See that guy with dreads, I call dibs.

That's how it all started. I met Dreads back in October or November at a bar in Bethesda. I was still dating the Corporal then so I couldn't really do anything about. This guy is super hard to miss, he's about 6'2 with dreadlocks that come down past his waist. He usually wears them up to avoid sitting on them or getting them caught in his fly (not even kidding). He was so cute and he was funny and I wanted him. My best friend knew that but because I couldn't do anything about the situation that I was in, she went after him. I wasn't pleased about it but there was nothing I could do.

A couple of months later, I ran into him Bethesda when I went to meet my BFF. They weren't hooking up anymore but they had stayed friends. He was still adorable so I gave him my number. We started hanging out shortly after that and we were inseparable. I felt bad and I was terrified of telling my best friend that I had been hooking up with him. In the years we've been friends, we've never been interested in the same guy so I was apprehensive to tell her. When I finally grew some balls and fessed up to her, she laughed at me. She had no interest in dating him, she had slept with him and it ended there. I was relieved, Dreads and I went about our business.

Things were great for awhile and then they slowly started to change. I guess the "honeymoon period" had worn off. The little things that he did, like breathing, really pissed me off. He drinks entirely too much and we would get into awful fights that left me in tears every time. He told me that his friends hated me, his parents (whom I've never met because they live in Michigan) hated me, I was a miserable person, I was just plain mean and that I should be so lucky if he decides to date me. I was upset, I was hurt but I was also slightly amused. For someone that doesn't want to date me, he acts entirely too much like a boyfriend. News flash Dreads: you can't have your cake and eat it too. He wanted to be so immersed in my life, be friends with my friends, know all my bartenders. After awhile, I stopped going out to Bethesda with him; I couldn't stand it. When I go out, I bounce around the bar and talk to different people; I have a short attention span and can't stand still for long periods of time. He would follow me around, talk to my friends like he knew them and it drove me crazy. When I date people, I don't let them in all at once. They slowly gain access to different parts of my life. He didn't understand that. That's when I stated pushing him away.

He's 31 years old and has been working at Starbucks since he was 16. He's never worked anywhere else and has no plans of ever working anywhere else. I wish I were kidding. He has no ambition and he acts like a child with no responsibilities. His house is disgusting, absolutely atrocious and pretty sure he's a borderline hoarder. He has two cats that he hasn't taken to the vet in years and they're both long overdue for a visit. He has no concept of privacy. If the bathroom door is shut, that's because I'm pissing. That doesn't mean open the door and stand there while I finish taking a leak and wiping my whooha. I don't think he knows what personal hygiene is; in all the times that I've spent the night at his house, I've never seen him brush his teeth. Every time I left his house, I would have to go home and disinfect my entire body because I felt so gross.

I should be so lucky if you decided to date me? Are you fucking kidding me? You're a disgusting person and the mere thought of you actually makes me recoil. You have no ambition, you're quite content to smoke weed, work at Starbucks and play with your cars for the rest of your life. I'm not sorry that I actually want to go places with mine. But yet, for some reason, I can't seem to grow enough balls to tell you to kick rocks. So really, I have no one to blame but myself for being in this situation.

Here's to hoping my balls drop again.

xoxo,
Me

It's Go Time, World

Ladies & Gentleman, I'm quite pleased to admit that I am back for good. Writing that post the other day, as short as it was, made me happy and took a load off. I missed blogging. Sometimes it's nice to find strength in the arms of strangers. Please bear with me over the next couple of weeks, I'm going to be revamping the blog a little bit. I don't even know where to start with that, i'll play around with things and then see what I like the most.

I'm currently camped out at Starbucks, in Barnes & Noble...my favorite place ever. There are some serious wackjobs out today.  I just dropped part of my muffin on my freaking keyboard. Seriously, wtf? Maybe that's a sign that I should stop talking about people (I wish that I could use Emoji faces so that you can see my facial expression). Sike, I'm never going to stop talking about people...that's boring as shit.

I turned 25 in June and I swear I'm starting to go thru a quarter-life crisis; it's awful. I feel restless and lazy at the same time. Is that even possible?! I'm not in school this semester because I keeping fucking up and they won't take me back. Newsflash Dean: it's a community college, not Harvard so get the sand out of your fucking vagina, shove a tampon up there and I'm sure that you and I will get along just fine. Just kidding, I will always dislike you. Since I'm not in school and I'm working part-time at both of my jobs, I need more things to do. I almost signed up for a Habitat for Humanity build in Madagascar the other day. I decided that it was a little extreme to take off running before I can really walk. I need to do a Habitat build around here before I go galavanting around the globe. I'm also fairly certain that my parents would not be thrilled if I did that. Maybe I should just sign up for the Peace Corps and be done with it. Anyway, yesterday, I went to a volunteer orientation for this non-profit called 826DC. It's basically an after-school tutoring program. I don't have tons of time to donate but I'm super interested in doing it! They have a Tuesday Night Tutoring program for high school students and they need language tutors in for French. That shit has my name all over it. The only problem is that I have a pass a DC public schools background check, having a DUI on your record fucks shit up. That would be the only reason as to why I wouldn't pass. I'm going to fill out the application tomorrow when I get to work. Wish me luck.

I used my phone GPS to get down to the 826DC office yesterday morning. The orientation was at 10 and the GPS said that it would take 40 minutes, I don't think it took into account that it was rushhour and I can't find my way out of a paper bag. I managed to make it there with plenty of time of time to spare and I didn't even get lost. I'm growing up guys! I also found a parking spot on the street right around the corner from the building. If you've ever driven into DC on a weekday morning, you know how hard it is to find street parking, let alone something close to where you need to go. Of course, something super bad was going to happen to me after all that good fortune. I sat in the car and talked to my mom for a little bit, put on my mascara, twiddled my thumbs...my car was on the whole time because it was hot and I didn't want to sweat. I finally got out of the car and started walking across the street. I turned around to lock the doors and saw some homeless guy pissing on my car. Really dude?!? I was just in the car and the car was running. I guess I caught him off guard because he pissed on his leg a little bit. I didn't even know what to say or do so I just walked away. It was way too early for those kinds of shenanigans.

I've been feeling super crafty lately, Pinterest might have something to do with that. Stupid website. I used to make jewelry with my mom watch my mom make jewelry when I was younger. She was crafty too. I've been making Google my bitch today, I just bookmarked a buttload of sites about DIY jewelry making. Bet $10 that I start to make a necklace, get bored and never finish it. Story of my life. But all jokes aside, I'm going to put studs on my Chucks. I was a pair on  Pinterest and I fell in love. I found a bunch of websites that tell you how to do it, it's not complicated and it doesn't take long so my gnat-like attention span should be able to handle it. Pinterest will be blamed for all the projects that I start and don't finish; that website also sucks up so much of my freaking time. They really need to have a jewelry category.

