It's Go Time, World

Ladies & Gentleman, I'm quite pleased to admit that I am back for good. Writing that post the other day, as short as it was, made me happy and took a load off. I missed blogging. Sometimes it's nice to find strength in the arms of strangers. Please bear with me over the next couple of weeks, I'm going to be revamping the blog a little bit. I don't even know where to start with that, i'll play around with things and then see what I like the most.

I'm currently camped out at Starbucks, in Barnes & Noble...my favorite place ever. There are some serious wackjobs out today.  I just dropped part of my muffin on my freaking keyboard. Seriously, wtf? Maybe that's a sign that I should stop talking about people (I wish that I could use Emoji faces so that you can see my facial expression). Sike, I'm never going to stop talking about people...that's boring as shit.

I turned 25 in June and I swear I'm starting to go thru a quarter-life crisis; it's awful. I feel restless and lazy at the same time. Is that even possible?! I'm not in school this semester because I keeping fucking up and they won't take me back. Newsflash Dean: it's a community college, not Harvard so get the sand out of your fucking vagina, shove a tampon up there and I'm sure that you and I will get along just fine. Just kidding, I will always dislike you. Since I'm not in school and I'm working part-time at both of my jobs, I need more things to do. I almost signed up for a Habitat for Humanity build in Madagascar the other day. I decided that it was a little extreme to take off running before I can really walk. I need to do a Habitat build around here before I go galavanting around the globe. I'm also fairly certain that my parents would not be thrilled if I did that. Maybe I should just sign up for the Peace Corps and be done with it. Anyway, yesterday, I went to a volunteer orientation for this non-profit called 826DC. It's basically an after-school tutoring program. I don't have tons of time to donate but I'm super interested in doing it! They have a Tuesday Night Tutoring program for high school students and they need language tutors in for French. That shit has my name all over it. The only problem is that I have a pass a DC public schools background check, having a DUI on your record fucks shit up. That would be the only reason as to why I wouldn't pass. I'm going to fill out the application tomorrow when I get to work. Wish me luck.

I used my phone GPS to get down to the 826DC office yesterday morning. The orientation was at 10 and the GPS said that it would take 40 minutes, I don't think it took into account that it was rushhour and I can't find my way out of a paper bag. I managed to make it there with plenty of time of time to spare and I didn't even get lost. I'm growing up guys! I also found a parking spot on the street right around the corner from the building. If you've ever driven into DC on a weekday morning, you know how hard it is to find street parking, let alone something close to where you need to go. Of course, something super bad was going to happen to me after all that good fortune. I sat in the car and talked to my mom for a little bit, put on my mascara, twiddled my thumbs...my car was on the whole time because it was hot and I didn't want to sweat. I finally got out of the car and started walking across the street. I turned around to lock the doors and saw some homeless guy pissing on my car. Really dude?!? I was just in the car and the car was running. I guess I caught him off guard because he pissed on his leg a little bit. I didn't even know what to say or do so I just walked away. It was way too early for those kinds of shenanigans.

I've been feeling super crafty lately, Pinterest might have something to do with that. Stupid website. I used to make jewelry with my mom watch my mom make jewelry when I was younger. She was crafty too. I've been making Google my bitch today, I just bookmarked a buttload of sites about DIY jewelry making. Bet $10 that I start to make a necklace, get bored and never finish it. Story of my life. But all jokes aside, I'm going to put studs on my Chucks. I was a pair on  Pinterest and I fell in love. I found a bunch of websites that tell you how to do it, it's not complicated and it doesn't take long so my gnat-like attention span should be able to handle it. Pinterest will be blamed for all the projects that I start and don't finish; that website also sucks up so much of my freaking time. They really need to have a jewelry category.

I'm going to stuff my face with a burrito now but thanks for reading.

xoxo,
Me

Is there something more that I should be doing?!

For the people that, at one point, faithfully read my blog, I'm so sorry that I've sucked at life for the past couple of months. I don't even have a good explanation as to why I stopped writing; just know that I missed the shit out of this blog and the response that I got to it. I can assure you that I'm back for good AND I have an iPhone with the Blogger app so I can blog from anywhere in the world!! (insert snarky remarks about my inability to blog when it's conveniently located on my phone, which might as well be my right hand)

My life is in shambles, per the usual shit that I get myself into. I have come to point where I have no clue what I'm doing with my life, I'm pretty sure I'm having a quarter-life crisis. Before I turned 25, I was quite content to meander through life not having a clue about what I was doing. Now, I'm getting restless and I feel like I should be doing something more. Meh. 

Things that have happened since my last post:

• I met a boy. At first he was great but now he really blows the shit out of me and I can't seem to man up enough to tell him to kick rocks. 
• I went to Ocean City for Memorial Day weekend and survived this 

Seacrets, Ocean City MD

• I got a birthday tattoo, a little present to myself for making it through 25 years without any major problems. It just happened that the tattoo was a gun, on the inside of my bicep because bitches love tickets to the gun show. Finally showed it to my mom, she started crying and told me that it was the equivalent of Mike Tyson's face tattoo and I would never get a real job. She tends to overreact, a lot.
• I've come to realize that it's time for me to distance myself from Bethesda and it's god-awful bar scene. That decision was made when I caught some girls talking shit about me in the bathroom. Mind you, I didn't know these girls from Adam & Eve. According to the lovely ladies, I was having an affair with the married GM of the bar we were in. I waited politely for them to finish snorting their drugs and come out of the handicap stall. I politely introduced myself and asked them to tell me more about my life. Obviously, I had no clue what was going on in my life because I didn't know that I was having an affair with the GM. I'm pretty sure they wanted to melt into the floor. I proceeded to give them a piece of my mind. My mother didn't raise me with questionable morals and there are lines that I refuse to cross because it's just not right (i.e. marriage & people with significant others). The Bethesda bar scene is the most incestuous place I have ever seen and even though everyone is over the age of 21, they all act like they're 16. It's time to venture out in search of a new environment where people can actually act their age. 
• I started going to the gym on a regular basis. Lately, people have been telling me that I look great and they ask me if I've lost weight. Thank you but I haven't lost weight, I just work out more and continue to eat like a horse. They're positive that I've lost weight. Tell me, was I fat before?!

That's all I've got for now but I promise to post way more often than I have been. 

xoxo, 

Me

A year ago...

A year ago today, I started my blog again and this was my first post...

It's been awhile and after much deliberation, I've decided that I'm back for good. I'm not quite sure what exactly I'm going to blog about but I'm sure I'll figure it out as I go.

In other news, today is Valentine's Day...or Singles' Awareness Day, depending on your situation. I will fully admit that I'm single and I love it (for the most part). There are some very rare moments of weakness where I wished that I had someone to cuddle with but we can't all get what we want. When I hear all the drama from my friends about their boyfriends/girlfriends, it really makes me wonder why some people would even bother. Do the pros really outweigh the cons when you're in such an unhappy relationship? Or is it that you are afraid to be alone so that's why you've allowed yourself to get stuck in a shitty situation? Either way, I'm happy that I'm single. I have the freedom to date who and when I want (provided that someone catches my attention). I have, however, decided that for the rest of the semester, I will be completely celibate and unattached. I'm going to run train on school and work. I will own them and make both of them my bitch because it's time that I finally do so. 

If you live in the DC metropolitan area and you went outside today, you're thanking your lucky stars that Mother Nature has come to her sense about this weather thing. 60 degrees and above from now on, thanks in advance. 

