Ladies & Gentleman, I'm quite pleased to admit that I am back for good. Writing that post the other day, as short as it was, made me happy and took a load off. I missed blogging. Sometimes it's nice to find strength in the arms of strangers. Please bear with me over the next couple of weeks, I'm going to be revamping the blog a little bit. I don't even know where to start with that, i'll play around with things and then see what I like the most.
I'm currently camped out at Starbucks, in Barnes & Noble...my favorite place ever. There are some serious wackjobs out today. I just dropped part of my muffin on my freaking keyboard. Seriously, wtf? Maybe that's a sign that I should stop talking about people (I wish that I could use Emoji faces so that you can see my facial expression). Sike, I'm never going to stop talking about people...that's boring as shit.
I turned 25 in June and I swear I'm starting to go thru a quarter-life crisis; it's awful. I feel restless and lazy at the same time. Is that even possible?! I'm not in school this semester because I keeping fucking up and they won't take me back. Newsflash Dean: it's a community college, not Harvard so get the sand out of your fucking vagina, shove a tampon up there and I'm sure that you and I will get along just fine. Just kidding, I will always dislike you. Since I'm not in school and I'm working part-time at both of my jobs, I need more things to do. I almost signed up for a Habitat for Humanity build in Madagascar the other day. I decided that it was a little extreme to take off running before I can really walk. I need to do a Habitat build around here before I go galavanting around the globe. I'm also fairly certain that my parents would not be thrilled if I did that. Maybe I should just sign up for the Peace Corps and be done with it. Anyway, yesterday, I went to a volunteer orientation for this non-profit called 826DC. It's basically an after-school tutoring program. I don't have tons of time to donate but I'm super interested in doing it! They have a Tuesday Night Tutoring program for high school students and they need language tutors in for French. That shit has my name all over it. The only problem is that I have a pass a DC public schools background check, having a DUI on your record fucks shit up. That would be the only reason as to why I wouldn't pass. I'm going to fill out the application tomorrow when I get to work. Wish me luck.
I used my phone GPS to get down to the 826DC office yesterday morning. The orientation was at 10 and the GPS said that it would take 40 minutes, I don't think it took into account that it was rushhour and I can't find my way out of a paper bag. I managed to make it there with plenty of time of time to spare and I didn't even get lost. I'm growing up guys! I also found a parking spot on the street right around the corner from the building. If you've ever driven into DC on a weekday morning, you know how hard it is to find street parking, let alone something close to where you need to go. Of course, something super bad was going to happen to me after all that good fortune. I sat in the car and talked to my mom for a little bit, put on my mascara, twiddled my thumbs...my car was on the whole time because it was hot and I didn't want to sweat. I finally got out of the car and started walking across the street. I turned around to lock the doors and sawsome homeless guy pissing on my car. Really dude?!? I was just in the car and the car was running. I guess I caught him off guard because he pissed on his leg a little bit. I didn't even know what to say or do so I just walked away. It was way too early for those kinds of shenanigans.
I've been feeling super crafty lately, Pinterest might have something to do with that. Stupid website. I used to make jewelry with my mom watch my mom make jewelry when I was younger. She was crafty too. I've been making Google my bitch today, I just bookmarked a buttload of sites about DIY jewelry making. Bet $10 that I start to make a necklace, get bored and never finish it. Story of my life. But all jokes aside, I'm going to put studs on my Chucks. I was a pair on Pinterest and I fell in love. I found a bunch of websites that tell you how to do it, it's not complicated and it doesn't take long so my gnat-like attention span should be able to handle it. Pinterest will be blamed for all the projects that I start and don't finish; that website also sucks up so much of my freaking time. They really need to have a jewelry category.
I'm going to stuff my face with a burrito now but thanks for reading.
A year ago today, I started my blog again and this was my first post...
It's been awhile and after much deliberation, I've decided that I'm back for good. I'm not quite sure what exactly I'm going to blog about but I'm sure I'll figure it out as I go.