I'm going to stuff my face with a burrito now but thanks for reading.

xoxo,
Me

Is there something more that I should be doing?!

For the people that, at one point, faithfully read my blog, I'm so sorry that I've sucked at life for the past couple of months. I don't even have a good explanation as to why I stopped writing; just know that I missed the shit out of this blog and the response that I got to it. I can assure you that I'm back for good AND I have an iPhone with the Blogger app so I can blog from anywhere in the world!! (insert snarky remarks about my inability to blog when it's conveniently located on my phone, which might as well be my right hand)

My life is in shambles, per the usual shit that I get myself into. I have come to point where I have no clue what I'm doing with my life, I'm pretty sure I'm having a quarter-life crisis. Before I turned 25, I was quite content to meander through life not having a clue about what I was doing. Now, I'm getting restless and I feel like I should be doing something more. Meh. 

Things that have happened since my last post:

• I met a boy. At first he was great but now he really blows the shit out of me and I can't seem to man up enough to tell him to kick rocks. 
• I went to Ocean City for Memorial Day weekend and survived this 

Seacrets, Ocean City MD

• I got a birthday tattoo, a little present to myself for making it through 25 years without any major problems. It just happened that the tattoo was a gun, on the inside of my bicep because bitches love tickets to the gun show. Finally showed it to my mom, she started crying and told me that it was the equivalent of Mike Tyson's face tattoo and I would never get a real job. She tends to overreact, a lot.
• I've come to realize that it's time for me to distance myself from Bethesda and it's god-awful bar scene. That decision was made when I caught some girls talking shit about me in the bathroom. Mind you, I didn't know these girls from Adam & Eve. According to the lovely ladies, I was having an affair with the married GM of the bar we were in. I waited politely for them to finish snorting their drugs and come out of the handicap stall. I politely introduced myself and asked them to tell me more about my life. Obviously, I had no clue what was going on in my life because I didn't know that I was having an affair with the GM. I'm pretty sure they wanted to melt into the floor. I proceeded to give them a piece of my mind. My mother didn't raise me with questionable morals and there are lines that I refuse to cross because it's just not right (i.e. marriage & people with significant others). The Bethesda bar scene is the most incestuous place I have ever seen and even though everyone is over the age of 21, they all act like they're 16. It's time to venture out in search of a new environment where people can actually act their age. 
• I started going to the gym on a regular basis. Lately, people have been telling me that I look great and they ask me if I've lost weight. Thank you but I haven't lost weight, I just work out more and continue to eat like a horse. They're positive that I've lost weight. Tell me, was I fat before?!

That's all I've got for now but I promise to post way more often than I have been. 

xoxo, 

Me

A year ago...

A year ago today, I started my blog again and this was my first post...

It's been awhile and after much deliberation, I've decided that I'm back for good. I'm not quite sure what exactly I'm going to blog about but I'm sure I'll figure it out as I go.

In other news, today is Valentine's Day...or Singles' Awareness Day, depending on your situation. I will fully admit that I'm single and I love it (for the most part). There are some very rare moments of weakness where I wished that I had someone to cuddle with but we can't all get what we want. When I hear all the drama from my friends about their boyfriends/girlfriends, it really makes me wonder why some people would even bother. Do the pros really outweigh the cons when you're in such an unhappy relationship? Or is it that you are afraid to be alone so that's why you've allowed yourself to get stuck in a shitty situation? Either way, I'm happy that I'm single. I have the freedom to date who and when I want (provided that someone catches my attention). I have, however, decided that for the rest of the semester, I will be completely celibate and unattached. I'm going to run train on school and work. I will own them and make both of them my bitch because it's time that I finally do so. 

If you live in the DC metropolitan area and you went outside today, you're thanking your lucky stars that Mother Nature has come to her sense about this weather thing. 60 degrees and above from now on, thanks in advance. 

However you celebrate February 14th, I hope you do it well and have a wonderful day.

Sometimes, I really have no clue what I'm blogging about but at the end of the day, whatever I'm writing about makes sense to me. A year ago, I had such high hopes for my little blog, I wanted to be "known" for it. But given the sometimes mean things that I've written about people, I should keep this thing our little secret. In the past year, I've been stalked by a crazy Arab man that tried to bribe me into dating him with money and I'm fairly certain that he wanted to incorporate me into his harem. I feel bad for those women because he's one hairy man. In the past year, I spent time with (for lack of a better term) a guy that I refused to date because there were so many things wrong with him. In the past year, I've slept with a guy with one testicle and then proceeded to take a pregnancy test (not my finest moment, shit happens). In the past year, I've made new friends and lost old ones. In the past year, I've done my best to make everyone happy but that shit's tiring as fuck and I don't want to do it anymore. I've come to the conclusion that a year ago, I had completely unrealistic visions of myself and where I wanted to be in life and what I wanted to be doing. I can't pop out the womb and start running, that's craziness. You've gotta crawl before you ball.

I don't know if it's because it's Valentine's Day and love has been in the air lately but random people have been talking to me lately. Fingerbang came up to me the other day while we were at a bar and actually hugged me. I was so caught off guard that I just stood there with my arms at my sides. I didn't know what to do! Then she proceeded to have a conversation with me, I don't even know what this bitch was talking about. Heard through the grapevine that she wants to be friends again because she misses me. Things that are awkward: we weren't really friends to begin with. Lrog called me today and wanted to talk, talk as if we hadn't even stopped talking. WTF? I haven't talked to you in months and I legit have no clue what's going on in your life, what the hell do we talk about?!? Whatever. I told her I'd be out in Bethesda after my date tonight (yes, I have a date, on Valentine's Day...more details to come). I have to shower and get my life together for this dude and manage to not be late...things that probably won't happen: all of the above. I'm probably going to wear sweats. I keep that shit real classy!

On a serious note though, squeeze the people that you love the most a little harder today. When they ask why you did it, say "just because". Enjoy your day and eat all the chocolate that you can. I've got my fat kid stash of valentine's candy in the car, rush hour won't be as bad in the morning. 