However you celebrate February 14th, I hope you do it well and have a wonderful day.

Sometimes, I really have no clue what I'm blogging about but at the end of the day, whatever I'm writing about makes sense to me. A year ago, I had such high hopes for my little blog, I wanted to be "known" for it. But given the sometimes mean things that I've written about people, I should keep this thing our little secret. In the past year, I've been stalked by a crazy Arab man that tried to bribe me into dating him with money and I'm fairly certain that he wanted to incorporate me into his harem. I feel bad for those women because he's one hairy man. In the past year, I spent time with (for lack of a better term) a guy that I refused to date because there were so many things wrong with him. In the past year, I've slept with a guy with one testicle and then proceeded to take a pregnancy test (not my finest moment, shit happens). In the past year, I've made new friends and lost old ones. In the past year, I've done my best to make everyone happy but that shit's tiring as fuck and I don't want to do it anymore. I've come to the conclusion that a year ago, I had completely unrealistic visions of myself and where I wanted to be in life and what I wanted to be doing. I can't pop out the womb and start running, that's craziness. You've gotta crawl before you ball.

I don't know if it's because it's Valentine's Day and love has been in the air lately but random people have been talking to me lately. Fingerbang came up to me the other day while we were at a bar and actually hugged me. I was so caught off guard that I just stood there with my arms at my sides. I didn't know what to do! Then she proceeded to have a conversation with me, I don't even know what this bitch was talking about. Heard through the grapevine that she wants to be friends again because she misses me. Things that are awkward: we weren't really friends to begin with. Lrog called me today and wanted to talk, talk as if we hadn't even stopped talking. WTF? I haven't talked to you in months and I legit have no clue what's going on in your life, what the hell do we talk about?!? Whatever. I told her I'd be out in Bethesda after my date tonight (yes, I have a date, on Valentine's Day...more details to come). I have to shower and get my life together for this dude and manage to not be late...things that probably won't happen: all of the above. I'm probably going to wear sweats. I keep that shit real classy!

On a serious note though, squeeze the people that you love the most a little harder today. When they ask why you did it, say "just because". Enjoy your day and eat all the chocolate that you can. I've got my fat kid stash of valentine's candy in the car, rush hour won't be as bad in the morning. 

Womp

That's the best title I could come up with and I'm sticking to it. It's 645 on a Friday night and I'm still in the office but this is honestly the quietest place where I can get stuff done. My blogging skills have been non-existent lately, I've been so busy with work and life that I legit barely have enough energy to make it past my living room and into my bedroom sometimes. I'd just like to point out that it's only the second week in February and I've already had enough drama to last me the next six months. You guys probably don't know this but Bethesda is a very small place. Everyone knows someone is some way, shape or form. People are usually known by first and last name because everyone's friends on Facebook. It's such a small town that it's "affectionately" known as Bethesda High School; you do something on a Friday night, you wake up Saturday morning and whatever you did the night before is being whispered in everyone's ears. It was only a matter of time before word got back me. Let's just clear this up, I'm not sleeping with Ali Baba. I dated his best friend, the Corporal. I'm not down with pulling an LRog move and sleeping with an entire group of friends. I am 24 years old, I'm quite capable of having a friendship with a guy and not sleep with him. And the rumors of me doing blow in the parking garage behind Relic? Totally not original. LRog, you're so silly to think that I don't remember that night from many years ago when I caught you doing the very thing you are accusing me of doing.  If you're going to lie about me, at least be creative because your boring lies really don't do my personality any justice.

Ladies, thank you very much for continuing to spread rumors about me. I especially love when stupid people question me about whether or not the stories are true, as if I was urban legend. The mere fact that you're talking about me, whether good or bad, has put a little extra pep in my step. I would sincerely like to thank you for huddling in the corners of bars and talking about me, you are unknowingly giving me the run of the bar. If you're going to talk about me and spread lies about me, at least be creative and use your imagination. Your boring and recycled lies really don't do my personality any justice. Last but not least, thank you for letting me know that I'm still on your mind. That makes me smile. Just remember that sometimes, karma saves the best for last. 

Anyway, I no longer work at The Box Bar & Grill, where the girls are sexy and the wings are sexier. That's their slogan, what does that even mean?! I don't want sexy wings, I want delicious wings. I'm not going to lie, I had so much fun working there but fun doesn't pay my bills. And I kinda like wearing clothes when I work. It's funny how now, I kinda miss wearing the Under Armor shorts. At least I kept mine. In other news, I work at a sushi restaurant now. I'm a server AND a bartender (cue the Jeffersons's theme song now). I'm doing big things now! As much as I hate working in the service industry, I've always wanted to be a bartender. I have amazing friends that didn't like me working at the Box so they took it upon themselves to find me another job. My boss, Mo, is actually someone I've known for a couple of years just from going to a certain hole in the wall bar. He would always go there with the bartender from Tommy Joe's, who coincidentally enough used to date LRog (that's how I met her). Anyway, Mo told me that he was going to start me off serving and then transition me to bar training as soon as he could. He was good on his word and I've been training with him for the past couple of shifts. It's literally been wearing me out because I've been working my day job and then some nights I've been going in for training after. By the time I get home, it's well passed last call and I'm exhausted. I have my first official bar shift next Saturday night. I think Mo is crazy for throwing me to the wolves  like that, I don't think I'm ready but I'm going to do it and I'm going to run train on it. 

I'm tempted to go out tonight but I didn't get home until 430 this morning (that's a story for another night). I have big girl things to do tomorrow like get my taxes done and go to the gym. Womp. 

Letter that you'll never read

Dear Corporal,

When I first met you, I wanted you. I loved your attitude, your personality and the fact that you smelled amazing didn't hurt either. You were dating someone at the time but when I met her at your birthday party, I didn't like her. At that point, I made it my mission to step in and take her place. Mission accomplished. I loved going out with you and your friends. More importantly, I grew to love your friends as if they were my own and we had known each other for years. We all did so much together and it became a given that when they asked you to come out and chill that I would be right there with you. Everywhere I went in Bethesda, I became known as "your girl". People that knew me from before you and I got together even started calling me that. We got so many compliments because people thought we made a great couple. That always made things a little awkward because we had never really had "the talk" about what we were doing and all that good shit. It was obvious to everyone around that we cared about each other. I came over to bring you medicine when you were sick and I sat with you for hours. I took your temperature, I gave you dayquil/nyquil, I went out in a thunderstorm  (huge thing because I had just got my hair straightened the day before) to get you food because KFC doesn't deliver. I brought you red bull while you were being all Scruff McGruff and taking a bite out of crime. I brought you starbucks because you were too lazy and hungover to drive over there and get it yourself. We had fun, we laughed, we joked, we cuddled, we had sex...we had pointless conversations and we quoted Family Guy. Then everything changed overnight.

Nine months and 8 weeks ago, you got a girl pregnant. You made sure to tell me first before I had heard it from anyone else. You said that you thought the baby was yours but you weren't sure. I knew you and I was positive that the baby was in fact yours. You took a paternity test after the baby was born, just to be sure but we all already knew the answer. Having found out this information, most girls would have gone sprinting in the opposite direction. I didn't...hindsight is 20/20. You asked me to be patient and see how the situation played out. Obviously, things as we knew them would never go back to being the same for anyone involved in the situation. I was happy for you and I wanted to meet your baby, you said that I could. That all changed when the baby mama realized that you and I were dating. She hated me, she resented me for the sheer fact that I was standing in the way of her and a happy relationship with the father of her child. Newsflash bitch: he doesn't want to be with you. I had absolutely nothing against her. In fact, I admired her for going through a pregnancy and then giving birth to YOUR child all by herself. That shit can't be easy for anyone to do.