In other news, today is Valentine's Day...or Singles' Awareness Day, depending on your situation. I will fully admit that I'm single and I love it (for the most part). There are some very rare moments of weakness where I wished that I had someone to cuddle with but we can't all get what we want. When I hear all the drama from my friends about their boyfriends/girlfriends, it really makes me wonder why some people would even bother. Do the pros really outweigh the cons when you're in such an unhappy relationship? Or is it that you are afraid to be alone so that's why you've allowed yourself to get stuck in a shitty situation? Either way, I'm happy that I'm single. I have the freedom to date who and when I want (provided that someone catches my attention). I have, however, decided that for the rest of the semester, I will be completely celibate and unattached. I'm going to run train on school and work. I will own them and make both of them my bitch because it's time that I finally do so.
If you live in the DC metropolitan area and you went outside today, you're thanking your lucky stars that Mother Nature has come to her sense about this weather thing. 60 degrees and above from now on, thanks in advance.
However you celebrate February 14th, I hope you do it well and have a wonderful day.
Sometimes, I really have no clue what I'm blogging about but at the end of the day, whatever I'm writing about makes sense to me. A year ago, I had such high hopes for my little blog, I wanted to be "known" for it. But given the sometimes mean things that I've written about people, I should keep this thing our little secret. In the past year, I've been stalked by a crazy Arab man that tried to bribe me into dating him with money and I'm fairly certain that he wanted to incorporate me into his harem. I feel bad for those women because he's one hairy man. In the past year, I spent time with (for lack of a better term) a guy that I refused to date because there were so many things wrong with him. In the past year, I've slept with a guy with one testicle and then proceeded to take a pregnancy test (not my finest moment, shit happens). In the past year, I've made new friends and lost old ones. In the past year, I've done my best to make everyone happy but that shit's tiring as fuck and I don't want to do it anymore. I've come to the conclusion that a year ago, I had completely unrealistic visions of myself and where I wanted to be in life and what I wanted to be doing. I can't pop out the womb and start running, that's craziness. You've gotta crawl before you ball.
I don't know if it's because it's Valentine's Day and love has been in the air lately but random people have been talking to me lately. Fingerbang came up to me the other day while we were at a bar and actually hugged me. I was so caught off guard that I just stood there with my arms at my sides. I didn't know what to do! Then she proceeded to have a conversation with me, I don't even know what this bitch was talking about. Heard through the grapevine that she wants to be friends again because she misses me. Things that are awkward: we weren't really friends to begin with. Lrog called me today and wanted to talk, talk as if we hadn't even stopped talking. WTF? I haven't talked to you in months and I legit have no clue what's going on in your life, what the hell do we talk about?!? Whatever. I told her I'd be out in Bethesda after my date tonight (yes, I have a date, on Valentine's Day...more details to come). I have to shower and get my life together for this dude and manage to not be late...things that probably won't happen: all of the above. I'm probably going to wear sweats. I keep that shit real classy!
On a serious note though, squeeze the people that you love the most a little harder today. When they ask why you did it, say "just because". Enjoy your day and eat all the chocolate that you can. I've got my fat kid stash of valentine's candy in the car, rush hour won't be as bad in the morning.
I got an award and it is legit. I'm currently working on a paper for my Psych class so as soon as I run train on that bad boy, I will share my award with you guys.
I also think that it will soon be time for another video blog.
I actually do have funny shit to tell you, for once! In the meantime, enjoy this song because I dance around in my underwear to it...
Today is totally one of those days, I am so not in the mood to deal with anything or anyone. In fact, today is that day that I will pray for anyone that decides to cross me...it will not end well for them. I just keep humming the theme song from the Sopranos. If anyone has watched the beginning of any episode, they'd see Tony driving down the highway while the song is playing in the background. I don't want to kill anyone at all, I just pretty much want to be left alone.