Letter that you'll never read

Dear Corporal,

When I first met you, I wanted you. I loved your attitude, your personality and the fact that you smelled amazing didn't hurt either. You were dating someone at the time but when I met her at your birthday party, I didn't like her. At that point, I made it my mission to step in and take her place. Mission accomplished. I loved going out with you and your friends. More importantly, I grew to love your friends as if they were my own and we had known each other for years. We all did so much together and it became a given that when they asked you to come out and chill that I would be right there with you. Everywhere I went in Bethesda, I became known as "your girl". People that knew me from before you and I got together even started calling me that. We got so many compliments because people thought we made a great couple. That always made things a little awkward because we had never really had "the talk" about what we were doing and all that good shit. It was obvious to everyone around that we cared about each other. I came over to bring you medicine when you were sick and I sat with you for hours. I took your temperature, I gave you dayquil/nyquil, I went out in a thunderstorm  (huge thing because I had just got my hair straightened the day before) to get you food because KFC doesn't deliver. I brought you red bull while you were being all Scruff McGruff and taking a bite out of crime. I brought you starbucks because you were too lazy and hungover to drive over there and get it yourself. We had fun, we laughed, we joked, we cuddled, we had sex...we had pointless conversations and we quoted Family Guy. Then everything changed overnight.

Nine months and 8 weeks ago, you got a girl pregnant. You made sure to tell me first before I had heard it from anyone else. You said that you thought the baby was yours but you weren't sure. I knew you and I was positive that the baby was in fact yours. You took a paternity test after the baby was born, just to be sure but we all already knew the answer. Having found out this information, most girls would have gone sprinting in the opposite direction. I didn't...hindsight is 20/20. You asked me to be patient and see how the situation played out. Obviously, things as we knew them would never go back to being the same for anyone involved in the situation. I was happy for you and I wanted to meet your baby, you said that I could. That all changed when the baby mama realized that you and I were dating. She hated me, she resented me for the sheer fact that I was standing in the way of her and a happy relationship with the father of her child. Newsflash bitch: he doesn't want to be with you. I had absolutely nothing against her. In fact, I admired her for going through a pregnancy and then giving birth to YOUR child all by herself. That shit can't be easy for anyone to do.

Things changed between us. Your best friend told me that I wasn't making enough of an effort to show that I cared so I tried harder to hang out with you and all that good shit. I was the only one trying. I was the only one that was showing that I cared and that kills me because the easiest way to get me to pursue you is to ignore me. Nothing pisses me off more. After awhile, I just stopped asking you if you wanted to hang out with me and I just started hanging out with my boys again. When I walked in the door of your apartment last night, things didn't even feel right. We sat on the couch and watched Family Guy, we half-heartedly cuddled. We finally got in the bed and that entire situation just felt awkward. I was on one side of the bed and you were on the other. I was awakened at 4 in the morning with this uncontrollable urge to get dressed and leave your apartment, never to return again. I had to pace in your living room for a good 20 minutes before I could calm down and get back in the bed. The entire time, you were snoring your little heart out.

I really care about you and we had a lot of fun together but this whole "relationship" has been so one-sided with me being the only one that's making an effort. Don't think for a second that I'm mad at you for having a baby and wanting to be a part of his life. I have so much respect for you for that reason. What I don't appreciate is that I'm not allowed to meet your baby at all because his mother won't allow me to. You say that you care about me and that I'm important to you so I really don't understand why I cannot sit down with the mother of your child and have an adult conversation with her. I'd like to meet her and get to know her because I know that she's important to you and you care about her as well. I'm not allowed to basically be around you and the baby yet you can go to Hooters and meet all of our friends and play pass the baby?!?    That hurts me more that you'll ever know. The worst part is that I've communicated my feelings to you on numerous occasions and you've done nothing about it. I could never hold a candle to her because she's the mother of your child and you will always have a special relationship. Does she even know that?

I don't know why I stuck around for so long after the fact. I don't know what I was waiting for or if I was even waiting for anything but I do know that this isn't a fun game anymore. I wish you the best of luck and I don't doubt that you'll make an amazing father.

I know you'll never read this letter but I just had to get it out before I break down and start crying about it...that's not cute and it'll mess up my eye make-up. Priorities, duh.

I've failed you yet again

The minute I start to actually breathe again, things get crazy and I literally have not been able to catch a break. I've been getting about four hours of sleep every night and I'm dying. I cannot wait to take my final next week.
In the past four days, I've gone from having two jobs to having four jobs. My mother's not talking to me anymore, my dad doesn't seem to care about what's going on. Little Chief Swag won't stop texting and calling me, the Corporal tells me that at this stage in our "relationship", it's nice that I'm still on my best behavior.
What the fuck is going on here?!?! I want to high-five everyone in the face, with a chair. So this is the fuckery that is my life right now...I went out with some of the girls on saturday night. We really needed a night that was just us. We went to this new sports bar in Bethesda. Our friend HootersGirl bartends there. One of the girls that I was with, Bean, is a beer rep for a lot of the bars in the area. She knows a lot of the owners and managers as well. She knows how much I hate working at the restaurant that I currently work in so she told the owner of the sports bar that I needed a job. He said I was pretty and asked me to stand up so that he could check out "the whole package". True story. He liked me and told me to come in on Sunday to talk to him. I started on training on Tuesday. Before you guys freak out and think I'm working the corners, let me explain myself. The guy that owns this place used to manage a strip club downtown; he "inspects" the girls before he agrees to work with them. I didn't like it but I need a new job. The uniform is a tight referee type shirt and Under Armour boy shorts. I wear my Uggs and legwarmers too. I'm basically working at Hooters but not really. Since the owner used to manage a strip club, he brought some of the girls with him. I work with strippers. I want to hate them but they're so sweet. I've got the potential to make a fuck ton of money there so I'm going to wait it out and see how it goes. I told my dad, he wasn't pleased but he'll tolerate it because I'm an adult and I'm trying to make more money.
Given the uniform that I have to wear, I need to work out like a fiend to make up for the fact that I don't have flotation devises for boobs. While I was talking to the membership director, he told me not to work at the sports bar and to come work at the gym instead. He was serious. I took him up on the job offer but I won't quit at the sports bar because I like making money.
I'm fairly certain that my dad told my mom about the bar, I'm not stupid enough to tell her about some job like that. She called me this morning, crying. She asked me if I got a job there and I said yes. Then she went insane. She started yelling and screaming about how shameful it is to be working there, how I'm acting like a whore. She also said that I might as well be a prostitute. Really?!? I totally wasn't expecting that response. She probably won't talk to me for awhile. At this point, I'm so done with everything that I don't even care.
The Corporal has been awesome but he's starting to go crazy. What the hell is he talking about, me being on my best behavior?! Those are things that I do and ways that I react and treat the people that I care about. Yeah, he kinda gets special treatment but that's because we're sleeping together. He's a stupid fuck.
Seriously though, I don't know why Little Chief Swag keeps reaching out to me. I deleted his number from my phone because I didn't want to be tempted to drunk text him. When he first texted me a few days ago, I pretended like I didn't know who it was because I didn't have his number in my phone, he called me and was legitimately mad. He keeps texting me to see how I'm doing and to see if I want to hang out. I don't want to do that with him. It's weird how he just popped up but I'm over it.
I swear that in the next post I write, I'll make sense and have a much better attitude. I solemnly swear!
Sent via BlackBerry by AT&T

Things happen for a reason, right?!

