For the people that, at one point, faithfully read my blog, I'm so sorry that I've sucked at life for the past couple of months. I don't even have a good explanation as to why I stopped writing; just know that I missed the shit out of this blog and the response that I got to it. I can assure you that I'm back for good AND I have an iPhone with the Blogger app so I can blog from anywhere in the world!! (insert snarky remarks about my inability to blog when it's conveniently located on my phone, which might as well be my right hand)
My life is in shambles, per the usual shit that I get myself into. I have come to point where I have no clue what I'm doing with my life, I'm pretty sure I'm having a quarter-life crisis. Before I turned 25, I was quite content to meander through life not having a clue about what I was doing. Now, I'm getting restless and I feel like I should be doing something more. Meh.
Things that have happened since my last post:
I met a boy. At first he was great but now he really blows the shit out of me and I can't seem to man up enough to tell him to kick rocks.
I went to Ocean City for Memorial Day weekend and survived this
Seacrets, Ocean City MD
I got a birthday tattoo, a little present to myself for making it through 25 years without any major problems. It just happened that the tattoo was a gun, on the inside of my bicep because bitches love tickets to the gun show. Finally showed it to my mom, she started crying and told me that it was the equivalent of Mike Tyson's face tattoo and I would never get a real job. She tends to overreact, a lot.
I've come to realize that it's time for me to distance myself from Bethesda and it's god-awful bar scene. That decision was made when I caught some girls talking shit about me in the bathroom. Mind you, I didn't know these girls from Adam & Eve. According to the lovely ladies, I was having an affair with the married GM of the bar we were in. I waited politely for them to finish snorting their drugs and come out of the handicap stall. I politely introduced myself and asked them to tell me more about my life. Obviously, I had no clue what was going on in my life because I didn't know that I was having an affair with the GM. I'm pretty sure they wanted to melt into the floor. I proceeded to give them a piece of my mind. My mother didn't raise me with questionable morals and there are lines that I refuse to cross because it's just not right (i.e. marriage & people with significant others). The Bethesda bar scene is the most incestuous place I have ever seen and even though everyone is over the age of 21, they all act like they're 16. It's time to venture out in search of a new environment where people can actually act their age.
I started going to the gym on a regular basis. Lately, people have been telling me that I look great and they ask me if I've lost weight. Thank you but I haven't lost weight, I just work out more and continue to eat like a horse. They're positive that I've lost weight. Tell me, was I fat before?!
That's all I've got for now but I promise to post way more often than I have been.
A year ago today, I started my blog again and this was my first post...
It's been awhile and after much deliberation, I've decided that I'm back for good. I'm not quite sure what exactly I'm going to blog about but I'm sure I'll figure it out as I go.
In other news, today is Valentine's Day...or Singles' Awareness Day, depending on your situation. I will fully admit that I'm single and I love it (for the most part). There are some very rare moments of weakness where I wished that I had someone to cuddle with but we can't all get what we want. When I hear all the drama from my friends about their boyfriends/girlfriends, it really makes me wonder why some people would even bother. Do the pros really outweigh the cons when you're in such an unhappy relationship? Or is it that you are afraid to be alone so that's why you've allowed yourself to get stuck in a shitty situation? Either way, I'm happy that I'm single. I have the freedom to date who and when I want (provided that someone catches my attention). I have, however, decided that for the rest of the semester, I will be completely celibate and unattached. I'm going to run train on school and work. I will own them and make both of them my bitch because it's time that I finally do so.
If you live in the DC metropolitan area and you went outside today, you're thanking your lucky stars that Mother Nature has come to her sense about this weather thing. 60 degrees and above from now on, thanks in advance.
However you celebrate February 14th, I hope you do it well and have a wonderful day.
Sometimes, I really have no clue what I'm blogging about but at the end of the day, whatever I'm writing about makes sense to me. A year ago, I had such high hopes for my little blog, I wanted to be "known" for it. But given the sometimes mean things that I've written about people, I should keep this thing our little secret. In the past year, I've been stalked by a crazy Arab man that tried to bribe me into dating him with money and I'm fairly certain that he wanted to incorporate me into his harem. I feel bad for those women because he's one hairy man. In the past year, I spent time with (for lack of a better term) a guy that I refused to date because there were so many things wrong with him. In the past year, I've slept with a guy with one testicle and then proceeded to take a pregnancy test (not my finest moment, shit happens). In the past year, I've made new friends and lost old ones. In the past year, I've done my best to make everyone happy but that shit's tiring as fuck and I don't want to do it anymore. I've come to the conclusion that a year ago, I had completely unrealistic visions of myself and where I wanted to be in life and what I wanted to be doing. I can't pop out the womb and start running, that's craziness. You've gotta crawl before you ball.
I don't know if it's because it's Valentine's Day and love has been in the air lately but random people have been talking to me lately. Fingerbang came up to me the other day while we were at a bar and actually hugged me. I was so caught off guard that I just stood there with my arms at my sides. I didn't know what to do! Then she proceeded to have a conversation with me, I don't even know what this bitch was talking about. Heard through the grapevine that she wants to be friends again because she misses me. Things that are awkward: we weren't really friends to begin with. Lrog called me today and wanted to talk, talk as if we hadn't even stopped talking. WTF? I haven't talked to you in months and I legit have no clue what's going on in your life, what the hell do we talk about?!? Whatever. I told her I'd be out in Bethesda after my date tonight (yes, I have a date, on Valentine's Day...more details to come). I have to shower and get my life together for this dude and manage to not be late...things that probably won't happen: all of the above. I'm probably going to wear sweats. I keep that shit real classy!
On a serious note though, squeeze the people that you love the most a little harder today. When they ask why you did it, say "just because". Enjoy your day and eat all the chocolate that you can. I've got my fat kid stash of valentine's candy in the car, rush hour won't be as bad in the morning.
That's the best title I could come up with and I'm sticking to it. It's 645 on a Friday night and I'm still in the office but this is honestly the quietest place where I can get stuff done. My blogging skills have been non-existent lately, I've been so busy with work and life that I legit barely have enough energy to make it past my living room and into my bedroom sometimes. I'd just like to point out that it's only the second week in February and I've already had enough drama to last me the next six months. You guys probably don't know this but Bethesda is a very small place. Everyone knows someone is some way, shape or form. People are usually known by first and last name because everyone's friends on Facebook. It's such a small town that it's "affectionately" known as Bethesda High School; you do something on a Friday night, you wake up Saturday morning and whatever you did the night before is being whispered in everyone's ears. It was only a matter of time before word got back me. Let's just clear this up, I'm not sleeping with Ali Baba. I dated his best friend, the Corporal. I'm not down with pulling an LRog move and sleeping with an entire group of friends. I am 24 years old, I'm quite capable of having a friendship with a guy and not sleep with him. And the rumors of me doing blow in the parking garage behind Relic? Totally not original. LRog, you're so silly to think that I don't remember that night from many years ago when I caught you doing the very thing you are accusing me of doing. If you're going to lie about me, at least be creative because your boring lies really don't do my personality any justice.
Ladies, thank you very much for continuing to spread rumors about me. I especially love when stupid people question me about whether or not the stories are true, as if I was urban legend. The mere fact that you're talking about me, whether good or bad, has put a little extra pep in my step. I would sincerely like to thank you for huddling in the corners of bars and talking about me, you are unknowingly giving me the run of the bar. If you're going to talk about me and spread lies about me, at least be creative and use your imagination. Your boring and recycled lies really don't do my personality any justice. Last but not least, thank you for letting me know that I'm still on your mind. That makes me smile. Just remember that sometimes, karma saves the best for last.