Things changed between us. Your best friend told me that I wasn't making enough of an effort to show that I cared so I tried harder to hang out with you and all that good shit. I was the only one trying. I was the only one that was showing that I cared and that kills me because the easiest way to get me to pursue you is to ignore me. Nothing pisses me off more. After awhile, I just stopped asking you if you wanted to hang out with me and I just started hanging out with my boys again. When I walked in the door of your apartment last night, things didn't even feel right. We sat on the couch and watched Family Guy, we half-heartedly cuddled. We finally got in the bed and that entire situation just felt awkward. I was on one side of the bed and you were on the other. I was awakened at 4 in the morning with this uncontrollable urge to get dressed and leave your apartment, never to return again. I had to pace in your living room for a good 20 minutes before I could calm down and get back in the bed. The entire time, you were snoring your little heart out.

I really care about you and we had a lot of fun together but this whole "relationship" has been so one-sided with me being the only one that's making an effort. Don't think for a second that I'm mad at you for having a baby and wanting to be a part of his life. I have so much respect for you for that reason. What I don't appreciate is that I'm not allowed to meet your baby at all because his mother won't allow me to. You say that you care about me and that I'm important to you so I really don't understand why I cannot sit down with the mother of your child and have an adult conversation with her. I'd like to meet her and get to know her because I know that she's important to you and you care about her as well. I'm not allowed to basically be around you and the baby yet you can go to Hooters and meet all of our friends and play pass the baby?!?    That hurts me more that you'll ever know. The worst part is that I've communicated my feelings to you on numerous occasions and you've done nothing about it. I could never hold a candle to her because she's the mother of your child and you will always have a special relationship. Does she even know that?

I don't know why I stuck around for so long after the fact. I don't know what I was waiting for or if I was even waiting for anything but I do know that this isn't a fun game anymore. I wish you the best of luck and I don't doubt that you'll make an amazing father.

I know you'll never read this letter but I just had to get it out before I break down and start crying about it...that's not cute and it'll mess up my eye make-up. Priorities, duh.

Eat Pray Love

Eat Pray Love has been sitting on my nightstand for months, literally. I'm surprised that Netflix didn't send me a reminder "Hey bitch, you have our movie. Watch it or send it back". I finally watched it last night. I think that I procrastinated watching it because I knew that I would have to be in the right mood. Last night was the perfect time to watch it because I was totally open to it. It definitely made me sit there and think about shit. 

I need to really love myself before I can love anyone else but how exactly do I do that? I like myself, is that not enough? 

Apparently, Italians have the science of doing absolutely nothing down pat. I'm jealous. I have two whole days off (craziest shit ever!) next week so I think that I'm going to sit around and try to do absolutely nothing. I don't know how well that's going to work out because I have a hard time doing nothing. Don't get me wrong, I can stay in bed for long periods of time because I'm either sleeping, reading or doing other things that require a bed. Don't think too hard about that one. Maybe I should go to Italy and learn dolce far niente, the sweetness of doing nothing. Maybe Daddy will fund that expedition, I won't hold my breath  for that one...

This could either be a stroke of laziness or just plain genuis

So I was just sitting here, catching up on my blog reading and I saw someone's video blog. I think that that's an amazing idea and I want to do. If I had a video blog, would you watch it? You should because I'm awesome. And if I actually did a video blog and you watched it, you would be able to see how truly, amazingly cool I am, duh. First order of business, learn howto use my webcam. I can it happening now, I'm going to take my laptop to the Geek Squad at Best Buy and I'm going to ask them to show me how to use it. They're probably going to think that I'm trying to have Skype sex with some dude. Not the case assholes! I'll let you know how that goes.

Once they show me how to use it, you guys should really get excited because I'm going to be posting video blogs!

Day 2 of not smoking...I'm still alive. I just had cold pizza and OJ for breakfast, now I want a cigarette. I never smoke in my apartment. On days when I stay in bed all day, I don't smoke because I always leave the pack in the car. That's non-lazy me looking out for lazy me, I've never craved a cigarette so badly that I will actually go out to my car and get one. That's just way too much work.

I'm glad that tomorrow is Friday but I'm not pleased that I have to work at the restaurant tonight. I'm lightly punching myself in the ovaries right now. As the time gets closer for me to clock in, the frequency and the intensity will increase.

Sometimes, I just need a sign that says "Fuck off"

Today is totally one of those days, I am so not in the mood to deal with anything or anyone. In fact, today  is that day that I will pray for anyone that decides to cross me...it will not end well for them. I just keep humming the theme song from the Sopranos. If anyone has watched the beginning of any episode, they'd see Tony driving down the highway while the song is playing in the background. I don't want to kill anyone at all, I just pretty much want to be left alone.

So anyway, the previous post that I wrote, completely disregard it. Mr. Southern Sexypants is a stupid, old, lame lame man. He said that Philly was too far (two hours) for us to go for the day. He said that since he works so hard and is so busy that he just likes to chill on weekends. Look douchecanoe, I'm not asking you to run there. I'm asking you to ride shotgun in my car while we drive there. Womp womp. Yeah I get that you're a busy person and all that good shit but here's the deal: I work two jobs and I'm in school. Newsflash: I'm busy too. He basically had this holier than thou attitude about the whole situation so I broke it down for him. I definitely fired off some feisty texts because I could sense his attitude and I definitely wasn't feeling it. Trust and believe that I let him know real quick that he needed to back up the bus with his attitude. For some reason, he assumed that I was trying to be his girlfriend. When I read that text, I actually laughed out loud. I probably wouldn't know what a relationship looked like if it hit me in the face. Yes he is amazing and yes I would love to get to know him better but not once did I express interest in being his girlfriend. For the record, I expressed hypothetical interest in having his babies but that doesn't mean that I want him to stick around afterwards. Long story short, we go back and forth about this, that and the other; I told him to let me know when he wanted to hang out because I wasn't going to sit around and wait for his ass to pay attention to me. He asked me if I wanted to hang out last night, I promptly vetoed that because I called out of work (I've got an asthma attack, fever thing going on right now) and quite frankly, I didn't want to be bothered with other people.  He asked me if I was mad at him for not wanting to go to Philly blah blah blah. No I'm not mad at you, I just think that you gave me the lamest excuse ever. And you're essentially preventing me from eating delicious cheesesteaks at Geno's!

Anyway, Lrog and I are doing dinner and a movie tonight. That will inevitably turn into a boy bashing event because we're pretty much fed up with all of the ones that we have in our lives. We agreed that we wouldn't go out in Bethesda tonight and there would also be no boys allowed. There's a problem with that second condition though, boys tend to flock to us. I'm not even kidding. Separately, we do just fine but together it's insane. Neither of us is quite sure how or why it happens. Either way, Lrog is definitely my partner in crime and I love her from the bottom of my heart.