Things are good and life is good. Things with the Corporeal are great so why is it that I can't get a certain person out of my mind? Every time I think about him, my heart beats a little faster and my palms get sweaty. It's not even like I would rather be with him or anything like that. I don't know what the hell it is. I found this little gem online and it all made sense...

Boys smell like an unidentifiable musk. Each one comes with his own unique fragrance and the second you come in contact with it, it’s locked into your memory forever. Because even though it’s hard to pinpoint exactly what it is, you’ll smell it for years to come. You’ll smell the boy who used to love you in the summertime at a grocery store when you’re 25 or maybe even 30, and it will stop you dead in your tracks, temporarily paralyzed by a memory. You feel like you don’t have a right to sniff that smell anymore so you make a beeline for the exit and get the hell away from it. You go home and drown yourself in your own perfume and try to erase its mark.

Last time I checked, I had no desire to actually be with him. I think that I just miss the way things were and all the things we used to do. As I wrote that sentence, I realized that we never actually did anything though. So basically, I miss not doing anything with him... does that even make sense? I don't even know what I'm saying but in my mind, it totally makes sense.

The other night, I had a dream that I was out with Little Chief Swag. We were walking down the street and holding hands, I was laughing at whatever stupid thing he said. It was so real, so familiar but then all of a sudden, his girlfriend showed up and I literally started to disappear into thin air. I woke up in bed next to the Corporal and for some reason, I wasn't expecting him to be there. It was almost as if I was half expecting Little Chief Swag to be there; it made no sense, considering I went to sleep in the Corporal's bed. I woke up in some guy's bed and I dreamed  about a completely different guy. WTF? There must have been something that triggered my memory and I didn't realize it until I was asleep. I think know I'm rambling, sorry.

I feel like the only reason I keep thinking about him is because his stupid little girlfriend keeps tagging him in pictures and they keep showing up in my newsfeed. She's not even pretty, I'm sure she's a stupid bitch. Yes, that is my jealousy talking and no, I don't care if it makes me sound childish. Perfect quotes for moments like these...

Things that are awkward...

Me. I've come to the conclusion that I really am socially awkward. I'm weird like that. At times, I'm totally fine and other times, I freak out when I have to talk to new people. I don't know why. I look at my friends and they're not awkward (not really). They're so much more outgoing and what not. They also all have siblings. I strongly think that that contributes to their personalities. I mean I have a brother and everything (mommy found him in a trashcan and thought he was cute so we kept him) but he was never really around when I was younger.  Fail.

I'm sorry that I've been the worst blogger ever lately. I don't even have a good reason/explanation. In all honesty though, every time I sit down to blog/stalk your blogs, something comes up. I just need to start turning off my phone and ignoring the world so that I can get shit done...or so that stupid people don't piss me off every five minutes.

It's such a blah day today. There are so many things that I need to do today but there just doesn't seem to be enough hours in the day to get everything done. Life Fail.

I cannot be more pleased that tomorrow is Friday. It's my friend's birthday tomorrow so he's having a dinner party and we're all supposed to bring food. For some reason, I volunteered to bring stuffing. I don't even know how to make that shit. Lord help us all the minute I turn on the oven. I'll keep you posted.

I am a horrible person

No seriously, I am. I have been sucking at life lately. I got my laptop back at some point last week, it might have been the week before...I honestly can't remember. The damn thing has been sitting on my kitchen table since I picked it up. I've been so busy/so tired that I let everything fall by the wayside. My apartment looks like Halloween/my entire closet/Tinkerbell exploded in it; it's ridiculous. I started cleaning it last night when I got home and there was literally glitter everywhere. My life is somewhat in shambles right now.

Thank you so much for all the blog love and comments that you left in my brief (and never to happen again) absence. I have so much blog stalking to catch up on; there aren't enough hours in the day!!

I got another tattoo. As soon as it finishes healing, I will post a picture for you.

The snow did not hinder my Halloween plans but I know that it did for some. Oddly enough, I was the designated driver all weekend. It was funny because I went out with some of the guys, one of whom happens to be a cop. He's hot, he let me play with his gun AND his taser. Both were made "Mackenzie-safe" (similar to child-proof) before I started prancing around his apartment with them. I have so much to tell you!


Shane, to answer your question...Mr. One Testicle really did only have one. Here's the link to that post so that you can read the whole thing. I will most likely not be seeing him again (on purpose) but I run into him randomly around Bethesda. Since given him my number, he has decided that I'm the perfect girl to drunk text at last call to get me to go home with him. Excuse me?! That's not happening, buddy. I texted him the next morning and told him to just delete my number from his phone if he was stupid enough to be that girl. That sucks because I actually liked him as a person. His loss.


I have to run because I've got to get to work. I do have a little glimpse of me in prime Halloween action. I'll upload the video asap so you can laugh as much as I did when I saw it.

LOVE YOU TONS!!!

Oops

My laptop may have completely died, I'm not sure. It won't turn on anymore, it won't charge...it's a disaster. I'm fairly certain that I have a bunch of viruses on it. That could be a direct result of me watching too much porn; sometimes, you just can't help it!! My little laptop that could is at the Geek Squad right now as they try to figure out the problem. I feel so naked without it, it's weird. Hopefully, it'll be done by Friday. As soon as I get it back, expect an amazing post about all my shenanigans. Until then, make me proud with all your tomfoolery!
Love you tons.
Sent via BlackBerry by AT&T