Anyway, I no longer work at The Box Bar & Grill, where the girls are sexy and the wings are sexier. That's their slogan, what does that even mean?! I don't want sexy wings, I want delicious wings. I'm not going to lie, I had so much fun working there but fun doesn't pay my bills. And I kinda like wearing clothes when I work. It's funny how now, I kinda miss wearing the Under Armor shorts. At least I kept mine. In other news, I work at a sushi restaurant now. I'm a server AND a bartender (cue the Jeffersons's theme song now). I'm doing big things now! As much as I hate working in the service industry, I've always wanted to be a bartender. I have amazing friends that didn't like me working at the Box so they took it upon themselves to find me another job. My boss, Mo, is actually someone I've known for a couple of years just from going to a certain hole in the wall bar. He would always go there with the bartender from Tommy Joe's, who coincidentally enough used to date LRog (that's how I met her). Anyway, Mo told me that he was going to start me off serving and then transition me to bar training as soon as he could. He was good on his word and I've been training with him for the past couple of shifts. It's literally been wearing me out because I've been working my day job and then some nights I've been going in for training after. By the time I get home, it's well passed last call and I'm exhausted. I have my first official bar shift next Saturday night. I think Mo is crazy for throwing me to the wolves like that, I don't think I'm ready but I'm going to do it and I'm going to run train on it.
I'm tempted to go out tonight but I didn't get home until 430 this morning (that's a story for another night). I have big girl things to do tomorrow like get my taxes done and go to the gym. Womp.
Things are good and life is good. Things with the Corporeal are great so why is it that I can't get a certain person out of my mind? Every time I think about him, my heart beats a little faster and my palms get sweaty. It's not even like I would rather be with him or anything like that. I don't know what the hell it is. I found this little gem online and it all made sense...
Boys smell like an
unidentifiable musk. Each one comes with his own unique fragrance and the second
you come in contact with it, it’s locked into your memory forever. Because even
though it’s hard to pinpoint exactly what it is, you’ll smell it for years to
come. You’ll smell the boy who used to love you in the summertime at a grocery
store when you’re 25 or maybe even 30, and it will stop you dead in your
tracks, temporarily paralyzed by a memory. You feel like you don’t have a right
to sniff that smell anymore so you make a beeline for the exit and get the hell
away from it. You go home and drown yourself in your own perfume and try to
erase its mark.
Last time I checked, I had no desire to actually be with him. I think that I just miss the way things were and all the things we used to do. As I wrote that sentence, I realized that we never actually did anything though. So basically, I miss not doing anything with him... does that even make sense? I don't even know what I'm saying but in my mind, it totally makes sense.
The other night, I had a dream that I was out with Little Chief Swag. We were walking down the street and holding hands, I was laughing at whatever stupid thing he said. It was so real, so familiar but then all of a sudden, his girlfriend showed up and I literally started to disappear into thin air. I woke up in bed next to the Corporal and for some reason, I wasn't expecting him to be there. It was almost as if I was half expecting Little Chief Swag to be there; it made no sense, considering I went to sleep in the Corporal's bed. I woke up in some guy's bed and I dreamed about a completely different guy. WTF? There must have been something that triggered my memory and I didn't realize it until I was asleep. I think know I'm rambling, sorry.
I feel like the only reason I keep thinking about him is because his stupid little girlfriend keeps tagging him in pictures and they keep showing up in my newsfeed. She's not even pretty, I'm sure she's a stupid bitch. Yes, that is my jealousy talking and no, I don't care if it makes me sound childish. Perfect quotes for moments like these...
As promised, I have an update about everything that's been going on in my life lately. In all honesty, I don't even know where to begin.
A couple of weeks ago, I was with LRog because we both had the day off so we made it a point of having all day shenanigans together. We went to Arlington to pick up her pay check from the gym and we had lunch; it was a nice, big kid, leisurely affair. We eventually came back to this side of the pond and went to Target. It's official: no matter who I go in there with, I always walk out with shit that I do not need. LRog and I were walking around the men's department because the clothes are so much comfier. I ended up buying a hoodie, a flannel button-down (I totally needed it) and some other useless shit. We left there and went to the bar, I don't even think that it was 5 o'clock yet. Nothing ever stops our party. Her friend, the Corporal, came to hang out with us. I knew who he was when she mentioned his name because I facebook stalk/investigate. Technically, I had done no wrong because he came up as one of the friends that Facebook suggested for me. Anyway, he shows up at the bar and he is hot as shit in person. He smells delicious (always a plus), he's funny, he's all around kind of amazing. He's only kind of amazing because I'm more amazing, duh. We get along really well and we agree on the same things but we always disagree reasonably (meaning that I don't want to punch him in the face for expressing a different opinion). We've been hanging out a lot lately. He was semi-dating this girl when I met him and everything that he told me about her were red flags that she was crazy. I finally got to meet her at his birthday party. Bitch was crazy as fuck, legitimately. He was already pretty much over the situation but a small part of him was hoping that it would work out. Then I showed up, wearing heels and a dress (that only happens on rare occasions) and he forgot all about that crazy bitch. Oops.
The Corporal and I hang out so much that when his boys invite him out, they assume that I'm going to come too. That's not the case; I want him to continue spending time with his boys, I'm not one of those girls that will take over his life because I want to spend all my time with him. I need my space. Can we just talk about how he took me to dinner at his parents house?! He took me to meet his parents on the same day that we slept together (oops on my part). Seriously though, he asked me and the way he said it, I really didn't have a choice in saying no. I was mildly freaking out in the car (silently of course) because I was thinking about the significance of what was about to happen. I was totally overreacting. I take people guys or girls to meet my mom all the time just because it's not unheard of for her to stop by my place randomly. I checked with LRog to make sure that I wasn't going crazy/looking too much into the situation...I was. He takes people to his parents house all the time, she's been there plenty of times. I was totally relieved when she told me that. Whatever. I'm having fun with him and that's all that matters right now.
I'm a girl and at times, I like bedazzlement. I happened to be at the mall one day and something sparkly caught my eye out of my peripheral. My legs started moving before I could even register what it was. I walked into Victoria's Secret and stood there in front of the most amazing sight ever: an entire wall of PINK football themed attire. I couldn't care less about the Redskins shit because they're not my team but there was a shit ton of of Ravens stuff. LRog and I were actually speechless at how beautiful everything was. I wanted to buy everything because it was all black and purple, sequined and amazing. I'm not made of money so I settled for half of the shit...not even kidding.
I honestly don't know of anything else that has happened in my life recently. I've been so busy with work lately that my brain is fried.
While most people are out and about on a Saturday night, I will be at home cleaning my room...finally.
No seriously, I am. I have been sucking at life lately. I got my laptop back at some point last week, it might have been the week before...I honestly can't remember. The damn thing has been sitting on my kitchen table since I picked it up. I've been so busy/so tired that I let everything fall by the wayside. My apartment looks like Halloween/my entire closet/Tinkerbell exploded in it; it's ridiculous. I started cleaning it last night when I got home and there was literally glitter everywhere. My life is somewhat in shambles right now.
Thank you so much for all the blog love and comments that you left in my brief (and never to happen again) absence. I have so much blog stalking to catch up on; there aren't enough hours in the day!!
I got another tattoo. As soon as it finishes healing, I will post a picture for you.
The snow did not hinder my Halloween plans but I know that it did for some. Oddly enough, I was the designated driver all weekend. It was funny because I went out with some of the guys, one of whom happens to be a cop. He's hot, he let me play with his gun AND his taser. Both were made "Mackenzie-safe" (similar to child-proof) before I started prancing around his apartment with them. I have so much to tell you!