In other "screw everyone" news, I essentially broke up with my friend Bruno. Normally, I would have a blog name for him but at this point, I don't give two shits. I went to middle school with this kid and we've been friends for a long time. I love him to death, I really do but sometimes, he's just too much to handle. We had some friends in town, people that we had gone to middle school with so we decided to go out. Let me give you a little background information, we all speak French so we usually talk shit about people in French when we're out in public. I do it discreetly and make sure my body language doesn't convey complete disgust for whoever I'm talking about. Bruno, on the other hand, will say shit to people as they walk by and he says it so aggressively that they automatically know that he's talking about them. The last time we went out, it was so out of control that I had to keep apologizing for his behavior. We went to my favorite sushi place because they have a late night menu and I, of course, was starving. We almost had to go somewhere else because Bruno was a dickhead to the bouncer. REALLY?! Let's be serious for a minute...I can do bad all by myself and I would really appreciate it if you would keep your shit together in a place that I come to on a regular basis. He was so out of line and was heckling the people that were walking by that we almost got kicked out, before I even got my food. I was livid. I asked him on multiple occasions to just shut the fuck up but that seemed to be hard for him to do. Another thing that he does that's not okay is that he actually leaves bruises on my body. He likes to leave handprints and bite marks. If we were sleeping together, I'd be kinda whatever about it but he hasn't stuck his ween in me so that shit's just not alright. That night, I basically told him to fuck off and he thought that I was kidding and that we would be hanging out a few days later. Not the case. He finally hit me up on Facebook chat earlier and asked me what the hell my problem was. Excuse me?! He wanted to know why I was ignoring him, I told him that it had something to do with the fact that he was a stupid fuck. We argued about it for a little bit and he tired to blame his behavior on the alcohol. That excuse doesn't fly with me because I know you've been drinking since you were 14 and you're 22 now. You know what I say to that shit...

I told him to go fuck himself and he told me to have a nice life. That's how the cookie crumbles.

I'm glad it's Friday. Lrog bailed for tonight because she forgot that she has to be at work early in the morning. That means that I'm going to run my errands on my way home from work and then I'm going to go home, put on my flannel pjs, open a beer and curl up on the couch with my laptop and Breaking Dawn. Don't judge me.



Disclaimer: The worst thing anyone can ever do to me is come between me and food. If you value your life, don't do it.

Things on my mind today

Blogger, I love you and I love your brilliant idea to give us a more streamlined layout. I nearly creamed myself when I saw it/played with it. I heart you.

Today's such a random day and my brain is pretty much fried but I just wanted to take the time to share with you some things that have been on my mind.

That is the saddest picture that I have ever seen in my fucking life. This family lived in on Albermarle Sound in Nags Head, NC. Those steps and pillars are all that's left of their house. Fucking Hurricane Irene, stupid fucking bitch.

Downtown New Brunswick NJ

This looks like a scene from some crazy movie. There are entire towns that have been turned into islands within VT because bridges have collapsed or been washed away. Pittsfiled, VT is now one of those in state islands. The people in the town weren't really worried, they had a freaking BBQ. How awesome is that shit?!? The town has a population of 427 people. I read the article on CNN this morning. They're driving around on ATVs because the roads are so bad. I love the fact that in a seriously shitty time, they're staying positive. They probably won't see this but people of Pittsfield VT, I think you're fucking amazing!

In other news, some stupid fuck threw his son off of a moving boat. When I read the article on my crackberry this morning, I was half asleep. Naturally, it didn't click until I woke up. This man actually threw his child off of a moving tour boat, in a goddamn busy harbor. The guy was on the boat with his two sons and his girlfriend. He said that he was just horsing around. How stupid are you, mister? There were 85 people on that boat that could vouch for your horrible parenting skills. Do you honestly think that the mother of your children is going to allow you anymore visitation rights?! If she has any brain cells, she won't. His mug shot has been released and posted on CNN.com. I hope karma gets him back for jeopardizing his child's llife. 

That brings me to my next issue. This man is also a horrible father. He apparently organized a fight for his son and some other kid. The other kid showed up at the house and I guess he started mouthing off ; the dad didn't like it so HE decides to beat the shit out of the kid himself. I will warn you that the video is shocking and appalling. There are clearly other people in that background and someone is taping the fight but no one cares to stop the adult from beating up the child?!? What the fuck is wrong with these people?! These two stupid fucks are going on the shitty parent list but Casey Anthony will still be number one. She's a stupid bitch. 

I cannot singing this song, soon you'll be singing it too. It's okay, you can thank me later...

Here's what really happened

**This is an addendum to the previous post

I was angry when I said those things to you but more importantly, my feelings were hurt. I knew that I cared about you way more than you cared about me. I wasn't quite sure how to deal with that so I denied it for the longest time. At times, I even felt like I wasn't good enough for you. When I talked to you on Thursday, I said everything out of spite and mildly lashed out because you were on my shit list and I wasn't even sure that I wanted to stay friends with you at all. When I got off work and went to the restaurant last night, I saw you sitting at the bar. My heart sank because I knew that I had hurt you and made you angry. That was never my intention; I was just trying to make you understand that I wasn't pleased with you. As usual, I fucked shit up and spoke with anger. Some of what I said was true. When I make plans that I try to include you in, I half expect them to not go as planned because something always comes up in your life. Not once have you ever actually come out and said that you didn't want to do anything that I had planned. For me, you not being able to follow thru at the last minute was equivalent to you saying "fuck off". My only intention was for us to do something fun, together. Maybe that was "our" downfall. When you left the restaurant after our conversation the other day, I vowed that I would not be the first person to make contact with the other.

I needed a favor last night and you were the only one that I trusted enough to help me. I was trying to swallow my pride and mentally prepare myself to grovel at your feet, all while asking for help. I turned around and started walking towards you a good three times, people must have thought that I was crazy because I kept turning around and going in the opposite direction. When I finally decided to let my sac drop, I turned around to go inside and talk to you but you were already walking towards me. It was so awkward that we might as well have been 6th graders with crushes on each other. I asked you to help me and said that I would totally understand if you said no, given the way I acted towards you. To my surprise, you agreed to help me. I was shocked. That just further reinforces how much of a bitch I am. I was mean to you and you were still willing to help me out. On the ride up to the tow lot, there was an awkward silence that I really wanted to fill with conversation but you knew that I would be forcing it so I just left it alone. I was on the verge of tears because I knew that I had driven a wedge in our friendship.

 I eventually came to terms with the fact that we'll never actually be "together" but it kills me to think that I fucked up our entire friendship because I was being a moody bitch. Every time I see you, I can't help but smile because you just have that effect. For what it's worth, I like having you in my life...in whatever form that may be. 

I should have known better

This is another letter to someone that will never read it, that's his loss.

We met a little less than a year ago. You came into the restaurant with some of my boys and sat in my section. I had seen you working at the dealership so I was immediately a lot nicer to you than I would be to a "random" table. I kept telling the guys that you were cute and that I wanted them to bring you in, they finally came thru for me. You were so cute when you asked me for a beer, I served it to you knowing full well that you weren't quite 21. Our first conversation was about belly button fucking. By the end of that, I was laughing so hard that I was crying. You were funny, you carried yourself well and I was smitten at first glance. I should have known that it was too good to be true.