Tomfoolery at its finest

I would have written a post earlier but I literally did not have time. I had Friday off and because LRog had the day off as well, we decided that it was a good idea to spend the day together. We went to Arlington to pick up her paycheck from the gym and we had lunch at the Cheesecake Factory. That's when the drinking started. I was really hungry (per the usual) so I ordered pasta. If you've ever been to that restaurant, you know how big the portions are...I basically ordered enough food for 2 people. Fattie.
We decided that more drinks were in order so we came back to the area and went to Target. Shenanigans! We walked around the clothing section, trying on shit that we didn't need and we both walked out $50 poorer. That's not bad considering the damage that I normally do at Target. After we left there, we decided that it was time that we indulged in some happy hour action at 4 in the afternoon. We're cool like that, no big deal.
We went to our favorite neighborhood dive bar (also because we're cool like that) and it was so weird because we've never been there that early before. There were a bunch a old guys and their creepy "girlfriends". LRog and I sat at the bar and decided that we needed to call in some people to drink with us. She made some calls and the boys showed up. She knew that she needed to be up at 630 the next morning but at that point, she knew that we weren't going to make it home until morning.
We all left the bar and went to Bethesda to get food/more alcohol. We must have hit 3 or 4 bars, I wasn't really drinking because I knew that I had to drive home. We go to Tommy Joe's and I ran into Mr. One Testicle (there's a post about him from a few months ago). He put his arms around me from behind and gave me a kiss on the cheek. That caused some issues because the guys that we were with are all friends with his ex. They haven't been together in over a year AND she has a new boyfriend. What's the freaking problem?! He kinda got the message so he walked away. I was on my way to the bathroom and I saw him again. We made eye contact, it was so intense that it actually gave me tingles in my girlie parts! I went up to him and absolutely no words were exchanged before he kissed me; next thing I know we were making out in the middle of the bar. Oops. He kept trying to get me to go home with him but I refused because I had to take LRog home, I couldn't just leave her stranded at the bar.
We ended up leaving and going to another bar. There was a lot of drama because the guys that we were with wanted to know what my deal was with Mr. One Testicle blah blah blah. It's none of their business. LRog and I ended up calling it a night because it was 3AM. I like the guys that we were with, they were sweet and all that but I'm not down with them all up in my shit.
Why is it that there always has to be so much drama?! I think that's one of the reasons that I'm so iffy about dating or any of that. It might also have something to do with the fact that I'm picky. Sorry that I don't want to date a douchcanoe.
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Video blog #2: what's written on my forehead?!

I decided that I was too lazy to actually type a long post so I decided that a video blog would be a good idea.

Also, I started the October playlist of good shit. This one's a little different, it's heavy on the mellow tunes because it's just been that kind of week.

Here's the link so that you can check out Jodie Marsh's crazy abs. Seriously though, Google pictures of her...they're mildly entertaining.

Enjoy the video bitches!

Sometimes I have a big mouth

I went to Barnes & Noble with my mother last night. She had to buy books on web analytics, snoozefest. We're standing there in the computer book section, where they have all that boring shit, and something just happens to catch my eye while I was looking at the books. It was one of the Eureka moments where the light shines on the object. It was Blogging for Dummies. There were three or 4 other blogging books too so I just grabbed them all and sat down next to my mother. I started flipping through it and my mom kind of looked at the stack of books weird. I was so consumed with attempting to educate myself on the finer points of blogging that I didn't even realize my mistake. I was looking through the Dummies book for a section on video blogging and low and behold, they had an extensive one. I got excited. Mommy had already gone downstairs to the magazine section and told me to hurry up if I wanted her to buy me something.

Smart girl that I am, I grabbed the Dummies book and put all the others back because books for dummies are better than any others, duh. I was practically skipping down the stairs because I was so happy. I honestly never would have thought about getting a how to blog book, it never would have occurred to me. Anywho, she was engrossed in her Better Homes and Gardens so I sat down and started flipping through my book again. Once she was finally ready to go pay, she asked me what I was getting so I showed her. As soon as I did, I immediately regretted it. The look on her face said it all but she wanted to make her point loud & clear. "Mackenzie, do you know what blogging is? I'm not going to buy that book for you so that you can read all about how you can screw up your life on the internet and then never be able to erase it. Employers check all sorts of social media and blog sites to find stuff about potential applicants. With your attitude, I'm sure people will be hesitant to hire so please don't give them another reason to not hire you. And furthermore, I don't care whether or not you're bigger and faster than me. If I ever find out that you have a blog, I will put you over my knee and beat your ass with a studded belt."

Umm, oops. So I have to make sure that she never finds out about this blog because she will make good on her promise and I like my ass without bruises. I spent some time last night googling myself and the blog, nothing came up except for a newspaper article about my grandfather's funeral. Talk about opening a whole new can of worms; my parents lied to me about what happened when he died. Who does that?!? I was old enough to understand the concept of death. Seriously, wtf? And apparently, he died two years after I thought that he did. What was doing during those two years and why the hell do I not have any memory of them?!

Anywho, I will be purchasing that Dummies book. I will also be reading the vlogging chapter and I solemnly swear that I won't post another video blog until I'm a professional, thank you very much. You can thank me later.

I'm itching to get another tattoo or get a piercing. When it comes to putting holes in my body, I have to be careful about that because of work. I can't do my lip, eyebrow, nose, general face area. I can't get my belly button pierced because I'm not 16 anymore or on Spring Break in Daytona Beach (or wherever the kids go these days). Maybe I'll get another hole in my ear, the jury's still out on that one. I really want another tattoo, I want the final one, the one on the left side of my ribs. I promised that myself that I would only get it as my reward for being myself new living room furniture. I still haven't done that shit. I need a money tree or I just need to become Nancy Botwin, minus the affair with the President of Mexico.

I'm going to try and create another playlist in the next couple of days but in the meantime, I'm going to stalk the shit out of your blogs. Be kinda grateful that we're not friends on Facebook because I would stalk the shit out of your pictures, your wall, your life. Yeah, not weird at all.

Also, this weekend is the Taste of DC. If you're in the DC-metropolitan area, you should really check it out because it's a lot of fun. I will not be able to enjoy it as much because I've signed my soul over to the event all weekend; I will literally be working 12 hour shifts all weekend. I keep telling myself that working all event will keep me out of trouble; it doesn't sound as convincing as it should because trouble seems to just find me. But seriously, go to the event and give me (and the Red Cross) your money. It's for a good cause. Thanks in advance.


**If you guys google my blog and you actually find anything pertaining to me, please let me know so that Mommy Dearest doesn't beat my ass, literally. Thank you kindly.

Kids these days have lost their minds

I actually had a good post to write but I was totally distracted by these stupid bitches that walked in. I'm sitting at Starbucks, attempting to do my homework. See how well that's going for me?! So anyway these stupid bitches were obnoxious, "I'm in high school and I own the world" kid of obnoxious; they were the kind of obnoxious that makes me want to high five people in the face. 

So anyway, these little (I only use that word because I'm so mature and shit) girls were so loud that everyone pretty much stare at them. This one girl, Little Miss Hot Body, was talking about how she didn't have any money and her parents were being such assholes by not giving her any. She went on to say that her dad had given her $400 last month and yesterday he gave her $315 for the month. She was bitching and moaning like it was the end of the world. Newsflash: you could get a job, bitch. 