Shane, to answer your question...Mr. One Testicle really did only have one. Here's the link to that post so that you can read the whole thing. I will most likely not be seeing him again (on purpose) but I run into him randomly around Bethesda. Since given him my number, he has decided that I'm the perfect girl to drunk text at last call to get me to go home with him. Excuse me?! That's not happening, buddy. I texted him the next morning and told him to just delete my number from his phone if he was stupid enough to be that girl. That sucks because I actually liked him as a person. His loss.
I have to run because I've got to get to work. I do have a little glimpse of me in prime Halloween action. I'll upload the video asap so you can laugh as much as I did when I saw it.
I would have written a post earlier but I literally did not have time. I had Friday off and because LRog had the day off as well, we decided that it was a good idea to spend the day together. We went to Arlington to pick up her paycheck from the gym and we had lunch at the Cheesecake Factory. That's when the drinking started. I was really hungry (per the usual) so I ordered pasta. If you've ever been to that restaurant, you know how big the portions are...I basically ordered enough food for 2 people. Fattie.
We decided that more drinks were in order so we came back to the area and went to Target. Shenanigans! We walked around the clothing section, trying on shit that we didn't need and we both walked out $50 poorer. That's not bad considering the damage that I normally do at Target. After we left there, we decided that it was time that we indulged in some happy hour action at 4 in the afternoon. We're cool like that, no big deal.
We went to our favorite neighborhood dive bar (also because we're cool like that) and it was so weird because we've never been there that early before. There were a bunch a old guys and their creepy "girlfriends". LRog and I sat at the bar and decided that we needed to call in some people to drink with us. She made some calls and the boys showed up. She knew that she needed to be up at 630 the next morning but at that point, she knew that we weren't going to make it home until morning.
We all left the bar and went to Bethesda to get food/more alcohol. We must have hit 3 or 4 bars, I wasn't really drinking because I knew that I had to drive home. We go to Tommy Joe's and I ran into Mr. One Testicle (there's a post about him from a few months ago). He put his arms around me from behind and gave me a kiss on the cheek. That caused some issues because the guys that we were with are all friends with his ex. They haven't been together in over a year AND she has a new boyfriend. What's the freaking problem?! He kinda got the message so he walked away. I was on my way to the bathroom and I saw him again. We made eye contact, it was so intense that it actually gave me tingles in my girlie parts! I went up to him and absolutely no words were exchanged before he kissed me; next thing I know we were making out in the middle of the bar. Oops. He kept trying to get me to go home with him but I refused because I had to take LRog home, I couldn't just leave her stranded at the bar.
We ended up leaving and going to another bar. There was a lot of drama because the guys that we were with wanted to know what my deal was with Mr. One Testicle blah blah blah. It's none of their business. LRog and I ended up calling it a night because it was 3AM. I like the guys that we were with, they were sweet and all that but I'm not down with them all up in my shit.
Why is it that there always has to be so much drama?! I think that's one of the reasons that I'm so iffy about dating or any of that. It might also have something to do with the fact that I'm picky. Sorry that I don't want to date a douchcanoe.
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I decided that I was too lazy to actually type a long post so I decided that a video blog would be a good idea.
Also, I started the October playlist of good shit. This one's a little different, it's heavy on the mellow tunes because it's just been that kind of week.
Here's the link so that you can check out Jodie Marsh's crazy abs. Seriously though, Google pictures of her...they're mildly entertaining.
I went to Barnes & Noble with my mother last night. She had to buy books on web analytics, snoozefest. We're standing there in the computer book section, where they have all that boring shit, and something just happens to catch my eye while I was looking at the books. It was one of the Eureka moments where the light shines on the object. It was Blogging for Dummies. There were three or 4 other blogging books too so I just grabbed them all and sat down next to my mother. I started flipping through it and my mom kind of looked at the stack of books weird. I was so consumed with attempting to educate myself on the finer points of blogging that I didn't even realize my mistake. I was looking through the Dummies book for a section on video blogging and low and behold, they had an extensive one. I got excited. Mommy had already gone downstairs to the magazine section and told me to hurry up if I wanted her to buy me something.
Smart girl that I am, I grabbed the Dummies book and put all the others back because books for dummies are better than any others, duh. I was practically skipping down the stairs because I was so happy. I honestly never would have thought about getting a how to blog book, it never would have occurred to me. Anywho, she was engrossed in her Better Homes and Gardens so I sat down and started flipping through my book again. Once she was finally ready to go pay, she asked me what I was getting so I showed her. As soon as I did, I immediately regretted it. The look on her face said it all but she wanted to make her point loud & clear. "Mackenzie, do you know what blogging is? I'm not going to buy that book for you so that you can read all about how you can screw up your life on the internet and then never be able to erase it. Employers check all sorts of social media and blog sites to find stuff about potential applicants. With your attitude, I'm sure people will be hesitant to hire so please don't give them another reason to not hire you. And furthermore, I don't care whether or not you're bigger and faster than me. If I ever find out that you have a blog, I will put you over my knee and beat your ass with a studded belt."
Umm, oops. So I have to make sure that she never finds out about this blog because she will make good on her promise and I like my ass without bruises. I spent some time last night googling myself and the blog, nothing came up except for a newspaper article about my grandfather's funeral. Talk about opening a whole new can of worms; my parents lied to me about what happened when he died. Who does that?!? I was old enough to understand the concept of death. Seriously, wtf? And apparently, he died two years after I thought that he did. What was doing during those two years and why the hell do I not have any memory of them?!
Anywho, I will be purchasing that Dummies book. I will also be reading the vlogging chapter and I solemnly swear that I won't post another video blog until I'm a professional, thank you very much. You can thank me later.
I'm itching to get another tattoo or get a piercing. When it comes to putting holes in my body, I have to be careful about that because of work. I can't do my lip, eyebrow, nose, general face area. I can't get my belly button pierced because I'm not 16 anymore or on Spring Break in Daytona Beach (or wherever the kids go these days). Maybe I'll get another hole in my ear, the jury's still out on that one. I really want another tattoo, I want the final one, the one on the left side of my ribs. I promised that myself that I would only get it as my reward for being myself new living room furniture. I still haven't done that shit. I need a money tree or I just need to become Nancy Botwin, minus the affair with the President of Mexico.
I'm going to try and create another playlist in the next couple of days but in the meantime, I'm going to stalk the shit out of your blogs. Be kinda grateful that we're not friends on Facebook because I would stalk the shit out of your pictures, your wall, your life. Yeah, not weird at all.
Also, this weekend is the Taste of DC. If you're in the DC-metropolitan area, you should really check it out because it's a lot of fun. I will not be able to enjoy it as much because I've signed my soul over to the event all weekend; I will literally be working 12 hour shifts all weekend. I keep telling myself that working all event will keep me out of trouble; it doesn't sound as convincing as it should because trouble seems to just find me. But seriously, go to the event and give me (and the Red Cross) your money. It's for a good cause. Thanks in advance.
**If you guys google my blog and you actually find anything pertaining to me, please let me know so that Mommy Dearest doesn't beat my ass, literally. Thank you kindly.
After much trial and error, I decided to post my first video blog. You have no idea how many takes I did before I settled on one that I thought was semi-acceptable. I think that I should really do a post with all the video bloopers and the posts where I just start cracking up because I said or did something funny. Seriously, don't judge me.
I decided that I like the sound of my own voice and as a result, the video cut me off. What I was saying before I was so rudely interrupted was that I need you Blogger friends to play matchmaker for me because clearly I can't find myself a man to save my life.
I hope you like the vlog and I promise that I will get better at it. If you have any suggestions, please let me know. I'm totally open to feedback.
Seriously though, can we just talk about how the Ravens are fucking killing it right now?!? Sunday funday never lets me down!