So anyway, the previous post that I wrote, completely disregard it. Mr. Southern Sexypants is a stupid, old, lame lame man. He said that Philly was too far (two hours) for us to go for the day. He said that since he works so hard and is so busy that he just likes to chill on weekends. Look douchecanoe, I'm not asking you to run there. I'm asking you to ride shotgun in my car while we drive there. Womp womp. Yeah I get that you're a busy person and all that good shit but here's the deal: I work two jobs and I'm in school. Newsflash: I'm busy too. He basically had this holier than thou attitude about the whole situation so I broke it down for him. I definitely fired off some feisty texts because I could sense his attitude and I definitely wasn't feeling it. Trust and believe that I let him know real quick that he needed to back up the bus with his attitude. For some reason, he assumed that I was trying to be his girlfriend. When I read that text, I actually laughed out loud. I probably wouldn't know what a relationship looked like if it hit me in the face. Yes he is amazing and yes I would love to get to know him better but not once did I express interest in being his girlfriend. For the record, I expressed hypothetical interest in having his babies but that doesn't mean that I want him to stick around afterwards. Long story short, we go back and forth about this, that and the other; I told him to let me know when he wanted to hang out because I wasn't going to sit around and wait for his ass to pay attention to me. He asked me if I wanted to hang out last night, I promptly vetoed that because I called out of work (I've got an asthma attack, fever thing going on right now) and quite frankly, I didn't want to be bothered with other people. He asked me if I was mad at him for not wanting to go to Philly blah blah blah. No I'm not mad at you, I just think that you gave me the lamest excuse ever. And you're essentially preventing me from eating delicious cheesesteaks at Geno's!
Anyway, Lrog and I are doing dinner and a movie tonight. That will inevitably turn into a boy bashing event because we're pretty much fed up with all of the ones that we have in our lives. We agreed that we wouldn't go out in Bethesda tonight and there would also be no boys allowed. There's a problem with that second condition though, boys tend to flock to us. I'm not even kidding. Separately, we do just fine but together it's insane. Neither of us is quite sure how or why it happens. Either way, Lrog is definitely my partner in crime and I love her from the bottom of my heart.
In other "screw everyone" news, I essentially broke up with my friend Bruno. Normally, I would have a blog name for him but at this point, I don't give two shits. I went to middle school with this kid and we've been friends for a long time. I love him to death, I really do but sometimes, he's just too much to handle. We had some friends in town, people that we had gone to middle school with so we decided to go out. Let me give you a little background information, we all speak French so we usually talk shit about people in French when we're out in public. I do it discreetly and make sure my body language doesn't convey complete disgust for whoever I'm talking about. Bruno, on the other hand, will say shit to people as they walk by and he says it so aggressively that they automatically know that he's talking about them. The last time we went out, it was so out of control that I had to keep apologizing for his behavior. We went to my favorite sushi place because they have a late night menu and I, of course, was starving. We almost had to go somewhere else because Bruno was a dickhead to the bouncer. REALLY?! Let's be serious for a minute...I can do bad all by myself and I would really appreciate it if you would keep your shit together in a place that I come to on a regular basis. He was so out of line and was heckling the people that were walking by that we almost got kicked out, before I even got my food. I was livid. I asked him on multiple occasions to just shut the fuck up but that seemed to be hard for him to do. Another thing that he does that's not okay is that he actually leaves bruises on my body. He likes to leave handprints and bite marks. If we were sleeping together, I'd be kinda whatever about it but he hasn't stuck his ween in me so that shit's just not alright. That night, I basically told him to fuck off and he thought that I was kidding and that we would be hanging out a few days later. Not the case. He finally hit me up on Facebook chat earlier and asked me what the hell my problem was. Excuse me?! He wanted to know why I was ignoring him, I told him that it had something to do with the fact that he was a stupid fuck. We argued about it for a little bit and he tired to blame his behavior on the alcohol. That excuse doesn't fly with me because I know you've been drinking since you were 14 and you're 22 now. You know what I say to that shit...