You came back a few days later to sit in my section and I didn't have any other tables so I sat down with you. We talked about random shit and you kept me laughing. My cheeks had started hurting from laughing and smiling; it was just so easy with you. You asked me for my number while I was in the process of giving it to you. You smiled at me and brushed the hair out of my eyes. We had made plans to hang out that Friday night when I got off work. We stayed at the restaurant and drank because it was the only place that would serve you. Neither of us wanted the night to end so we went to the Diner and got grilled cheese sandwiches with bacon. We stayed there for hours just bullshitting and laughing. I finally took you back to your car and we sat, parked in the driveway, for another two hours. There was so much sexual tension, we could both feel it. We hadn't even done anything but the windows were already fogging up. I told you that I had to leave because I had to be back at the restaurant in 4 hours to help prepare for the street festival that we were participating in. You came around to my side of the car and you brushed a strand of hair behind my ear and asked if you could kiss me. My heart legitimately skipped a beat. You kissed me and it took my breath away, literally. I wasn't expecting such a seriously intense kiss from a guy your age.

You came to the festival and hung out. You met my dad because he just so happened to come by, you had an actual responsible adult conversation. He liked you. We made plans to hang out later that night after I went home and took a nap. I got to your place and we watched movies and cuddled. It was weird but I liked it. I liked hanging out with you, we always had a good time. You took me to your mom's birthday party and I met your family. I fell in love with them. To all the guys at the dealership, we were a pair. We acted like we were together, we didn't make plans without consulting the other person first.

And then things changed. I think that we got too close, too fast and it freaked you out. I was the only one that didn't have a problem with it. I was smitten and I did things for you that I never do for guys. I knew how much you wanted to go see Mac Miller in December but you had waited too late and the tickets were sold out. I found you $200 tickets (before they sold out, the tickets were $15) to a concert that I didn't even want to go to. I gave you the tickets as a Christmas present and told you to go with one of your boys. What did I get in return? An orgasm. I shouldn't have gotten you the tickets. I shouldn't have cleared my entire schedule for you on the day before Thanksgiving. You wanted a fucking philly cheesesteak from Geno's. You bitched and moaned about it the entire day before that I decided that I would drive you to Philly in a fuck ton of holiday traffic so that you could get your damn cheesesteak and then pass out in the car on the way back. I would have gone through with it had you not started bleeding from your vag like a little bitch.

I changed my plans for you and I got nothing in return. All my friends knew who you were but in the entire time that we were doing whatever it was that we were doing, I only met one of your friends. I brought you Starbucks when you didn't have time to go get it  before school. I had the flu and asked you if you could drop off some Nyquil on your way home from work. I knew that it was out of your way but you just couldn't be bothered. You had a New Year's Eve party at your place and didn't bother to say anything to me until the day of. You said that I should have known that I was already invited. Silly me! In January, I spent weeks preparing for this huge event at work, an event that I was running on my own. Every time I worked late and couldn't hang out, all you did was bitch and moan about how I never spent enough time with you. When I would come over after work and I was dead tired, I would lay down in your bed and I could barely keep my eyes open. You got mad because you didn't invite me over to sleep. The day of the event came and went. I had stayed up for days stressing out about it and the day of, we had breakfast and you asked me nothing about it. When my current boss offered me the job back in September, I was so fucking excited about it. You were the first person I told, you were excited for me.

At the time, all the effort that I was putting into our "relationship" seemed normal. Hindsight is 20/20. I was putting in 85% and you were putting in the rest. It frustrated me up until yesterday. I would always make plans for us to do stuff, per your request, and then you would bail at the last minute; that was your MO. I'm ashamed to admit this but sometimes, I would sit by the phone and wait for you to call like you said you would. I was stupid  and I knew it but for some reason, I just couldn't let go. I don't know why it took me so long to figure it out and stop wasting my time. It could have been the fact that you were the first guy, in a long time, that I actually liked and that I could actually see myself. You did nothing but take advantage on me and the way I treated you; I never realized it at the time.

I had two tickets to the Skins Ravens game, they were 3rd row fucking seats. You and I had always talked about going to a game last season but never made it. When I got the tickets, I immediately thought of you. I only wanted to go with you because I knew that we would have an amazing time. I asked you to go with me at the beginning of the week and you were so excited, we immediately started talking shit because we both root for different teams (you're stupid enough to be a Skins fan). In the back of my mind, I knew that you were going to bail at the last minute. Instead of waiting around for it to happen, I made plans for someone else to come with me. As predicted, you bailed on me the day before the game. I thanked you for being predictable. You actually had the never to get mad at me. You stupid fool. For once, I planned ahead so that I wouldn't be left high and dry for something that I really wanted to do. Seriously, they're third row seats!! If you can't get your shit together enough to be able to come to a damn football game with me for third row seats, I really don't know what the fuck is wrong with you. You came in to order lunch from me and you asked me why I was mad at you. I explained that I wasn't the slightest bit mad at you, I was mad at myself for still holding out hope for you...hope that maybe one day, you would come keep your word. After that conversation, I stopped hoping.

A little less than a year after I met you, thanks for finally putting things into perspective for me...better late than never.

Do things always work out in the end?

** This post was started on Saturday night but I fell asleep crying and never got a chance to finish it. My date details will have to wait because I need to get this off my chest.  

 After spending quality time with Big Poppa the other night, I went to pick up Murda (my brother's best friend). I wasn't really in the mood to get crazy but every time I go out with him, I always have fun. When I picked him up, I was half expecting him to be wasted, per his usual state. He was coherent and totally fine. Based on that and the fact that the moon was almost full (I totally believe in that shit), I should have known that last night was going to be a weird night.

We get to Tommy Joe's and it was pretty dead. A bunch of people are wearing their Skins jerseys because the game was last night. In a crowd of people, I happen to see a familiar hat and jersey. I knew that there could only be one person in the world that would wear a raggedy ass Steelers hat and jersey combo to the bar. Sure enough, it was my friend LB. At one point, the word "friend" didn't even do him justice because he was so much more than that; we were so close but never dating. We were, at one point, sleeping together but that never changed anything for us. We both knew that if we happened to find someone else, we could tell each other that and things would still be fine. I made the mistake of falling for him and I knew that it would lead nowhere. He and I both know that when we were ready to settle down, it could totally be with each other. That's how close we were. And then he started hooking up with D. When he told me about her, there was something about her that I wasn't too fond of but I couldn't quite pinpoint it. It had nothing to do with the fact that he was hooking up with her and not me. She was 19 or 20 at the time, LB was 24; he liked them young because he liked to go out and flirt with every girl in a five mile radius of wherever he was standing and he didn't want his girl to get in the way of that. He and I used to go out all the time, he would flirt with girls and I would flirt with guys; we were the perfect team. On a very crucial day last year, he was so worried and so stressed out. I finally pulled it out of him. D had mentioned that she really wanted a Cartier watch for Christmas. LB, the fool that he is, bought her the damn watch and then struggled to make ends meet with other things in life because he wanted her to be happy. I'm all for making your partner happy and whatnot but there's a limit; they weren't even official at that point. She was just shacking up at his place because it beat living with her parents. She didn't have a job, she wasn't paying rent, she wasn't even doing anything while he was at work during the day. She was living the life and she knew that it wouldn't get any better than that. I asked him to be careful with her and use a condom at all times. Then he told me that he found out that she had stopped taking her birth control because he saw it in the trash. Not once did she tell him, not once did she consult him about it either; she should have done so because they were having unprotected sex. She was trying to get pregnant on purpose. I left the bar and knew that the next time I saw him, he was going to tell me that she was expecting. The next time I saw him, the first words out of his mouth were "you were right". He didn't want to admit to me that he was starting to realize that she was crazy and he didn't have to. I could see it in his eyes. It killed me because I knew that I could never do anything about the situation. Life got in the way and we sort out fell out of touch for a little bit. A few months later, I got a text from him "tommy joe's, 20 minutes". I was already standing at the bar when he sent it, someone we had missed each other at the door. We were sitting there, shooting the shit when he pulls out a ring box and sets it down. "I picked it out by myself, I want to know what you think". There was hesitation in his eyes, he really wanted to know if I approved of the ring. I opened the box. It was the most beautiful ring I had ever seen. At that moment, I was so incredibly proud of him but for some reason, I was fighting back tears. I knew that we wouldn't be able to hang out anymore because for once in his life, he was trying to do things the right way. He was going to marry her because that's what she wanted. They had a small  courthouse ceremony and a baby shower/BBQ. I wasn't invited to either one and I knew that it was for the best.