I actually had a good post to write but I was totally distracted by these stupid bitches that walked in. I'm sitting at Starbucks, attempting to do my homework. See how well that's going for me?! So anyway these stupid bitches were obnoxious, "I'm in high school and I own the world" kid of obnoxious; they were the kind of obnoxious that makes me want to high five people in the face.
So anyway, these little (I only use that word because I'm so mature and shit) girls were so loud that everyone pretty much stare at them. This one girl, Little Miss Hot Body, was talking about how she didn't have any money and her parents were being such assholes by not giving her any. She went on to say that her dad had given her $400 last month and yesterday he gave her $315 for the month. She was bitching and moaning like it was the end of the world. Newsflash: you could get a job, bitch.
That brings me to my next point...are all kids like that now?! If so, what the hell is going in the world?!? I swear on all that is holy that my children will never be like that. They will get a job as soon as they are old enough to work. There will be no discussion about it. My parents didn't raise me to be a little freeloading bitch. Now don't get me wrong, my dad would give me money every now and then but I've had a job every single day since I turned 16. I don't need a job and at times when I've been so frustrated with whatever I was doing, my dad wouldn't hesitate to let me know that. That's all fine and dandy but my thing is that I don't want to have to justify to anyone how I spend my money. Had I ever quit working and just relied on Daddy for money, I would have had to check with him before I spent it. I don't like having to justify shit so I kept working. I also kept working because it gave me something to do and it allowed me to meet people, most of them were stupid but sometimes, you gotta take the good with the bad. Anyway, I said all that to say that if these kids think that they're going to be able to coast through college and life after that then they're very wrong. Their cushy little bubble will pop the minute that they step foot on that college campus their freshmen year. The real world isn't going to baby them. Bitches like that are going in the burn book.
Anywho, I'm thinking that I should do a future post that's a letter to my future children. I'll show it to them once they leave for college. I always see parents with their kids now and I actually get a little jealous because they look so happy. I know that I have no reason to be jealous but I still can't help it. It's weird.
Also, I made a new section at the top of my blog for quotes that make me happy. I'm kinda glad that today is Sunday. I know that it's Fall and we're in October but it got unseasonably cold really fast. It's currently 40 degrees outside. The other day it was 70 and I was wearing flip-flops. I wasn't ready for this cold weather just yet but it's a good thing that I always have my Uggs ready and waiting. We play the Jets tonight. If we win this game, we'll get a higher ranking in the AFC and we'll most likely be right behind the Bills. The Steelers are now irrelevant to me because they suck.
You should listen to this song because it's awesome. It also doesn't hurt that this guy graduated magna cum laude from St. John's. Sexy and smart?! I'm going to have his babies.
Today is totally one of those days, I am so not in the mood to deal with anything or anyone. In fact, today is that day that I will pray for anyone that decides to cross me...it will not end well for them. I just keep humming the theme song from the Sopranos. If anyone has watched the beginning of any episode, they'd see Tony driving down the highway while the song is playing in the background. I don't want to kill anyone at all, I just pretty much want to be left alone.
So anyway, the previous post that I wrote, completely disregard it. Mr. Southern Sexypants is a stupid, old, lame lame man. He said that Philly was too far (two hours) for us to go for the day. He said that since he works so hard and is so busy that he just likes to chill on weekends. Look douchecanoe, I'm not asking you to run there. I'm asking you to ride shotgun in my car while we drive there. Womp womp. Yeah I get that you're a busy person and all that good shit but here's the deal: I work two jobs and I'm in school. Newsflash: I'm busy too. He basically had this holier than thou attitude about the whole situation so I broke it down for him. I definitely fired off some feisty texts because I could sense his attitude and I definitely wasn't feeling it. Trust and believe that I let him know real quick that he needed to back up the bus with his attitude. For some reason, he assumed that I was trying to be his girlfriend. When I read that text, I actually laughed out loud. I probably wouldn't know what a relationship looked like if it hit me in the face. Yes he is amazing and yes I would love to get to know him better but not once did I express interest in being his girlfriend. For the record, I expressed hypothetical interest in having his babies but that doesn't mean that I want him to stick around afterwards. Long story short, we go back and forth about this, that and the other; I told him to let me know when he wanted to hang out because I wasn't going to sit around and wait for his ass to pay attention to me. He asked me if I wanted to hang out last night, I promptly vetoed that because I called out of work (I've got an asthma attack, fever thing going on right now) and quite frankly, I didn't want to be bothered with other people. He asked me if I was mad at him for not wanting to go to Philly blah blah blah. No I'm not mad at you, I just think that you gave me the lamest excuse ever. And you're essentially preventing me from eating delicious cheesesteaks at Geno's!
Anyway, Lrog and I are doing dinner and a movie tonight. That will inevitably turn into a boy bashing event because we're pretty much fed up with all of the ones that we have in our lives. We agreed that we wouldn't go out in Bethesda tonight and there would also be no boys allowed. There's a problem with that second condition though, boys tend to flock to us. I'm not even kidding. Separately, we do just fine but together it's insane. Neither of us is quite sure how or why it happens. Either way, Lrog is definitely my partner in crime and I love her from the bottom of my heart.
In other "screw everyone" news, I essentially broke up with my friend Bruno. Normally, I would have a blog name for him but at this point, I don't give two shits. I went to middle school with this kid and we've been friends for a long time. I love him to death, I really do but sometimes, he's just too much to handle. We had some friends in town, people that we had gone to middle school with so we decided to go out. Let me give you a little background information, we all speak French so we usually talk shit about people in French when we're out in public. I do it discreetly and make sure my body language doesn't convey complete disgust for whoever I'm talking about. Bruno, on the other hand, will say shit to people as they walk by and he says it so aggressively that they automatically know that he's talking about them. The last time we went out, it was so out of control that I had to keep apologizing for his behavior. We went to my favorite sushi place because they have a late night menu and I, of course, was starving. We almost had to go somewhere else because Bruno was a dickhead to the bouncer. REALLY?! Let's be serious for a minute...I can do bad all by myself and I would really appreciate it if you would keep your shit together in a place that I come to on a regular basis. He was so out of line and was heckling the people that were walking by that we almost got kicked out, before I even got my food. I was livid. I asked him on multiple occasions to just shut the fuck up but that seemed to be hard for him to do. Another thing that he does that's not okay is that he actually leaves bruises on my body. He likes to leave handprints and bite marks. If we were sleeping together, I'd be kinda whatever about it but he hasn't stuck his ween in me so that shit's just not alright. That night, I basically told him to fuck off and he thought that I was kidding and that we would be hanging out a few days later. Not the case. He finally hit me up on Facebook chat earlier and asked me what the hell my problem was. Excuse me?! He wanted to know why I was ignoring him, I told him that it had something to do with the fact that he was a stupid fuck. We argued about it for a little bit and he tired to blame his behavior on the alcohol. That excuse doesn't fly with me because I know you've been drinking since you were 14 and you're 22 now. You know what I say to that shit...
I told him to go fuck himself and he told me to have a nice life. That's how the cookie crumbles.
I'm glad it's Friday. Lrog bailed for tonight because she forgot that she has to be at work early in the morning. That means that I'm going to run my errands on my way home from work and then I'm going to go home, put on my flannel pjs, open a beer and curl up on the couch with my laptop and Breaking Dawn. Don't judge me.
Disclaimer: The worst thing anyone can ever do to me is come between me and food. If you value your life, don't do it.
I actually had shit that I was going to post, good shit too. But then I saw this video and I got so distracted. I'm not quite sure what to make of this shit. Once you watch it, you'll understand what I'm talking about.
The video's got cameos from Simon Rex, Wilmer Valderrama (so sexy) and Ron Jeremy. At first, I was confused as to whether or not it was a real video. WTF?!? They're definitely at Venice Beach though, that place is legit. If you haven't been, you should go because it's pretty sweet.