I told him to go fuck himself and he told me to have a nice life. That's how the cookie crumbles.
I'm glad it's Friday. Lrog bailed for tonight because she forgot that she has to be at work early in the morning. That means that I'm going to run my errands on my way home from work and then I'm going to go home, put on my flannel pjs, open a beer and curl up on the couch with my laptop and Breaking Dawn. Don't judge me.
Disclaimer: The worst thing anyone can ever do to me is come between me and food. If you value your life, don't do it.
A new playlist is up, it's not quite complete. I ran out of musical steam (does that make sense/is that even possible?!). Fuck if I know.
Anyway, as promised, the pictures that I took at Fallingwater. Enjoy...
View from above of the famous waterfall
Sweetest windows ever
Oh hello little caterpillar!
I had to prevent myself from Sharpie-ing all over this dude's face...I'm a rebel like that
Sickest picture ever
View from behind
Lilies in the guest house
Ugly little fucker
Grass growing on a ledge
Moss on the side of the house
I was running through the woods and I found a little tree
If you look close enough, this mushroom has a face
I took pictures of the sky, clouds make me happy
I was taking pictures of the sky, while driving, much to my mother's dismay. I like to throw caution to the wind. Don't ask me why I was running through the woods either, I have no idea. I honestly took the most random pictures ever. You would have thought that I would have brought my fully charged digital camera...didn't happen. My camera died after I took about 5 pictures at the house. I had a little photoshoot in the car on our way there. With who? Me, myself and I, duh! Anyway, I found the mushroom and the little tree because I wasn't walking on the path (all the lame kids play it safe, I'm not lame). I actually had to get down on my knees to get the right angle, my mom thought I was crazy for taking pictures of nonsense. Whatever, she got all the "serious" pictures. When I saw that gigantic spiderweb, I was sitting on the ledge of the third floor balcony. That damn thing scared the shit out of me so bad that I nearly fell of the damn ledge because I had an arachnophobic fit (don't try using that shit, I coined it). Don't ask my why I was sitting there; I obviously like doing stupid shit. It turned out to be a sick ass picture though. I had to get it from the front and from the back. I have no idea what kind of spider it was but it was big as shit and I did not like it.
Anyway. You guys love me, right?! Of course you do. So who wants to buy me a fancy schmancy camera, like a professional one?! I know you want to. I will patiently wait for a package from UPS with a lovely camera in it.
While you're at it, I love boobies so let's support the boobie cause. I want a white "I Heart Boobies" bracelet. See how cool it is here!! Seriously though, you guys are the best followers ever for buying me presents. Seriously though, I love you...and presents.
I've been dreading this day since finals last semester. Yesterday was the first day of Fall classes but today, my friends, I start class. I honestly wish that you could have seen my face when I woke this morning. I had barely gotten out of bed and the day was already off to a shitty start. I don't think that I've ever mentioned this but I loathe, abhor, despise school with a flaming fiery passion. It is the bane of my existence. Keep in mind that I don't go to a fancy schmancy university like Georgetown. No no, I go to a community college because I was too lazy to get my act together and fill out college applications my senior year (they're all still sitting in a shoe box, unopened). I had no desire to go to college right after high school, I wanted to backpack around the country, alone, at 18 years old. True story. I wanted to be like Jack Kerouac, without a car. When I told my parents that, they laughed in my face. At the time, I was furious with them for not letting me do it but looking back on it, they were totally justified (I just admitted that they were right and for that reason alone, I will never let them read this blog). I was just barely 18 and I wanted to backpack around the country. Seriously?!? Anyway, half way through my senior year, Newsweek came out with an article about students taking a gap year between high school and college. The reasoning was that most people that young weren't quite ready for the responsibility that comes with moving out of their parents' house and essentially being on their own for the first time blah blah blah. I shit myself when I saw the article. I wrote my parents a 50 page email, only because I knew they wouldn't sit still long enough to let me say what I had to say and listen without laughing. When my dad read the email, he was incredibly proud of me because it was so well written and documented. I backed up every argument and fact. I wish that I still had it somewhere because I was actually really proud of it as well. Long story short, they made me sign up for classes at the community college around the corner...no gap year for Mackenzie. In hindsight, had I taken one, I probably never would have signed up for classes after that. Whatever. My academic career has been nothing less that absolutely horrible. I have been on academic restriction or probation since Spring of 2007. When I went through my transcripts, I was actually ashamed of myself for fucking up so damn bad. I'm a smart girl, I really am but sometimes, I do the stupidest fucking shit ever. I made my bed and now I need to lay in it.