When I saw him last night, we talked about everything and nothing. We didn't know how to act around each other anymore; it was like we were strangers yet we still knew everything about each other. He finally looked me dead in the face with this sad look in his eyes and said "Things shouldn't have turned out the way that they did. I should have listened to you and been more careful. It shouldn't have been her. It should have always been you. I always wanted it to be you." My heart damn near stopped beating. There was a very small part of me that had always wanted to hear him say that but now that he had, I was speechless. Before I could catch myself, a single fucking tear fell and he wiped it away. His hand caught the light when he moved it and we both looked down at the ring on his finger. I looked back up at him and then I walked away. There was nothing that I could do or say to make the situation better so there was no point in trying. I was in such a hurry to go back up to the bar and get a drink that I walked right into Goof. (I wrote this post  about him) He looked at me and knew something was wrong so he didn't argue when I gave him the look of death and told him to get the fuck out of my way. I was pounding shots at the bar when Murda walked up and asked me to slow down (that's a fist for him because he'll drink anyone under the table). I had just ordered another round of shots so I decided to bring a peace offering to Goof for being such a bitch. He was there with his girlfriend. I walked up to him and gave him the shot, no words were needed for my gesture.We talked for a few and his girlfriend stared me down the entire time. Not once did I introduce myself to her, it was rude but I really didn't care. She wasn't trying to introduce herself to me either. Goof and I had a civilized conversation and he managed not to say stupid shit. I was kind of impressed. I walked away with a smile on my face.

It seemed that wherever I went in the bar, I'd catch some guy checking me out. Murda caught a lot of it too. I don't know what had changed in the hour or so that we had been there but it was ridiculous. I was in the middle of a conversation with one of my girls and this guy came up to me, told me I was gorgeous and then walked away. Another guy, with a house arrest bracelet on his ankle (really dude, you're not even allowed to leave your house), wanted to buy me a drink. He was so cute too. I totally would have stood around and talked to him but that just wouldn't have gone anywhere because I'm still on probation, I can't be hanging out with people like that. What LB said to be seemed to have started the ball rolling again. I was "on fire" and I hadn't even done shit. Murda and I left the bar and went to Tastee Diner because that's the place to go after last call. We sat there and stuffed our faces with greasy sandwiches and he inhaled two bowls of mayo with his sandwich. We bullshitted about all the hot messes that were there and talked shit to each other. Then he got serious and told me that I should never settle for less than I deserve because he thinks I'm an amazing person and one day, the right guy will see that too.

What happens when the right guy's seen it but he's already married to someone else?


At that point in time, it didn't matter who was checking me out or who tried to get my number...I just wanted LB back. I wanted things to go back to the way they were before D came into the picture. I want my best friend back and I want this empty feeling to go away. Even when we didn't talk for weeks, I knew that we were still fine. Now, there's no fine; there's no "us". I think that's what hurts the most. 

"let us endeavor so to live that when we die even the undertaker will be sorry." mark twain

I was sitting in traffic the other and I started thinking. That was my first mistake. If I were to die today, what would people say at my funeral? I shuddered at that thought. They would probably bring up stories like that one time, some douche really pissed me off so I flattened his tires. I used a small, thin screwdriver to insert into the valve stems (the little tube that stick out of your tires, where you attach the air hose when filling your tires) and punctured them so that they wouldn't hold air anymore. I never wanted to hurt him. In truth, I wanted him to get hit by a firetruck going at breakneck speeds, but I never wanted to physically hurt him myself. I just really wanted to inconvenience him a little. Turns out that I inconvenienced him a lot. My partner-in-crime and I hide in the parking garage to see the look on his face, and the subsequent tantrum, when he saw his car. Watching that was better than sex. People would probably also bring up that one time that I "decorated" some guy's car with car paint (the kind that you used to write shit on people's windshields). That guy had also pissed me off so I had to let the world know that he had a very small penis, the kind that's not even worth dealing with. I wish I had taken a picture of my artwork. I literally drew small cocks on every window except for his front windshield. On the back windshield, I wrote "I have a small penis. Honk if you like that." If you've ever had anyone write on your windows with car paint, then you know how much of a pain in the ass it is to get it off. It was priceless. He was livid because his car was, and probably still is, his baby. It probably took him hours to get it off. He shouldn't have pissed me off. People might also bring up the numerous occasions where I have made girls cry. Seriously, it's not my fault that they're emotionally weak. I've also made men cry. I don't even know what to say about that...stop being a little bitch and let your sac drop. If you really want to cry, that's fine. Can you at least do it in a closet, with the door closed?

I'm sure that there would be people that would stand up for me when everyone else was talking trash. I have no idea what they would say but I'm sure someone would say something nice...right guys?!? I try to be nice to people but then they do stupid shit so I take it upon myself to act on karma's behalf and get them back. I should really change my behavior so that my tombstone doesn't read "She was a raging cunt. Good riddance."

What would people say at your funeral?

Why do these things happen to me?!

I forgot to change my alarm clock setting to Saturday and Sunday so consequently it didn't go off. I woke up at 9ish and I felt nice and rested. Something just didn't feel right; I looked at the clock and my hear sank. My alarm never went off so I just kept sleeping. I knew that there was no point in even trying to go to the training camp. I called my mom to let her know that I wasn't going, she was going to go with me. It takes her forever to get her life together so I knew that even if I had jumped in the shower and made it to her place, in Glen Burnie, she still wouldn't have been ready. I'm bummed that I missed it but whatever. I should have known that given the way my morning started, today was not going to go well. I showered, threw on some clothes and decided to get my day started since sleep was out of the question. 

My first stop was the gas station for gas and cigarettes. It's literally a block away from my apartment but I never walk there because I don't appreciate being whistled and honked at. That will cause people to get hurt. Once you honk or whistle at me, I cannot be held accountable for my actions. Anyway, I get to the gas station and I see this super racist guy that I've had an issue with before. I don't know if I blogged about this before. I happened to be pumping gas one day and I had my windows down and the music on. I'm not one of those obnoxious people that leaves their music turned up super loud; that only happens when the car is in gear. I was listening to this Reggaeton cd that I've had forever; as long as songs have a good beat, I will listen to them, This dude walks by and looks me up and down, he stared for a few seconds too long. I knew that if he came out and I was still there, he was going to try and talk to me. Please excuse my judgement... he didn't look like a typical redneck. He was a good looking older guy, maybe in his early 30s. Sure enough, he stopped by my car...

Guy: What part of Mexico are you from? 

Me: I gave him a confused look Um, I'm not Mexican. I'm from here. Why do you ask?

Guy: Do you speak Spanish?