Anywho...
If you guys haven't seen the movie Columbiana, you really should only because Zoe Saldana is hot and the movie's awesome. I was standing in line to get the tickets with my friend Lrog last night and some guy behind us heard us talking about the movie, he told me I looked like Zoe Saldana. That's not the first time I've heard that either. Lrog tells me that a lot. I don't see it but I'll take it because she's hot as shit.
We were just supposed to do dinner and a movie. The night turned into a movie and shenanigans. Every time we go, it's always something different. I really should start blogging about our adventures because they're fucking hilarious. I don't know what it is about the two of us but we really are partners in crime. I'm going to have to discuss this with her to see what her thoughts are on "The Chronicles of Lrog and Mrog" and I'll get back to you.
In other news, it's currently 57 degrees in DC. That is cold as shit, not really though. I'm not physically built for winter, I just don't have enough meat on my bones. Either way, I've definitely been bundling up. I had to break out my Uggs today and people looked at me like I was insane while I was walking down the street. Keep in mind that these people were actually wearing coats. Stupid fucks.
You know what I'm doing with my Saturday night? Laundry and homework. I'm not lame at all. At least tomorrow's Sunday and I can watch football. I'm going to watch the game with this guy that I met last night. He's hot as shit and he's from TN (southern accent included). Seriously though, he's hot as shit. I'll let you know how it goes tomorrow.
When my dad starts drinking, he starts saying some of the funniest, most random, awkward and inappropriate shit. Most of these things were said during a 48 hours period. When he drinks, he reminds me a lot of Ice Cube's dad in all the Friday movies.
People don't learn swag. Either they're born with it or they aren't. I was nice enough to pass it on to you when you were born. You can thank me later.
Daddy: Kiddo, do you love me?
Me: confused Of course I do, you're the best dad a girl could ask for.
Daddy: Then why is my wine glass still empty?!
Between your mother and my current wife, I think I like you the best. Sometimes, I'm still not sure.
Daddy: Mackenzie, I love you.
Me: What do you want?
Daddy: Nothing, I just wanted to make sure that you knew that I loved you.
Me: I know Dad, but you tend to only say it that way when you want something.
Daddy: Well now that we're on the subject, go make me a sandwich.
Me: Seriously?
Daddy: Yes seriously. Why are you still sitting here? Go to the store and buy shit so that you can make me a sandwich.
Me: Dude, the waitress wants to know if you want another drink.
Daddy: Shh, they're about to score.
Me: I know, I see that but she's standing here and she wants to know about five minutes ago.
Daddy: blatantly checking the waitress out Honey, you can bring me whatever you want.
Waitress: trying not to laugh in his face Sure thing sir, I'll be right back with another round.
Me: Seriously dad, can you at least wait until she's not looking at you to check her out?
Daddy: Why? She should take it as a compliment. I mean shit, I'm good-looking for an old guy.
Me: That's only because you got your looks and your cool factor from me.
Daddy: laughing I don't think so. I was there when you were born. You were wrinkly and you were funny looking. You grew out of it a little bit but you've still got a ways to go.
One of the players for the 49ers intercepted the ball from the opposing team and ran it back for a touchdown. It was legit because he ran across half the field and nobody could touch him. When my dad saw it, he started shouting at the TV...
Daddy: Go boy, go! Run like the cops are chasing you! It got real quiet in the bar because everyone turned to look at him. I was laughing so hard that beer shot out of my nose.
Me: Dad, what the hell is wrong with you?
Daddy: What? Why is everyone looking at me like that? The boy is black, it's not like he's never run from the cops before.
Daddy: Mackenzie, you see that ugly girl over there? She's got a big old phattie and she is working that dress.
Me: She's really not attractive at all.
Daddy: That ain't nothing that a bag won't fix.
Me: You are not alright.
This post would have come sooner but I legitimately didn't have time for it, actually doing shit wears me out! Thursday was my mom's birthday, she swears that it was her 45th. Lies. Add about ten years and you'll have her correct age but to humor her, I keep wishing her a happy 50th every year. Anyway, being the nice daughter that I am, I bought her tickets to tour Fallingwater. If you don't know what that is, feel free to educate yourself here. I think that it is, by far, one of my favorite Frank Lloyd Wright homes. It's absolutely stunning. Our tour appointment was at 8:30AM (ungodly hour) and we left my place at 4:30AM (an even ungodlier hour) because we didn't want to get stuck in traffic or get lost. We didn't get stuck in traffic but we did get lost. Mommy blames it on the incredibly dense fog but I blame it on her inability to read a ginormous street sign. Seriously though, the fog was so dense and so low that we couldn't even see the brake lights on the car in front of us. Mapquest decided to play a sick joke on us and take us through the backwoods of PA. Kid you not, we were driving on two lane, rollercoaster like roads; there were cornfields on one side and cows and horse on the other. I was totally okay with that because I like to get down with nature. But then, I happen to notice lovely Confederate flags everywhere. My mom instinctively locks the car doors and we both check our phones...of course, we had no service. The dramatic person that I am, I immediately start ranting about how the car is going to die and backwoods, inbred rednecks are going to sniff us out. They're going to come find us and then they're going do horrible things to us AND make us squeal like pigs. I've seen Deliverance and everything that happened in that movie happens in real life, duh!
Anyway, we make it out of the Confederacy alive and we get to Ohiopyle, PA. Cutest little place I have ever seen. I really need to go back there for a weekend with a friend (preferably a boy) and shack up in a cabin and do nothing, or something depending on how you look out it. Anyway, we finally make it to Fallingwater unharmed. Smart girl that I am, I had forgotten to charge my camera the night before so it died halfway through the tour. Idiot. I did take some sweet pictures with my phone though. I really took the most random pictures ever.
We got back from PA a lot earlier than we thought that we would so I decided that we were going to the gun range because I wanted to learn about the classes that they offered. I'm really glad that Mommy went with me because it was really intimidating and had I been alone, I probably would have just walked out. She was not happy to be there at all because she thinks that I have anger issues and that as soon as I learn how to shoot a gun, I'm going to go out and buy one and start shooting everyone that pissed me off. We actually had a serious conversation about it that resulted in me getting really pissed off. She actually thinks that I would physically harm someone. REALLY?!? If that's the case mother dear, then you should reevaluate your parenting skills. I would never, in my life, actually physically harm someone. I don't have the time nor do I have the patience for it and oh by the way, I was taught that hurting others is wrong. That whole conversation with her thoroughly annoyed me.
Moving on. On Sunday, I spent some much needed girl time with my friend Chelsea. We had sushi and we went to see Our Idiot Brother. It was pretty good. I'm so glad that we had girl time because we really needed to vent and get things off our chest. She's so cute, I love her.
Today, I was supposed to go to the beach with my friend Bruno and his friend Philippe. That didn't quite work out because the weather wasn't looking so hot. Instead we decided that crabs were a better idea. Since Philippe had never been to Annapolis, we decided to go there to stuff our faces. I'm from Maryland so I'll crush the shit out of some crabs but today I wasn't quite feeling all the work . We settled for a dozen crabs, shrimp and a shit ton of fried because we're cool like that. After we stuffed our faces, we decided that going to Ikea was a good idea. Seriously, best idea ever. I love that store but I hate it when I go in there and don't have the money to buy everything that I need. I saw that couch and all the furniture that I want for my apartment. I needed to go and see that shit, now I'm totally motivated to get back on that track. After we left Ikea, we went to Coldstone because we're fatties like that. I pay no attention to college sports so I had no idea why the traffic was so bad in College Park. Turns out that University of Miami was playing UMD and that's why traffic was so bad on Route 1. Damn football.