A little relevant background info...my mom graduated from high school in Paris (because she was fancy, duh) so when I was old enough to start pre-school, my parents put me in the French school in Manhattan, where i was born. The one thing that my parents never argued about or disagreed on was the fact that I would be bilingual. Honestly, I am so incredibly grateful of the fact that I speak French and I wouldn't trade that for anything in the world. When things weren't working out with the parentals, my mom and I moved to MD when I was three. I, of course, was too young to take the transfer test so they just transferred me to the Lycee (fancy name for the French school) in Bethesda. I stayed there until the end of my freshman year and then I was politely asked to leave before they expelled me...oops. I figured that it was no big deal, I would just transfer to a public school, which is what I always wanted. I also figured that it couldn't be worse than the Lycee, also known as Stepford depending on who you ask. I have a big personality and I like doing what I want to do when I want to do it. I refuse to be put in a box. In fact, I just don't fix in a box and the only label that fits me is Mackenzie. The school wanted me to conform and that shit just wasn't fucking happening so I started acting out. That's when I became a huge issue for them and they just wanted to get rid of me. They essentially bribed me into leaving quietly by not putting an expulsion on my record. Going from the Lycee to a kinda ghetto public school was the biggest culture shock of my life, I felt like I needed a fucking passport to go to school. I hated it so much that I went home and cried every day for a good two months. I had made my bed and I needed to lay it. I changed schools at the beginning of my sophomore year so I was definitely the new girl. Everybody had grown up together and they were so close knit that I didn't have a chance at being friends with them. It wasn't until the second semester of that year that I made friends with some of the coolest guys I know, we're still friends to this day. I was put in Spanish 2 first, I walked into the classroom and sat down. I walked out 10 minutes into the class because bitch was teaching the students remedial fucking Spanish and she was making mistakes that no one caught but me. I went to the guidance counselor and he switched me into Spanish 3. It just so happened that that was the class with all the football players; most girls would have creamed themselves but I was terrified because they were big as shit. I walked into the classroom and I might as well have been a gazelle, completely unprotected in the Serengeti just based on the way the guys were looking at me. The teacher handed me a 30 page packet that we were supposed to work on for the next two days, I finished it in 10 minutes. I gave it back to her and from that point on, she hated me. The entire packet was correct. She emailed my counselor and told him that I would be her TA instead of an actual student; she made me work with the football players because they were struggling with life. They were all hitting on me and kept trying to get me to come to parties with them. Sorry, I think I'll pass because I'm not about to let you run train on me. We all became such good friends to the point where I would come home from work and some of them would be sitting on the couch hanging out with my mom. The worst part was that she cooked for them!!! She never did that shit for me but she sure as hell did it for them. Her reasoning was that they were active growing boys and they needed food. REALLY?!?! To this day some of them ask me if they can go to her house so that she can cook for them. No fuckfaces, she's not cooking for you anymore. Anyway, we all became really close and that made the girls at school HATE me. That was fine with me because I hated them too, they were all stupid fucking bitches. They made my last three years of high school a living hell because they were so mean. It wasn't even like they Mean Girls kind of mean, they were ghetto so they would physically lash out. I don't know how I managed to not get my ass beat at all while I was there, Lord knows I was worried about it. To this day, they're all still stupid fucking bitches and I'm not. Nor am I fat, with 3 kids and 3 different baby daddies that are all in jail...that's way more than I can say for them. I'm actually laughing as I write this because they used to get so mad that they would try and provoke me but I wouldn't react; I never cared enough to do so. All the girls thought that I was a slut and they made it a point to tell that to anyone that would listen. I never slept with any of my boys; everyone assumed that I had slept with all of them because we hung out so much. This is totally not where I was going with this post...