That brings me to my next point...are all kids like that now?! If so, what the hell is going in the world?!? I swear on all that is holy that my children will never be like that. They will get a job as soon as they are old enough to work. There will be no discussion about it. My parents didn't raise me to be a little freeloading bitch. Now don't get me wrong, my dad would give me money every now and then but I've had a job every single day since I turned 16. I don't need a job and at times when I've been so frustrated with whatever I was doing, my dad wouldn't hesitate to let me know that. That's all fine and dandy but my thing is that I don't want to have to justify to anyone how I spend my money. Had I ever quit working and just relied on Daddy for money, I would have had to check with him before I spent it. I don't like having to justify shit so I kept working. I also kept working because it gave me something to do and it allowed me to meet people, most of  them were stupid but sometimes, you gotta take the good with the bad. Anyway, I said all that to say that if these kids think that they're going to be able to coast through college and life after that then they're very wrong. Their cushy little bubble will pop the minute that they step foot on that college campus their freshmen year. The real world isn't going to baby them. Bitches like that are going in the burn book.

Anywho, I'm thinking that I should do a future post that's a letter to my future children. I'll show it to them once they leave for college. I always see parents with their kids now and I actually get a little jealous because they look so happy. I know that I have no reason to be jealous but I still can't help it. It's weird. 

Also, I made a new section at the top of my blog for quotes that make me happy. I'm kinda glad that today is Sunday. I know that it's Fall and we're in October but it got unseasonably cold really fast. It's currently 40 degrees outside. The other day it was 70 and I was wearing flip-flops. I wasn't ready for this cold weather just yet but it's a good thing that I always have my Uggs ready and waiting. We play the Jets tonight. If we win this game, we'll get a higher ranking in the AFC and we'll most likely be right behind the Bills. The Steelers are now irrelevant to me because they suck. 

You should listen to this song because it's awesome. It also doesn't hurt that this guy graduated magna cum laude from St. John's. Sexy and smart?! I'm going to have his babies. 

This could either be a stroke of laziness or just plain genuis

So I was just sitting here, catching up on my blog reading and I saw someone's video blog. I think that that's an amazing idea and I want to do. If I had a video blog, would you watch it? You should because I'm awesome. And if I actually did a video blog and you watched it, you would be able to see how truly, amazingly cool I am, duh. First order of business, learn howto use my webcam. I can it happening now, I'm going to take my laptop to the Geek Squad at Best Buy and I'm going to ask them to show me how to use it. They're probably going to think that I'm trying to have Skype sex with some dude. Not the case assholes! I'll let you know how that goes.

Once they show me how to use it, you guys should really get excited because I'm going to be posting video blogs!

Day 2 of not smoking...I'm still alive. I just had cold pizza and OJ for breakfast, now I want a cigarette. I never smoke in my apartment. On days when I stay in bed all day, I don't smoke because I always leave the pack in the car. That's non-lazy me looking out for lazy me, I've never craved a cigarette so badly that I will actually go out to my car and get one. That's just way too much work.

I'm glad that tomorrow is Friday but I'm not pleased that I have to work at the restaurant tonight. I'm lightly punching myself in the ovaries right now. As the time gets closer for me to clock in, the frequency and the intensity will increase.

It's a day for humping, confusion & me quitting smoking

So I'm confused and I would really appreciate your input on this. I was looking at my blog stats and traffic sources. I never really look at that shit and for some reason, I was very curious today. I will have you know that Christen's blog and Shane's blog are my top referring URLs and that makes me very happy. Thank you both for being awesome! There were some other URLs, I clicked on them but it said that there was an error and I had no idea why. I wasn't confused about that but I was, however, confused about this part...one of the referring links was some website that I've never heard of and I'm definitely not a member of, gothise.com. WTF is that shit, you ask? Well apparently it's a place for alternative people. Why is that site referring people to my blog? Don't get me wrong, I'll take the referrals but please help me understand this where this is coming from. Another point of confusion: this website is apparently also referring people to my blog. WTF? It's a clothing site based out of China. How the fuck is this happening?!? Either way, I'll take the referrals.

So who wants to find me another job? I am so freaking tired of working in that damn restaurant. I just about punch myself in the ovaries every time I have to go in for a shift.

Things I am willing to do:    

• yard work
• babysitting
• chauffeur
• assassin
• street walker

Things I'm not willing to do:

• wait tables
• wait tables
• work in a restaurant
• wait tables

So as you can see, I'm pretty flexible and open to any sorts of jobs that you guys may have for me! Even though it's not my main source of income, I can't quit the restaurant until I actually have another job. I've gotten into the swing of the whole two jobs and school thing so if I didn't find another job, I'd have way too much time on my hands and that always leads to bad things. Once I finally quit, talking shit about everyone that works there is fair game. I will have a legit fucking burn book and it's going to be hilarious. This time when I leave that place, there will be no going back to work there because I'm bored or I missed it. This time, I mean it when I say that I'm done. I'm quite tempted to not show up for work tomorrow just because. 

Anyway, I'm craving sushi real bad right now. It's kind of a sick obsession that I have. 

In really important news, I haven't had a cigarette since about 3:30PM yesterday. Sitting in traffic on my way home from work really sucked because I did't have any cigarettes. I finished the pack yesterday and I decided to just quit cold turkey. I've tried to do it before but something's always come up and I've made excuses about it not being a good time. I've decided that it's always a good time to quit smoking.

Wish me luck!

The saleswoman was a stupid twat & I nearly karate chopped a stranger in his throat

As previously stated, when I left work, I had some errands to run. My first stop was Blue Mercury. I could have very well gone to the mall but I really wasn't feeling all the traffic/stupid people getting there. For those of you that don't know, Blue Mercury is a cosmetics store that sells high end cosmetics, candles, fragrances and a whole bunch of other girly shit. Here's their website, should you get bored and want something to look at. My sole purpose for going there was to pick up some new perfume. I was at the mall last week with my mom and because I like to touch stuff, I went around spraying perfume on the little paper strips. This perfume that I fell in love with is called Sexy 9 (oddly enough). I kept the little scent strip and I've been orgasming over it ALL week. Today is pay day, so I figured that I would go buy it. You know that Marcy Playground song, "Sex & candy"? If not, you can listen to it here. The only reason that I brought it up is because the perfume smells so good that it might as well smell like sex and Chipotle. True story. Anyway, the women there work on commission so it would really behoove them to be nice, right? Apparently, this bitch thought she was too cool for school and that I wasn't worth her time. She should have just continued to sit her ugly, way-too-much-makeup-wearing ass behind the counter and I would have been just fine. Instead, she comes over to ask me if I needed help and said it with such a nasty tone that she might as well have said "what do you want?". Well you stupid little bitch, I want perfume. I already had the perfume in question in my hand. I was just going to get the small size because I change perfume and rotate the ones that I have so frequently. Sometimes, I just get sick of them all together. She tried to get me to buy the bigger bottle, the one that was 50 ml. I looked at the size of the smaller one and the bigger one; just out of curiosity, I wanted to know how much the bigger one was. She was nice enough (not!) to tell me that it was $98. Excuse me?!? Please keep in mind that the bigger bottle is essentially a normal size bottle of perfume.