By the time I got home and sat down on the couch, my exhaustion finally settled in. Tomorrow, I promise a picture post with all the good shit I took at Fallingwater. Until then, I'm going to catch up on my sleep.
I've been dreading this day since finals last semester. Yesterday was the first day of Fall classes but today, my friends, I start class. I honestly wish that you could have seen my face when I woke this morning. I had barely gotten out of bed and the day was already off to a shitty start. I don't think that I've ever mentioned this but I loathe, abhor, despise school with a flaming fiery passion. It is the bane of my existence. Keep in mind that I don't go to a fancy schmancy university like Georgetown. No no, I go to a community college because I was too lazy to get my act together and fill out college applications my senior year (they're all still sitting in a shoe box, unopened). I had no desire to go to college right after high school, I wanted to backpack around the country, alone, at 18 years old. True story. I wanted to be like Jack Kerouac, without a car. When I told my parents that, they laughed in my face. At the time, I was furious with them for not letting me do it but looking back on it, they were totally justified (I just admitted that they were right and for that reason alone, I will never let them read this blog). I was just barely 18 and I wanted to backpack around the country. Seriously?!? Anyway, half way through my senior year, Newsweek came out with an article about students taking a gap year between high school and college. The reasoning was that most people that young weren't quite ready for the responsibility that comes with moving out of their parents' house and essentially being on their own for the first time blah blah blah. I shit myself when I saw the article. I wrote my parents a 50 page email, only because I knew they wouldn't sit still long enough to let me say what I had to say and listen without laughing. When my dad read the email, he was incredibly proud of me because it was so well written and documented. I backed up every argument and fact. I wish that I still had it somewhere because I was actually really proud of it as well. Long story short, they made me sign up for classes at the community college around the corner...no gap year for Mackenzie. In hindsight, had I taken one, I probably never would have signed up for classes after that. Whatever. My academic career has been nothing less that absolutely horrible. I have been on academic restriction or probation since Spring of 2007. When I went through my transcripts, I was actually ashamed of myself for fucking up so damn bad. I'm a smart girl, I really am but sometimes, I do the stupidest fucking shit ever. I made my bed and now I need to lay in it.
A little relevant background info...my mom graduated from high school in Paris (because she was fancy, duh) so when I was old enough to start pre-school, my parents put me in the French school in Manhattan, where i was born. The one thing that my parents never argued about or disagreed on was the fact that I would be bilingual. Honestly, I am so incredibly grateful of the fact that I speak French and I wouldn't trade that for anything in the world. When things weren't working out with the parentals, my mom and I moved to MD when I was three. I, of course, was too young to take the transfer test so they just transferred me to the Lycee (fancy name for the French school) in Bethesda. I stayed there until the end of my freshman year and then I was politely asked to leave before they expelled me...oops. I figured that it was no big deal, I would just transfer to a public school, which is what I always wanted. I also figured that it couldn't be worse than the Lycee, also known as Stepford depending on who you ask. I have a big personality and I like doing what I want to do when I want to do it. I refuse to be put in a box. In fact, I just don't fix in a box and the only label that fits me is Mackenzie. The school wanted me to conform and that shit just wasn't fucking happening so I started acting out. That's when I became a huge issue for them and they just wanted to get rid of me. They essentially bribed me into leaving quietly by not putting an expulsion on my record. Going from the Lycee to a kinda ghetto public school was the biggest culture shock of my life, I felt like I needed a fucking passport to go to school. I hated it so much that I went home and cried every day for a good two months. I had made my bed and I needed to lay it. I changed schools at the beginning of my sophomore year so I was definitely the new girl. Everybody had grown up together and they were so close knit that I didn't have a chance at being friends with them. It wasn't until the second semester of that year that I made friends with some of the coolest guys I know, we're still friends to this day. I was put in Spanish 2 first, I walked into the classroom and sat down. I walked out 10 minutes into the class because bitch was teaching the students remedial fucking Spanish and she was making mistakes that no one caught but me. I went to the guidance counselor and he switched me into Spanish 3. It just so happened that that was the class with all the football players; most girls would have creamed themselves but I was terrified because they were big as shit. I walked into the classroom and I might as well have been a gazelle, completely unprotected in the Serengeti just based on the way the guys were looking at me. The teacher handed me a 30 page packet that we were supposed to work on for the next two days, I finished it in 10 minutes. I gave it back to her and from that point on, she hated me. The entire packet was correct. She emailed my counselor and told him that I would be her TA instead of an actual student; she made me work with the football players because they were struggling with life. They were all hitting on me and kept trying to get me to come to parties with them. Sorry, I think I'll pass because I'm not about to let you run train on me. We all became such good friends to the point where I would come home from work and some of them would be sitting on the couch hanging out with my mom. The worst part was that she cooked for them!!! She never did that shit for me but she sure as hell did it for them. Her reasoning was that they were active growing boys and they needed food. REALLY?!?! To this day some of them ask me if they can go to her house so that she can cook for them. No fuckfaces, she's not cooking for you anymore. Anyway, we all became really close and that made the girls at school HATE me. That was fine with me because I hated them too, they were all stupid fucking bitches. They made my last three years of high school a living hell because they were so mean. It wasn't even like they Mean Girls kind of mean, they were ghetto so they would physically lash out. I don't know how I managed to not get my ass beat at all while I was there, Lord knows I was worried about it. To this day, they're all still stupid fucking bitches and I'm not. Nor am I fat, with 3 kids and 3 different baby daddies that are all in jail...that's way more than I can say for them. I'm actually laughing as I write this because they used to get so mad that they would try and provoke me but I wouldn't react; I never cared enough to do so. All the girls thought that I was a slut and they made it a point to tell that to anyone that would listen. I never slept with any of my boys; everyone assumed that I had slept with all of them because we hung out so much. This is totally not where I was going with this post...
Anyway, the song that I woke up to on the first day of my senior year was by Avenue D. I remember the day like it was yesterday. My alarm went off at 630 and that song started playing. I started dancing on my bed because it was the first day of my senior year, who wouldn't be excited about that?! While most girls were probably getting their cutest outfit together, I was looking for the cleanest pair of dirty sweatpants on my floor. I wore sweats and a holey tshirt on my first day of school . You know how I love to keep it classy! The guys were coming to pick me up since I was way too cool to take the school because I was a senior, duh. I was running late, per the usual, and I forgot my wallet at home. I didn't realize it until lunch, when I was, of course, starving. One of the guys bought me lunch in the cafeteria because it was raining and no one wanted to go out. I was standing in line talking to him when out of nowhere this hoodrat, nasty ass bitch tries to start shit with me. Really?! It's the first day of school, couldn't she at least have waited until the second day to start outrightly hating me? I just looked at her because I was hungry and grumpy and I really wasn't in the mood to play games. She didn't like the fact that I wasn't going to respond so she poured chocolate milk over my head. It got real quiet in the cafeteria, the way it does right before a fight breaks out; everyone thought I was going to beat her ass. I just started laughing at her, as chocolate milk drips down my face and shirt. That pissed her off even more. She went to swing and Mike stepped in between us because he knew that she would most likely put me in the hospital. Apparently the drama was all because of him. They had been hooking up all through the summer and about a week before school started, he just stopped talking to her completely. When she saw us together, she thought that I was the reason for his lack of communication with her. Bitch, please. If you were relevant or even worth it, he would have held your damn hand while he walked into school and made a point to let everyone know that you were his girl. He was the star quarterback so he was kind of a big deal (back then). He was just fucking her because no one better was around and she refused to acknowledge that. She was actually stupid enough to think that he liked her, poor girl. Mike took me home after lunch because I was gross, I had milk everywhere and I was constantly suppressing the urge the vomit because I hate milk. I honestly remember the day like it was yesterday and it was the worst first day of school ever. The song that woke me up...