Anyway, the song that I woke up to on the first day of my senior year was by Avenue D. I remember the day like it was yesterday. My alarm went off at 630 and that song started playing. I started dancing on my bed because it was the first day of my senior year, who wouldn't be excited about that?! While most girls were probably getting their cutest outfit together, I was looking for the cleanest pair of dirty sweatpants on my floor. I wore sweats and a holey tshirt on my first day of school . You know how I love to keep it classy! The guys were coming to pick me up since I was way too cool to take the school because I was a senior, duh. I was running late, per the usual, and I forgot my wallet at home. I didn't realize it until lunch, when I was, of course, starving. One of the guys bought me lunch in the cafeteria because it was raining and no one wanted to go out. I was standing in line talking to him when out of nowhere this hoodrat, nasty ass bitch tries to start shit with me. Really?! It's the first day of school, couldn't she at least have waited until the second day to start outrightly hating me? I just looked at her because I was hungry and grumpy and I really wasn't in the mood to play games. She didn't like the fact that I wasn't going to respond so she poured chocolate milk over my head. It got real quiet in the cafeteria, the way it does right before a fight breaks out; everyone thought I was going to beat her ass. I just started laughing at her, as chocolate milk drips down my face and shirt. That pissed her off even more. She went to swing and Mike stepped in between us because he knew that she would most likely put me in the hospital. Apparently the drama was all because of him. They had been hooking up all through the summer and about a week before school started, he just stopped talking to her completely. When she saw us together, she thought that I was the reason for his lack of communication with her. Bitch, please. If you were relevant or even worth it, he would have held your damn hand while he walked into school and made a point to let everyone know that you were his girl. He was the star quarterback so he was kind of a big deal (back then). He was just fucking her because no one better was around and she refused to acknowledge that. She was actually stupid enough to think that he liked her, poor girl. Mike took me home after lunch because I was gross, I had milk everywhere and I was constantly suppressing the urge the vomit because I hate milk. I honestly remember the day like it was yesterday and it was the worst first day of school ever. The song that woke me up...
I really liked that song because it was funny as shit. That was the song that woke me up this morning as well and I immediately felt like I was going back to high school. I shot out of bed and yanked my iPod off the damn dock and threw it onto my bed. My heart was pounding and I had such an uneasy feeling. I tend to be dramatic sometimes. I immediately had to start thinking happy thoughts and this is the only one that came to mind...
You know you love that shit! The only saving grace about this semester is that I'm taking one class and it starts at 12:30. There should be no reason as why I oversleep or whatever other excuse I mastermind to justify not going to class. The other good thing about it is that I usually get to school early so I can sit around and blog before class (I know you're happy about that!).
School really isn't as bad as I make it out to be. If only I got paid to attend classes...
First and foremost, I'd like to thank everyone for their comments and concern for Big Poppa and his health. He got out of the hospital yesterday and it really felt like there was a huge weight lifted off my shoulders. I went to go see him when I got off work last night. He got mad because I was talking during "America's Got Talent". Nice to have you home, Dad! He said the one plus to being in the hospital was that he could watch TV and not have his wife call his name every 5 minutes; I sympathize with that because his wife is the most vile person I have ever met. Words cannot describe my dislike for her and vice versa; that clearly needs to be a post one day. The docs gave him some dietary restrictions and things like that. Keep in mind that they gave him instructions and lifestyle changes because they want him to live longer and be healthy, not to piss him off. They told him that he wasn't allowed to have mayonnaise anymore. You should have seen his face when he told me that, it was equivalent to one he would make if the world were to end tomorrow. This is how the no mayo conversation went...
