the same time. It was nice to sit back and watch them interact with each other. It made me realize that they think I'm a lot older than I really am just because of the way I carry myself and they way I interact with people at work. Hearing them and watching them, they reminded me a lot of the way I interact with my friends. It was really nice to see that they all got along and that they could fuck with each other like old friends. Of course, I had to give a speech because I was the one responsible for placing them. To my surprise, the head of my department also gave a little one. She was so pleased with all the interns and everything that they have done for us this summer but she's also heard great things from them about me. She said that they loved the fact that I was so easily accessible and that they knew they could turn to me should they have any problems. They also liked the fact that I was easy to talk to. I've never been responsible for an internship program before and I really didn't know how to go about it. It was a trial and error process and definitely a learning experience; I wouldn't have traded it for anything. I honestly cannot stress enough how amazing my interns are and it's experiences like that that make my job so worthwhile.
In other news, a very wonderful thing popped up on my Facebook newsfeed today. The Ravens are opening their training camp to fan next Saturday. I read the post while I was sitting in bumper to bumper traffic on my way home from work. I got so excited that I nearly rear-ended the car in front of me. I am totally in there like swimwear. I'm totally wearing my Ray Rice jersey because I'm cool like that. He probably won't even remember me from Memorial Day, his loss. Maybe I can get player autographs or pictures with them. None of my friends are Ravens fan so I don't really have anyone to go with. They're all Skins fans because they're stupid or they're Cowboys fans because they just don't know any better.
Is it the weekend yet? I really want to sleep in!
Everyone that I have ever worked in a restaurant with will tell you not to get on my bad side and if it looks like I'm having a bad day, stay far away. I can be a raging cunt to the staff but schmooze the shit out of my tables. There are some customers that are just rude, no matter how nice you are; they're just unhappy people and want to take that shit out on everyone. There are these two women that come into the restaurant, they're twins. They live in the neighborhood up the street and when we see them walking down the block to come in, we all call "not it" because they are god awful people. I have, never in my life, met women like this. I don't even know how to describe them to paint an accurate picture. I waited on them and a few of their friends last summer for a girls night they were having at the restaurant. They yelled at me, they were blatantly rude to me and then they expected me to walk to the Giant around the corner because they wanted something that wasn't on the menu. You've got to be kidding me, right? They were dead serious and they expected the restaurant to pay for it. Three words: not happening bitches. Waiting on them was such a horrible experience that it reduced me to tears and I'm not a cryer. I was in the kitchen bawling because they were so horrific. Marco, the dishwasher, kept giving me napkins so that I could blow my nose and wipe my eyes; he kept saying soothing things to me in Spanish. At the time, I assumed that he was telling me to stop crying but looking back on it, he was probably saying some nasty shit because he's a dirty old man. Anyway, those women are the ones that send food back to the kitchen because it doesn't taste right, they send drinks back to the bar because they don't taste the way they think the damn things should. They're pushy, they're rude and they expect everyone to cater to them. I don't give a flying fuck who you are, I will not bend over backwards to accommodate you when you're not even going to leave me a 10% tip.
I walked out on the patio last night and low and behold, these two bitches are sitting in my section. I hadn't even greeted them and they were already bitching. My heart sank. I really wanted to kill the hostess for giving me that table and all I was thinking about was how I could phrase it just right so that one of the other servers would take the table instead. I decided to suck it up and wait on them. Their check was well over $100 and it was mostly alcohol. After the first round of drinks, I just kept the martinis coming because I knew they were going to be there all night and they were walking home afterwards. They kept telling me how on point I was and how personable I was. They clearly didn't remember me from before so I just rolled with it. These bitches fucking loved me last night. They said that I had given them the best service that they had ever had there, I couldn't help but smile at that one because they had told me, when I waited on them before, that I was the worst server they had ever seen. They asked me all sorts of questions about my life and what I was doing with it blah blah blah; I answered every single one with a smile on my face. I told them that I worked for the Red Cross and what I was doing there. The scarier of the twins offered me a job. I'm sorry, come again? You want me to apply for the position and you'll go to HR and specifically request that they hire me? The job pays 49K a year. That's more than what I'm making now. I want that job and I want to make it my bitch. But then, this big, unfriendly, neon sign popped into my head: SCHOOL! Damn you college, you are the bane of my existence. I told her that I would only be able to work three days a week and she said that that wouldn't work out because the job really is full-time. I would have been working in sales and PR; they were adamant about me having the personality for it. It sucks balls that I can't take the job but whatever. I'm just happy that they fucking like me now. And it really doesn't hurt that they left me a 50% tip.
It's nice that all the summer internships are winding down. I probably haven't mentioned this before but I'm the volunteer coordinator responsible for all the internships in our region (8 counties in MD & VA) and I'm also responsible for recruiting volunteers for Montgomery and PG County. We're going through a re-org again because National HQ is taking over some of our departments, cutting our funding and completely eliminating positions. The organization has been a very unhappy place because people aren't sure if their jobs are in jeopardy. That's completely understandable. If NHQ was taking over my department, I'd be worried as fuck too. But since we're an 80% volunteer organization, they're not touching the Volunteer Engagement side (which is my department). Thanks guys, it's nice to know that I can safely stay on the island. The job has kept me busy since January because people were looking for summer internships and all that good shit. That's how it just happened to fall into my lap. We kept getting internship requests and no one to filed them to so my boss voted me as the person in charge. She didn't give two shits about me not having a college degree, she just knew that I would own the shit out of it. And what did I do with the job, I made it my bitch. I, along with the heads of various departments, selected 9 fucking amazing interns that we really couldn't be more pleased with. We held a going away party for them today because some of them are leaving next week. I basically did the planning, the donation soliciting (because NHQ cut our budget so we didn't even have the money for it), the supplies gathering, the set-up and the clean-up alone. My boss was supposed to help me out with some of the execution but per the usual, she was nowhere in sight in my time of need. I'll keep my thoughts about her to myself, it's safer that way. Since it's been so hot lately, we decided that it would be a good idea to have an ice cream social. I think that today was the first time that all the interns had been in one room all at the same time. It was nice to sit back and watch them interact with each other. It made me realize that they think I'm a lot older than I really am just because of the way I carry myself and they way I interact with people at work. Hearing them and watching them, they reminded me a lot of the way I interact with my friends. It was really nice to see that they all got along and that they could fuck with each other like old friends. Of course, I had to give a speech because I was the one responsible for placing them. To my surprise, the head of my department also gave a little one. She was so pleased with all the interns and everything that they have done for us this summer but she's also heard great things from them about me. She said that they loved the fact that I was so easily accessible and that they knew they could turn to me should they have any problems. They also liked the fact that I was easy to talk to. I've never been responsible for an internship program before and I really didn't know how to go about it. It was a trial and error process and definitely a learning experience; I wouldn't have traded it for anything. I honestly cannot stress enough how amazing my interns are and it's experiences like that that make my job so worthwhile.
In other news, a very wonderful thing popped up on my Facebook newsfeed today. The Ravens are opening their training camp to fan next Saturday. I read the post while I was sitting in bumper to bumper traffic on my way home from work. I got so excited that I nearly rear-ended the car in front of me. I am totally in there like swimwear. I'm totally wearing my Ray Rice jersey because I'm cool like that. He probably won't even remember me from Memorial Day, his loss. Maybe I can get player autographs or pictures with them. None of my friends are Ravens fan so I don't really have anyone to go with. They're all Skins fans because they're stupid or they're Cowboys fans because they just don't know any better.
Is it the weekend yet? I really want to sleep in!
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