I really liked that song because it was funny as shit. That was the song that woke me up this morning as well and I immediately felt like I was going back to high school. I shot out of bed and yanked my iPod off the damn dock and threw it onto my bed. My heart was pounding and I had such an uneasy feeling. I tend to be dramatic sometimes. I immediately had to start thinking happy thoughts and this is the only one that came to mind...
You know you love that shit! The only saving grace about this semester is that I'm taking one class and it starts at 12:30. There should be no reason as why I oversleep or whatever other excuse I mastermind to justify not going to class. The other good thing about it is that I usually get to school early so I can sit around and blog before class (I know you're happy about that!).
School really isn't as bad as I make it out to be. If only I got paid to attend classes...
So I was totally expecting this hurricane thing to be a lot worst than it actually was (in my neck of the woods). The way people were acting, you'd think that it was the end of the world. I tried to go to the grocery store around 6 on Friday night and it was a legit cluster fuck. I went to hang out with some friends and figured that I would stock up on food on the way home. I went back at 1AM, thinking that I was going to be the only smart one to think of that...joke's on me, it was still packed. It just wasn't as crazy as before. They were completely out of fresh fruit, soup and stuff that you would need it the world was coming to an end.
The shelves were devoid of standard things that people get in times of disaster. I was totally okay with because I wasn't looking for any of that shit.
My Hurricane Survival kit:
a box of Lucky Charms cereal
3 boxes of Cheeze-Its
2 bags of pizza-flavored Goldfish
4 packs of king size Reese's Peanut Butter Cups
1 big ass bag of Jelly Belly Jelly Beans
a box of Hot Tamales
Nature Valley Peanut Butter granola bars
Pistachio flavored ice cream (this will totally be safe when I lose power, right?!)
a 30 pack of Corona (can't get stranded without alcohol!)
I ran some errands Saturday morning and hunkered down before the weather got really bad. I literally spent the rest of the day lounging in bed or playing around on Stumbledupon and Pinterest. I told myself that I wasn't going to turn on my laptop at all and that I was going to stay in bed and read. I also said that I was going to fold laundry and tidy up my apartment, none of that happened. I blame the Internet. Since they had predicted that the weather was going to be horrific, I had no problems not going out. After my second nap of the day, I got bored. I wanted to go out. I wanted sushi, Chipotle and pizza, all at the same time. I was tired of sitting at home when there was nothing more than a thunder storm going on outside. The idea of going out was so much more appealing than actually going out. I really didn't feel like putting on my rainboots and all that shit. I was hungry as shit though so at that point, my only motivation would have been Chipotle. I'm such a fattie; one day, that will actually show on the outside. I decided to order pizza because that was the only logical solution.
At this point, there was just a glorified thunderstrom going on outside. The pizza guy finally got here, after getting lost and calling me for directions. He stood at my front door and held my pizza hostage while he asked me where I was from, all while staring at my tits. He told me that he was from the bush in Africa and that I shouldn't mind him. He wouldn't give me my pizza until I agreed to go back to the Mother Land and see my people. I agreed and snatched the pizza out of his hand. I was trying so hard not to laugh at him because he was just so ridiculous. He said something to me in some African dialect and then left. I texted my mom and told her what happened, laughing the entire time. She said that she hoped he was gone and that I had locked the door. I told her that I had invited him in for coffee because I'm sure they don't have that in the bush. I also told her that we were having a conversation about the proper way to kill a gazelle and bring it back to the village without worrying about actual predators. She didn't seem too amused with my jokes. I didn't care, I was fighting back tears of laughter.
The wind blew a lot and it poured for the majority of the day. I never lost power. No trees came down. It was disappointing because I was expecting a lot more than what we actually got in this area. Now don't get me wrong, I wasn't hoping for anyone to get hurt or anything along those lines. I just wanted to see what the weather people have been predicting for days, but I wanted to see it without any actual damage. Is that even possible?! My friend Murda's in NC and I'm actually really worried about him because no one's heard from him. A few days ago, he was going to come back up here and ride out the storm but then he decided to stay down there and that's the last that we've heard of him. I'm sure he's okay but I still worry. Whatever, I'm going to take another nap because doing nothing wears me out.
I was angry when I said those things to you but more importantly, my feelings were hurt. I knew that I cared about you way more than you cared about me. I wasn't quite sure how to deal with that so I denied it for the longest time. At times, I even felt like I wasn't good enough for you. When I talked to you on Thursday, I said everything out of spite and mildly lashed out because you were on my shit list and I wasn't even sure that I wanted to stay friends with you at all. When I got off work and went to the restaurant last night, I saw you sitting at the bar. My heart sank because I knew that I had hurt you and made you angry. That was never my intention; I was just trying to make you understand that I wasn't pleased with you. As usual, I fucked shit up and spoke with anger. Some of what I said was true. When I make plans that I try to include you in, I half expect them to not go as planned because something always comes up in your life. Not once have you ever actually come out and said that you didn't want to do anything that I had planned. For me, you not being able to follow thru at the last minute was equivalent to you saying "fuck off". My only intention was for us to do something fun, together. Maybe that was "our" downfall. When you left the restaurant after our conversation the other day, I vowed that I would not be the first person to make contact with the other.
I needed a favor last night and you were the only one that I trusted enough to help me. I was trying to swallow my pride and mentally prepare myself to grovel at your feet, all while asking for help. I turned around and started walking towards you a good three times, people must have thought that I was crazy because I kept turning around and going in the opposite direction. When I finally decided to let my sac drop, I turned around to go inside and talk to you but you were already walking towards me. It was so awkward that we might as well have been 6th graders with crushes on each other. I asked you to help me and said that I would totally understand if you said no, given the way I acted towards you. To my surprise, you agreed to help me. I was shocked. That just further reinforces how much of a bitch I am. I was mean to you and you were still willing to help me out. On the ride up to the tow lot, there was an awkward silence that I really wanted to fill with conversation but you knew that I would be forcing it so I just left it alone. I was on the verge of tears because I knew that I had driven a wedge in our friendship.
I eventually came to terms with the fact that we'll never actually be "together" but it kills me to think that I fucked up our entire friendship because I was being a moody bitch. Every time I see you, I can't help but smile because you just have that effect. For what it's worth, I like having you in my life...in whatever form that may be.
This is another letter to someone that will never read it, that's his loss.
We met a little less than a year ago. You came into the restaurant with some of my boys and sat in my section. I had seen you working at the dealership so I was immediately a lot nicer to you than I would be to a "random" table. I kept telling the guys that you were cute and that I wanted them to bring you in, they finally came thru for me. You were so cute when you asked me for a beer, I served it to you knowing full well that you weren't quite 21. Our first conversation was about belly button fucking. By the end of that, I was laughing so hard that I was crying. You were funny, you carried yourself well and I was smitten at first glance. I should have known that it was too good to be true.
You came back a few days later to sit in my section and I didn't have any other tables so I sat down with you. We talked about random shit and you kept me laughing. My cheeks had started hurting from laughing and smiling; it was just so easy with you. You asked me for my number while I was in the process of giving it to you. You smiled at me and brushed the hair out of my eyes. We had made plans to hang out that Friday night when I got off work. We stayed at the restaurant and drank because it was the only place that would serve you. Neither of us wanted the night to end so we went to the Diner and got grilled cheese sandwiches with bacon. We stayed there for hours just bullshitting and laughing. I finally took you back to your car and we sat, parked in the driveway, for another two hours. There was so much sexual tension, we could both feel it. We hadn't even done anything but the windows were already fogging up. I told you that I had to leave because I had to be back at the restaurant in 4 hours to help prepare for the street festival that we were participating in. You came around to my side of the car and you brushed a strand of hair behind my ear and asked if you could kiss me. My heart legitimately skipped a beat. You kissed me and it took my breath away, literally. I wasn't expecting such a seriously intense kiss from a guy your age.