This is how our conversation went after that:

Me: Let me get this straight. For $98, this bottle of perfume is going to do some Love Potion #9 type shit and make every guy that I come across fall madly in love with me. Correct?

Stupid bitch: looks at me like I'm crazy No.

Me: But it'll definitely make Willis McGahee, Ray Rice and Kevin Durant ask for my hand in marriage and then ask me to do the honor of having their babies, correct?

Stupid bitch: No, it won't do that either.

Me: as pleasantly as possible No, it isn't going to do that for me? Okie dokie. Well in that case, you can take that bottle and shove it up your ass.

The look on her face was priceless. Clearly, my mouth was firing off faster than my brain could react. Oops. She picked the wrong day to be a bitch to me. I bought the little bottle and made sure that that woman didn't get the sale. Stupid twat. Seriously though, this perfume smells delicious.

My next stop was Target. I've come to the conclusion that I really cannot go in there alone. Bad things always happen to my bank account when I do. With that being said, I went in there for toothpaste, mouthwash, shower gel, toilet paper and lint brushes. That's 5 items right there. I got all of those and then some. I used to have sock monkey slippers but I wore them all the time so consequently, they fell apart. So I ended up getting a new pair of slippers because they were cute and I had to have them. I was in the slippers/sock section and I saw the cutest knee high socks with polka dots and all that good shit. I threw about 5 different pairs in the cart...you can never have too many pairs of socks. I also saw some cute tie dye  undies that I absolutely needed to have because they're tie dye, duh! And then I got to the workout wear section, I actually paused there and I have no idea why. I don't workout and I have no need for workout clothes. My inner fake-me-out-workout-Barbie got the best of me and I saw a pair of athletic pants that I HAD to have. At that point, I had to pull myself away from the clothes and go to the checkout before I blew my entire paycheck on freaking shit that I absolutely do not need. I was standing in line and I saw some DVDs, I should have just looked away. Of course, I grabbed the one with the pink cover because I'm kinda girly sometimes. I didn't even look at the title; for all I knew, it could have been a Pink Panther movie. Luckily, when I started putting shit up on the conveyor belt, my sanity kicked back in and I looked at all the useless shit that I was about to purchase. Remove 50 billion pairs of adorable socks, super cute underwear and a purse that I managed to snag along the way, I spent $70ish on shit that I actually needed. Turns out the movie that I grabbed was Bridesmaid. Winning!!

I sat in bumper to bumper traffic on the way home but at least I had something to look forward to: beer, comfy new slippers, my flannel pjs and my couch. Not to mention the fattiest, greasiest Chinese food that I ordered for lunch and couldn't finish. The fact that I couldn't finish it might have something to do with the fact that I ordered sushi with it as well. What can I say? It's never too late to start packing on winter weight. I actually laughed as I typed that, me actually putting on weight is a very hard thing to do. 


When I pulled up in front of my building, I started stuffing my arms with shit because I refused to make a second trip out to the car, in the rain. God forbid! I was walking down the sidewalk to the front door and this creeper came up to me and asked if he could buy toilet paper off of me for $5. I was momentarily confused. There's a Spanish market around the corner that sells everything you could possibly need. Why are you talking to me right now?!?!? The guy wouldn't leave me alone and he followed me to the front door of the building. Seriously dude, fuck off!! I nearly karate chopped this fool in his throat with my free hand. He finally got the message and decided to crawl into a hole and die. That's probably not what he did but one can always hope.

I sincerely hope that each and every one of you has a better Friday than I did. Here's to hoping that tomorrow is a better day.

Sometimes, I just need a sign that says "Fuck off"

Today is totally one of those days, I am so not in the mood to deal with anything or anyone. In fact, today  is that day that I will pray for anyone that decides to cross me...it will not end well for them. I just keep humming the theme song from the Sopranos. If anyone has watched the beginning of any episode, they'd see Tony driving down the highway while the song is playing in the background. I don't want to kill anyone at all, I just pretty much want to be left alone.

So anyway, the previous post that I wrote, completely disregard it. Mr. Southern Sexypants is a stupid, old, lame lame man. He said that Philly was too far (two hours) for us to go for the day. He said that since he works so hard and is so busy that he just likes to chill on weekends. Look douchecanoe, I'm not asking you to run there. I'm asking you to ride shotgun in my car while we drive there. Womp womp. Yeah I get that you're a busy person and all that good shit but here's the deal: I work two jobs and I'm in school. Newsflash: I'm busy too. He basically had this holier than thou attitude about the whole situation so I broke it down for him. I definitely fired off some feisty texts because I could sense his attitude and I definitely wasn't feeling it. Trust and believe that I let him know real quick that he needed to back up the bus with his attitude. For some reason, he assumed that I was trying to be his girlfriend. When I read that text, I actually laughed out loud. I probably wouldn't know what a relationship looked like if it hit me in the face. Yes he is amazing and yes I would love to get to know him better but not once did I express interest in being his girlfriend. For the record, I expressed hypothetical interest in having his babies but that doesn't mean that I want him to stick around afterwards. Long story short, we go back and forth about this, that and the other; I told him to let me know when he wanted to hang out because I wasn't going to sit around and wait for his ass to pay attention to me. He asked me if I wanted to hang out last night, I promptly vetoed that because I called out of work (I've got an asthma attack, fever thing going on right now) and quite frankly, I didn't want to be bothered with other people.  He asked me if I was mad at him for not wanting to go to Philly blah blah blah. No I'm not mad at you, I just think that you gave me the lamest excuse ever. And you're essentially preventing me from eating delicious cheesesteaks at Geno's!

Anyway, Lrog and I are doing dinner and a movie tonight. That will inevitably turn into a boy bashing event because we're pretty much fed up with all of the ones that we have in our lives. We agreed that we wouldn't go out in Bethesda tonight and there would also be no boys allowed. There's a problem with that second condition though, boys tend to flock to us. I'm not even kidding. Separately, we do just fine but together it's insane. Neither of us is quite sure how or why it happens. Either way, Lrog is definitely my partner in crime and I love her from the bottom of my heart.