Dad: So they told me I probably shouldn't eat mayo anymore.
Me: I don't think that's how they phrased it, dude. I'm pretty sure they told you that you should just cut it out all together.
Dad: (takes a deep breath) So what if they didn't say it that way. I love mayo and I'm proud of it. It's been with me for a long time and it has never done me wrong.
Me: (laughing) You're talking about a condiment as if it were a person. It's mayonnaise, it's super gross and you're better off without it. Your arteries will thank you later.
Dad: But you see, the immediate problem is that my taste buds are going to be unhappy now. So will my stomach. I'm not a happy person when I don't eat mayo.
Me: Seriously, what is wrong with you? Did they run head tests will you were at the hospital? I'm confused as to why you're making a huge fuss about mayo.
Dad: Well confusion seems to run in the family because I'm confused as to why you now hate it. You loved it when you were little.
Me: You must be confusing me with your other child. (mind you, I'm an only child) I don't ever remember liking mayo or eating it willingly for that matter. I remember the time Mommy made me a tuna salad sandwich and I ate it, not knowing what was in it. It was good so I asked her what was in it. When she told me what it is, I threw up on her.
Dad: You purposefully threw up on your mother? Why would you do that?!
Me: I didn't meant to, the mayo made me sick. I was probably 5 or 6 years old; I didn't know any better.
Dad: (rolling his eyes) Mayonnaise does not make you sick, Mackenzie. I used to give it to you all the time when you were little. I would sit you on the kitchen counter while I made us bologna sandwiches and I put mayo on them. You were so cute, you would stick your tiny hand in the jar and then lick it. Then we would walk from the kitchen to the living room, sit on the couch and watch TV. I had to bribe you with candy so you wouldn't tell mommy that I let you sit on the kitchen counter naked, we didn't use plates or napkins and probably tracked crumbs everywhere. You know how she is about crumbs. Anyway, when she would leave you with me some days because she had a lot of errands to run, we always had a good time. I never made you put on clothes around the house because you would always end up taking them off, you didn't like getting dressed when you were a toddler. You always wanted to eat hot dogs with me because mommy never used to let you have them. I'd give you the hot dog, no bun because you didn't like it. You'd stick it in the jar of mayonnaise just like I taught you and you would sit there munching away with a big old smile on your face.
He looked at me fondly, as if he missed the good old days. I was horrified. Clearly, there were a lot of things wrong with my childhood and just seem to have repressed those memories. He seems to think that there was nothing wrong with anything that he had just told me. Really, Dad?! You let me stick my grimy hands in the jar of mayonnaise? That's disgusting; knowing a toddler version of me, my hands were probably dirty as shit. You sat me on the kitchen counter ass naked. Mommy's gonna be real mad at you when she finds out about that! And then, you let me walk around with food in my hands without using a plate or a napkin. You're lucky that you just got out of the hospital because had you not, Mommy would kill you for that. Her biggest pet peeve is stepping on crumbs while she's barefoot. Thanks for letting me run around naked when I was younger; you nipped my "girls gone wild phase" in the bud at an early age. Knowing you, Father Dear, you didn't even cook the hot dogs. I just want to reiterate that mayonnaise is disgusting. If you fed it to me as much as you say you did, I probably developed an aversion to it that lasted well over 20 years. I'm totally okay with that.