You came to the festival and hung out. You met my dad because he just so happened to come by, you had an actual responsible adult conversation. He liked you. We made plans to hang out later that night after I went home and took a nap. I got to your place and we watched movies and cuddled. It was weird but I liked it. I liked hanging out with you, we always had a good time. You took me to your mom's birthday party and I met your family. I fell in love with them. To all the guys at the dealership, we were a pair. We acted like we were together, we didn't make plans without consulting the other person first.
And then things changed. I think that we got too close, too fast and it freaked you out. I was the only one that didn't have a problem with it. I was smitten and I did things for you that I never do for guys. I knew how much you wanted to go see Mac Miller in December but you had waited too late and the tickets were sold out. I found you $200 tickets (before they sold out, the tickets were $15) to a concert that I didn't even want to go to. I gave you the tickets as a Christmas present and told you to go with one of your boys. What did I get in return? An orgasm. I shouldn't have gotten you the tickets. I shouldn't have cleared my entire schedule for you on the day before Thanksgiving. You wanted a fucking philly cheesesteak from Geno's. You bitched and moaned about it the entire day before that I decided that I would drive you to Philly in a fuck ton of holiday traffic so that you could get your damn cheesesteak and then pass out in the car on the way back. I would have gone through with it had you not started bleeding from your vag like a little bitch.
I changed my plans for you and I got nothing in return. All my friends knew who you were but in the entire time that we were doing whatever it was that we were doing, I only met one of your friends. I brought you Starbucks when you didn't have time to go get it before school. I had the flu and asked you if you could drop off some Nyquil on your way home from work. I knew that it was out of your way but you just couldn't be bothered. You had a New Year's Eve party at your place and didn't bother to say anything to me until the day of. You said that I should have known that I was already invited. Silly me! In January, I spent weeks preparing for this huge event at work, an event that I was running on my own. Every time I worked late and couldn't hang out, all you did was bitch and moan about how I never spent enough time with you. When I would come over after work and I was dead tired, I would lay down in your bed and I could barely keep my eyes open. You got mad because you didn't invite me over to sleep. The day of the event came and went. I had stayed up for days stressing out about it and the day of, we had breakfast and you asked me nothing about it. When my current boss offered me the job back in September, I was so fucking excited about it. You were the first person I told, you were excited for me.
At the time, all the effort that I was putting into our "relationship" seemed normal. Hindsight is 20/20. I was putting in 85% and you were putting in the rest. It frustrated me up until yesterday. I would always make plans for us to do stuff, per your request, and then you would bail at the last minute; that was your MO. I'm ashamed to admit this but sometimes, I would sit by the phone and wait for you to call like you said you would. I was stupid and I knew it but for some reason, I just couldn't let go. I don't know why it took me so long to figure it out and stop wasting my time. It could have been the fact that you were the first guy, in a long time, that I actually liked and that I could actually see myself. You did nothing but take advantage on me and the way I treated you; I never realized it at the time.
I had two tickets to the Skins Ravens game, they were 3rd row fucking seats. You and I had always talked about going to a game last season but never made it. When I got the tickets, I immediately thought of you. I only wanted to go with you because I knew that we would have an amazing time. I asked you to go with me at the beginning of the week and you were so excited, we immediately started talking shit because we both root for different teams (you're stupid enough to be a Skins fan). In the back of my mind, I knew that you were going to bail at the last minute. Instead of waiting around for it to happen, I made plans for someone else to come with me. As predicted, you bailed on me the day before the game. I thanked you for being predictable. You actually had the never to get mad at me. You stupid fool. For once, I planned ahead so that I wouldn't be left high and dry for something that I really wanted to do. Seriously, they're third row seats!! If you can't get your shit together enough to be able to come to a damn football game with me for third row seats, I really don't know what the fuck is wrong with you. You came in to order lunch from me and you asked me why I was mad at you. I explained that I wasn't the slightest bit mad at you, I was mad at myself for still holding out hope for you...hope that maybe one day, you would come keep your word. After that conversation, I stopped hoping.
A little less than a year after I met you, thanks for finally putting things into perspective for me...better late than never.
**I have no idea what's going on with the formatting, I can't seem to fix it. I blame Blogger for this.
So there wasan earthquake yesterday and I kinda thought I was losing my mind. I was in the middle of brushing my teeth and my shower door started shaking a little bit. I just chalked it up to my neighbors' rowdy ankle biters. Then I realized that I don't share a wall with them so it couldn't possibly be his kids causing such a commotion. I stared at myself in the mirror, toothbrush still in my mouth, and my eyes got real big. The bathroom light started flickering, sort of like the light fixtures in dingy motels with vibrating beds. I poked my head out of the bathroom and saw my bookcase violently shaking. I have a little mirror and some lucky bamboo sitting on top of it. I went to grab those because the bookcase was moving so much that I they were going to fall over and break. I'm very attached to my bamboo, I named it Lucky (obvi!) and I talk to him every morning and every night...he knows a lot of my secrets.
I was honestly so confused as to what was going on. I was standing in my living room, toothbrush still in my mouth, toothpaste dripping down my chin and shirt, holding lucky and the mirror. It took me a few seconds to realize that it was earthquake. I stood there because I honestly didn't know what to do. Mommy and I never had an earthquake emergency plan when I was little. We live on the East Coast for crying out loud! We hadfire plans and other such emergency plans if anything were to happen and we were at home. I did the only thing that was plausible at that point, I sat down in the middle of my living room floor and vowed that if I made itout alive, I would be nicer to Mommy and start on my 52 things list as soon as possible.
As soon as the world stopped shaking under me, I got up and smiled. I was damn sure glad that MotherNature/Earth stopped her PMS and realized that Mackenzie had shit to do. Damn women always want togo around causing a stir! I heard my neighbor's kids screaming bloody murder so I knew that they werestanding in the hallway. (please keep in mind that I'm still only wearing a t-shirt) I go into the building hallwayto make sure that the kids were okay. I still had my toothbrush in my mouth, toothpaste on my face and I was still holding Lucky and my mirror. My neighbor looked at me like I was crazy and asked me why I wasn'twearing pants. Um, helllooo?! There was an earthquake, we could have died and you're concernedabout me not wearing pants. Fuck you!!
My mom works in Tysons Corners so when I found out that the epicenter was in Virginia, all I could see was my mother under a pile of rubble that used to be her office building. I tend to get a little dramatic at times. I did everything short of sending carrier pigeons as a means of getting in touch with her. I couldn't get any calls or texts out because there was so much congestion and the circuits were closed. When my cell pops up amessage like that it would be nice it they could also send an explanation as to what the fuck that shit meansbecause I don't speak phone. After two hours of freaking out and contemplating driving into VA to findMommy, I finally get in touch with her. They had evacuated her office building because of the earthquake soshe went to Harris Teeter with her co-workers and got wine. WTF?! Do you know that I have beenfreaking out and worried that you were dead and your ass is out drinking wine as if everything was allhunkey dorey. Have you lost your everloving mind?!?!? I was livid.
I think that I would have much rather had a giant snake-worm-alien thing burst out of the ground instead ofthe earthquake. At least then I would have been prepared for it because I saw that scene in Men in Black(duh!). With the quake here, the one in Colorado, the one in Peru and the hurricane all happening in the same week, I'm convinced that the world is ending.