Me: No. 

Guy: I'm confused as to why you're listening to spic music if you can't even understand what they're saying. 

Me: my jaw hit the floor Excuse me?!? (At this point, my palms were starting to sweat. That's a sign that the Hulk is about to come out and I'll just start fucking shit up.)

Guy: Did you not understand my statement?

Me: No sir, I understood everything you just said. I was just caught off guard by your blatant racism and your stupidity. 

He didn't like that so much. My hands were shaking at this point, I should have just gotten in the car and left but I couldn't just let this stupid man have the last word. He needed to be taught a lesson. Please keep in mind that I live in a predominantly Hispanic area; you will not hear any American music when you're driving down the street. It's a great area and it has a lot of character but if you're not careful, you'll get your ass fucked up. This guy was asking for an ass beating; as much as I wanted to, I wasn't going to be the one to give it to him. I left that honor for large Hispanic men that he will without a doubt offend. Anyway, this asshole proceeded to tell me about how he grew up in the area and he went to Gaithersburg HS, which is right down the street and it's also where I graduated from. He said that all his friends, the people that he had grown up with, moved further north to Frederick and Hagerstown because all the (insert racial slurs for Spanish and Black people) were moving in and they wanted to be in a whiter area. My jaw hit the floor again. This guy was cruising for a bruising. I told him that if he wasn't careful, he was going to get a machete to the throat and no one would ever find the rest of his body. 

Anyway today, I was listening to Outkast while I was pumping gas. This asshole came out of nowhere and was leaning against my car when I turned around. Talk about sending my heart into my throat, he sacred the shit out of me when I saw him. He was eating an apple. I wish I had taken a fucking picture of this douchebag just so that you guys can see how sinister this guy looked. He also had a crucial black eye; that pleased me greatly because I'm sure he fucking deserved it. He said that he was glad that I was listening to music that "you people should be listening to". I very nearly cocked back and fucked up the other side of his ugly mug. The audacity of this guy! I had to back away from him because he was close enough to knock me the fuck out after I ripped him a new one. The gas station attendant saw me, he wasn't quite sure what was going on but he could she that something was wrong so he comes outside and walks over to me. That's when he saw the guy standing there; they both immediately squared their shoulders like a fight was going to happen. The gas station attendant, bless his little heart got in front of me and asked the guy if their was a problem. Of course, the guy says no and that he was just having a friendly conversation. The station attendant laughs and tell him to get off the property before he calls the cops. Words were exchanged and then they started getting closer to each other, keep in mind that they were standing between my car and the gas pump so there wasn't a lot of space. I finally called the cops because they were both heated beyond reason and no one was going to back down. The cop that showed up, Officer Jimmy, was very crooked and he's also black. I've never seen a cop that was dirtier than him but I knew that in this case, he would fuck this asshole up. I met him at a bar around the corner from my place and we started talking, I had no idea that he was a cop. At then end of the night, he asked me if I wanted to take the party elsewhere. I declined because I was pretty wasted and he was much bigger and stronger than me, that situation probably wouldn't have ended well. He said that he had something that would sober me up, I was momentarily confused so he pulled out the cocaine so that I understood. Been there, done that and I refuse to go back. I said no thank you and ran home, literally. It wasn't until several encounters later that I realized that he was a cop, I was really disappointed in our law enforcement system. Anyway, Jimmy shows up and he already knew the crazy guy because he's had problems with him before. Since the guy hadn't really done anything but cause a disturbance, they asked him nicely to leave or he would be escorted off the property. Stupid man that he is, he started shouting racial slurs at Jimmy. Bad move. Jimmy took it and kept antagonizing him so that he would react; he reacted alright. He got so mad that Jimmy wasn't showing any sign of anger so he lunged. I was too busy watching the crazy guy/ hiding behind the gas station attendant that I didn't even notice that he had pulled out his taser. Jimmy shot the taser and then made contact with the guy, he promptly dropped to the ground and started convulsing. I'm pretty sure that Jimmy had turned up the voltage while the guy was being tased because his spasms were getting more intense by the minute. That's a mild case of police brutality but it's also self-defense because the guy lunged at him. 

I've never seen anyone get tased right in front of me like that. Even though he's an asshole and totally deserved, once he finally stopped convulsing, his body was incredibly still. I wasn't sure if he was breathing or not, I was totally ready to start doing CPR. I don't care how much of an asshole someone is, nobody dies on my watch. My hands were shaking because I was still so heated. The gas station attendant was still pissed and he wished that I hadn't called the cops so he could have fucked that guy up. At this point, I just wanted to go home, get in the bed in bed and pull the covers back over my head. I feel bad for the guy but honestly, that's what happens when you're a stupid, racist fuck. 

Here's to hoping that the rest of my day gets better!

Holy Hell!

Please blame Twilight for my lack of attention in the blogging world. Damn you vampires for being so entertaining. But seriously though, I had to take a break from the series before I started Breaking Dawn because it was honestly consuming my life. I came home from work on Monday night, plopped down on my couch and didn't move until about 330 in the morning because I refused to get up until I had finished Eclipse. Anyway, I spent a good majority of Tuesday catching up on my sleep because I was super tired for some reason. I'm not even trying to be sarcastic, I have no clue why I've been struggling to function for the passed couple of days.

I ended up going to a Nats game with my BBF and a bunch of people that she works with last night. That was an experience, to say the least. Let me explain myself. I met up with my Biff at her friend's house; there were a few people there that I recognized from going into the restaurant and there were a few people that I had heard of but never actually met. Farrah (I'm only using her real name because I don't give a shit at this point) was in the second category. Her reputation really does precede her. The first glimpse that I got of her and her outrageous personality was actually quite tame; looking back on it, that was only because we were at someone's house and that was a somewhat controlled environment. Before we left the house, Farrah had to go to the bathroom and put on her lipstick; it was fuchsia. I'm not going to sit around and judge anyone because I'm really in no position to do so. Please keep in mind that we're going to a baseball game. This is what this chick was wearing...

Farrah's the one in the middle

Again, I don't judge people but sometimes, I question their decisions. I had nothing but fucking questions last night. The shenanigans started before we even go to the metro; this bitch flashed some guy out of the sunroof of the car that she was riding in. She is in love with Lady Gaga. That's fine, you can do whatever the fuck you want but it really isn't necessary to scream the lyrics to her songs while we're waiting for the metro. It was 6:30 in the evening at this point; we were still in the middle of commuter rush hour.  People were staring at her as she was humping the air, while holding one leg up. Don't act like you don't know what I'm talking about, I'm pretty sure that that's a sex position that everyone is familiar with. There were families, with children, around us; parents were literally covering their children's eyes so they wouldn't see her in all her raunchy glory. It seemed that the more people stared, the more of a scene she caused because she wanted more people to look at her. My mother did not raise me to act like that in public and she certainly didn't allow me to have friends that acted that way in public. I was mildly cringing at that point but I still would have vouched for her had someone asked me to (don't ask me why, I do stupid shit sometimes).