This is my reaction to eating mayo as a child
In other news, I got an invite to my 5 year high school reunion the other day. I promptly started hyper ventilating; it has nothing to do with the fact that I've been out of high school for 5 years. I'm totally okay with that fact because time passes. What I'm not okay with is the fact that a shit ton of people I went to high school with are going to be converging on my local hang out spot in Bethesda. I went to Gaithersburg High School, 20 minutes away from Bethesda. As you can tell, I don't particularly like those people. They weren't nice to me in high school and I really doubt that they'll be nice to me now. The sad part is that I give every single one of them the benefit of doubt because I can't help it. I always look for the good in people because I'm a nice person...sometimes, but not really though. Damn high school reunion, I hate you. People are already going crazy over it. The girls are going to bring out their best outfits and all that good shit. I will not be apart of the shit show. I'm going to sit at home and get my nerd on while reading the rest of the Twilight series.
I started singing this on my way to work this morning. I don't know why my brain likes to play tricks on me like that. I've been singing this damn song all day.
Don't get me wrong, I'm a huge fan of inappropriate behavior and will even have moments of inappropriateness myself. But sometimes, things just go too far...
At some point Wednesday night, the storm knocked out my power and my alarm didn't go off the next morning. I know that I was exhausted because I slept through the entire thunderstorm/torrential downpour/Mother Nature's PMS and I woke up feeling super rested yesterday morning. I woke up at 10AM, my first class starts at 930. At that point, school was irrelevant because it was still pouring outside and I was in my big, comfy bed.
I figured that if I was going to miss class for the day, I might as well try and be studious. I got my shit together and went to Starbucks to camp out for the day, literally the entire day. I sat at one of those long tables that's made to fit 6 people. When I sat down, there was a French-speaking African guy sitting down talking web design type stuff to some girl. I went to a French school for a very long time, I can pick out a French accent anywhere. He kept looking at me and it was starting to piss me off. Several cycles of people came and went. I was working on a paper for school so I had my earphones in as a noise buffer but I wasn't listening to anything.
These two French (French from France, not Canada because there's a difference in their accents) guys sat down and that's when it got interesting. The African guy was excited to have someone to speak to in his native language with womp womp. At first they were just talking about general things and then they, inevitably, started talking shit about people. I just happened to be sitting at the table and they thought I was reasonably attractive so I was their most serious target. Keep in my that I had my earphones in so they probably thought that I was some dumb American, listening to music. Ignorant fools should learn not to assume things. The fact that they said that I was reasonably attractive didn't bother me because everybody's got their preferences. It was the fact that they said they would cover my head with a paperbag and bend me over the very table at which we were sitting and do it to me. The whole time the African guy is just laughing with them and smiling in my direction, as if nothing were wrong. Really?!? They talked about how it's nice for them to be in the US and be able to speak French with only a few people understanding. I am one of those people. I sat there the whole time and listened to them say degrading things about me, women in general and Americans. I tried so hard not to freak out at them and I'm really glad I didn't because the end result was so much better than anything else. The French guys got up to leave and I told them to have a nice day, in FRENCH. ONe of them turned beat red. The look on their faces was absolutely priceless!!
After that whole exchange, I was fairly certain that the African guy wanted to ask me out. Sure enough, when he finally got up to leave, he asked if we could go out some time. Really? Is that a serious question? Fuck no we can't go out. You sat there and laughed while those two pricks talked shit about me and women IN GENERAL. They could see your mom/sister and say the same shit about her, you stupid prick. You know that I speak French and you won't even offer up an apology with regards to your laughter and you expect me to go out with you. And then you have to nerve to get mad when I rip you a new asshole for said behavior. Seriously? Get out of my face, like 5 minutes ago. I really couldn't believe that guy. I swear I have a stamp on my forehead that's only visible to guys.
Anyway, it's Friday and I have no crazy weekend plans except for getting my nerd on with my textbooks (one of them has not been opened since the semester started, in January). I dislike finals, they really cramp my style.
The song of the day is one of my personal favorites, it never fails to get me amped up for a night of partying. And my husband, Kid Cudi, is in it. I want to marry him and have his babies, until that happens I will settle for watching him in Youtube videos and drooling. While you party, think of me! Enjoy...