In other "screw everyone" news, I essentially broke up with my friend Bruno. Normally, I would have a blog name for him but at this point, I don't give two shits. I went to middle school with this kid and we've been friends for a long time. I love him to death, I really do but sometimes, he's just too much to handle. We had some friends in town, people that we had gone to middle school with so we decided to go out. Let me give you a little background information, we all speak French so we usually talk shit about people in French when we're out in public. I do it discreetly and make sure my body language doesn't convey complete disgust for whoever I'm talking about. Bruno, on the other hand, will say shit to people as they walk by and he says it so aggressively that they automatically know that he's talking about them. The last time we went out, it was so out of control that I had to keep apologizing for his behavior. We went to my favorite sushi place because they have a late night menu and I, of course, was starving. We almost had to go somewhere else because Bruno was a dickhead to the bouncer. REALLY?! Let's be serious for a minute...I can do bad all by myself and I would really appreciate it if you would keep your shit together in a place that I come to on a regular basis. He was so out of line and was heckling the people that were walking by that we almost got kicked out, before I even got my food. I was livid. I asked him on multiple occasions to just shut the fuck up but that seemed to be hard for him to do. Another thing that he does that's not okay is that he actually leaves bruises on my body. He likes to leave handprints and bite marks. If we were sleeping together, I'd be kinda whatever about it but he hasn't stuck his ween in me so that shit's just not alright. That night, I basically told him to fuck off and he thought that I was kidding and that we would be hanging out a few days later. Not the case. He finally hit me up on Facebook chat earlier and asked me what the hell my problem was. Excuse me?! He wanted to know why I was ignoring him, I told him that it had something to do with the fact that he was a stupid fuck. We argued about it for a little bit and he tired to blame his behavior on the alcohol. That excuse doesn't fly with me because I know you've been drinking since you were 14 and you're 22 now. You know what I say to that shit...

I told him to go fuck himself and he told me to have a nice life. That's how the cookie crumbles.

I'm glad it's Friday. Lrog bailed for tonight because she forgot that she has to be at work early in the morning. That means that I'm going to run my errands on my way home from work and then I'm going to go home, put on my flannel pjs, open a beer and curl up on the couch with my laptop and Breaking Dawn. Don't judge me.



Disclaimer: The worst thing anyone can ever do to me is come between me and food. If you value your life, don't do it.

Blame it on school...

I'm only taking ONE freaking class so school and work shouldn't be taking up all my time. I'm behind on my school work because I like to procrastinate a lot (i.e. this post). I have an exam tomorrow. I have had about month to read the 50 billion chapters that I needed to read in order to prepare for this stupid exam. Instead of being studious, I decide to dick around and do whatever it is that I was doing...I suspect that I was up to no good. I said all that to say that my procrastination in school has resulted in me not sharing all the juicy details of my life lately.

OMG!!! That mere sentence reminded that I met a boy and he is HOT, like I want to have his babies hot. We'll keep that a secret between us though, I wouldn't want him to find out that I said that because things might get a little awkward. Anyway, he's 5'8", light brown hair, built like a Greek freaking god AND he's from Tennessee. His southern drawl is so amazing that I nearly creamed myself when he said his name. We went out last weekend and I had a great time. We went to watch the Ravens vs. Titans game (dislike because we lost AND he's a Titans fan). We basically spent the day together. After the game, we went back to his place only because he had food cooking and we were both hungry. Normally, I would have laughed in his face when he suggested that we go back to his place but there was something about him that put me so at ease that I really didn't think twice about going.  He has a nice apartment, nicer than your typical bachelor pad. He made dinner and it was amazing. We sat there and talked and played with his dog. She kept coming up and putting her head in his lap and whining because she wanted attention. When I called her name so that she could come to me, she kinda just looked at me fucked up. He said that she's not used to other women in his life. I'm totally okay with that. I'm not trying to be his number one, his dog is his baby and I would never try and take her place. I'm also highly allergic to cats, dogs, horses, really hairy men. Oddly enough, I didn't have a sneezing, wheezing, coughing spaz session while I was there. That's a good sign. Long story short, I really want to see this guy again.

Maybe we'll go out this weekend, I haven't talked to him about it yet. Is it too much to go to Philly for the day for cheesesteaks on a second date? We both really like food so I don't see why it would be weird or too much to see if he wanted to go. I'd totally be okay with doing all the driving. We could make it a day thing and he could bring his dog. He has a good job, no kids, no record and he doesn't do drugs. You might laugh at this because for some people, those things are standard when it comes to guys. Not with me. My forehead seems to have a sign that only deadbeat guys can see. They love me; the more issues, the better and they seem to think that I will be their sugar mama. Not happening. 

But seriously though, is it too much to drive to Philly for cheesesteaks on our second date?!

This is why I don't actually date, it's confusing!

Do the crotch dance!

I actually had shit that I was going to post, good shit too. But then I saw this video and I got so distracted. I'm not quite sure what to make of this shit. Once you watch it, you'll understand what I'm talking about. 

The video's got cameos from Simon Rex, Wilmer Valderrama (so sexy) and Ron Jeremy. At first, I was confused as to whether or not it was a real video. WTF?!? They're definitely at Venice Beach though, that place is legit. If you haven't been, you should go because it's pretty sweet.

Anywho...

If you guys haven't seen the movie Columbiana, you really should only because Zoe Saldana is hot and the movie's awesome. I was standing in line to get the tickets with my friend Lrog last night and some guy behind us heard us talking about the movie, he told me I looked like Zoe Saldana. That's not the first time I've heard that either. Lrog tells me that a lot. I don't see it but I'll take it because she's hot as shit.

We were just supposed to do dinner and a movie. The night turned into a movie and shenanigans. Every time we go, it's always something different. I really should start blogging about our adventures because they're fucking hilarious. I don't know what it is about the two of us but we really are partners in crime. I'm going to have to discuss this with her to see what her thoughts are on "The Chronicles of Lrog and Mrog" and I'll get back to you.

In other news, it's currently 57 degrees in DC. That is cold as shit, not really though. I'm not physically built for winter, I just don't have enough meat on my bones. Either way, I've definitely been bundling up. I had to break out my Uggs today and people looked at me like I was insane while I was walking down the street. Keep in mind that these people were actually wearing coats. Stupid fucks.

You know what I'm doing with my Saturday night? Laundry and homework. I'm not lame at all. At least tomorrow's Sunday and I can watch football. I'm going to watch the game with this guy that I met last night. He's hot as shit and he's from TN (southern accent included). Seriously though, he's hot as shit. I'll let you know how it goes tomorrow.