I should have known that getting on the same metro car as everyone else was just a bad idea. My embarrassed was only just starting to surface that that point. Farrah was poledancing on the damn metro. Everyone was staring. The worst part was that not only were they staring at her but they were staring at us because we were essentially guilty by association. She was holding onto the overhead metro bar and pulling herself up so that she could wrap her legs around this guy's head and hump him face. I'm not kidding.  Pick your jaw up, it gets better. You saw what she was wearing in the picture, she was dressed as if she was going to work the corner at sundown. Who wears that in public, during the day, to a baseball game?!?! When she got bored of doing that, she would go back to poledancing. My BFF was getting mad because apparently Farrah wasn't doing it right so, of course, she had to show her how to do it correctly. Biffles executed the move properly but then proceeded to get crucial rug burn from the metro carpet. That's what you get for acting a fool, bitch! Don't even let me catch your ass doing that shit on the metro again because I will hurt you. It's trashy and should only be done at the strip club or in your basement. Anyway Farrah was talking to random men because apparently she has pretty crucial "daddy issues" and she just wanted to know what it felt like to be loved by a man. I don't care if your father has been porking you since you were 5, stop acting like a fucking whore in public! We had to switch trains in Chinatown to catch the connecting train to the stadium. (For those of you that aren't familiar with the DC metro rail system, Chinatown is a huge station where several different metro lines connect so it's always a clusterfuck). Farrah saw that as the perfect opportunity to cause another scene. She started screaming Lady Gaga lyrics again and then for the finale of one of her songs, she just fell out onto the dirty ass metro platform. Nobody really stopped what they were doing, nobody really cared. They just assumed that she was just some crazy bitch on drugs. Unfortunately, she was sober.

We finally make it to the stadium and a couple of us were plotting how to ditch her so that we could watch the game in peace. It didn't quite go as planned. We were standing in the ticket line and it was as if she had never heard of the term "verbal filter". She was talking about how she just wants to S some rando's D; there were children in the line. Parents were glaring at her yet again. We asked her nicely to tone it down because of the children and she went on tirade about how parents shouldn't shelter their children because they'll turn out fuck up when they get older blah blah blah. Farrah, it's not your fucking decision as to when someone else's child should stop being sheltered; that decision belongs to the parent, you can't force  the "real world" on them. My embarrassment was starting to reach its peak and I would have no longer vouched for her at this point.

Walking up to our seats was an adventure. She had to wave and smile at everyone man that looked in her direction. My protective instincts kicked in when I happen to glance behind me and saw people taking pictures of her as she walked away. i seriously had to suppress the urge to yank their phones out of their hands. I could feel my blood starting to boil because taking a picture of someone without their consent is  an invasion of privacy. Yes, I completely understand that she's dressed like a whore at a baseball game but still. The randoms and their picture taking totally bothered me. I will, however, die laughing if she ends up on this site in the "Hot Mess of the Day" category. Anyway, we finally make it to our seats and she was actually calm and composed for awhile. And then she got bored. My BFF moved down a row to get a baseball tutorial from this girl that went with us so Farrah moved up to sit next to me. We actually had a pretty civilized conversation about life and things like that. She's actually a nice person a once she stops all the crazy shit. The girl that was sitting a few feet away from us was a lesbian and she was talking about vags with somebody else that was in our group. Farrah agreed that they were gross. She starts going through her phone to look for pictures and then she shoved it in my face. It took me a few minutes to realize that it was a picture of her shaved vag. I'm just going to repeat that one more time. She showed me a picture of her shaved vag with her fingers in it. We have officially crossed the line into completely inappropriate. She has a 30 second attention span so when she heard the song that was playing, she got up and started giving somebody that was with us a lap dance, in front of a shit ton of fans. Security had to come over and tell her to take it down a notch because this was a family event.

I knew that we were ditching her and her "keeper" by the end of the night because there was no way that I was going to be seen with her any longer. Because Farrah's stockings/leggings left much to the imagination, she decided to change that. As we were walking to the metro after the game, along with THOUSANDS of other people, she decided that she was going to pull her shit down and let her ass hang out. It gets better...she was slapping her own ass and moaning while one of our friends was giving her a piggy back ride. That was where I decided to draw the line and refuse to be seen with her ever again. I don't know how the rest of her night went and I don't care what kind of other scenes she caused. Biffles and I walked to a bar ten blocks away and caught the metro from there.

So, how was your Tuesday night?!

This week just keeps getting better

So I was totally going to post last night but I closed at the restaurant and by the time I got home, I was so freaking tired that I barely made it into my bed before my eyelids just stopped opening. I had forgotten how physically draining it was to work doubles at restaurant, on top of working another job three days a week. I just keep telling myself that I'm there to make money so that it will be easier for me to buy new living room furniture. I couldn't possibly have gone back there at a worse time because the end of the summer in Bethesda is a dead zone for restaurants. Since it's a pretty affluent area, most people/families go on vacation at the end of the summer before school starts again. That means that all the people that would normally come in don't because they're out of town. All the servers are complaining about not making money blah blah blah, they just don't know how to work the tables that they actually do get. I will hustle the shit out of my tables because I'm not there to make chump change on a dinner shift. That's exactly what I did last night, I hustled the shit out of all my tables and then once the manager started cutting people, I took the majority of the incoming tables until I physically couldn't take anymore.

Everyone that I have ever worked in a restaurant with will tell you not to get on my bad side and if it looks like I'm having a bad day, stay far away. I can be a raging cunt to the staff but schmooze the shit out of my tables. There are some customers that are just rude, no matter how nice you are; they're just unhappy people and want to take that shit out on everyone. There are these two women that come into the restaurant, they're twins. They live in the neighborhood up the street and when we see them walking down the block to come in, we all call "not it" because they are god awful people. I have, never in my life, met women like this. I don't even know how to describe them to paint an accurate picture. I waited on them and a few of their friends last summer for a girls night they were having at the restaurant. They yelled at me, they were blatantly rude to me and then they expected me to walk to the Giant around the corner because they wanted something that wasn't on the menu. You've got to be kidding me, right? They were dead serious and they expected the restaurant to pay for it. Three words: not happening bitches. Waiting on them was such a horrible experience that it reduced me to tears and I'm not a cryer. I was in the kitchen bawling because they were so horrific. Marco, the dishwasher, kept giving me napkins so that I could blow my nose and wipe my eyes; he kept saying soothing things to me in Spanish. At the time, I assumed that he was telling me to stop crying but looking back on it, he was probably saying some nasty shit because he's a dirty old man. Anyway, those women are the ones that send food back to the kitchen because it doesn't taste right, they send drinks back to the bar because they don't taste the way they think the damn things should. They're pushy, they're rude and they expect everyone to cater to them. I don't give a flying fuck who you are, I will not bend over backwards to accommodate you when you're not even going to leave me a 10% tip.

I walked out on the patio last night and low and behold, these two bitches are sitting in my section. I hadn't even greeted them and they were already bitching. My heart sank. I really wanted to kill the hostess for giving me that table and all I was thinking about was how I could phrase it just right so that one of the other servers would take the table instead. I decided to suck it up and wait on them. Their check was well over $100 and it was mostly alcohol. After the first round of drinks, I just kept the martinis coming because I knew they were going to be there all night and they were walking home afterwards. They kept telling me how on point I was and how personable I was. They clearly didn't remember me from before so I just rolled with it. These bitches fucking loved me last night. They said that I had given them the best service that they had ever had there, I couldn't help but smile at that one because they had told me, when I waited on them before, that I was the worst server they had ever seen. They asked me all sorts of questions about my life and what I was doing with it blah blah blah; I answered every single one with a smile on my face. I told them that I worked for the Red Cross and what I was doing there. The scarier of the twins offered me a job. I'm sorry, come again? You want me to apply for the position and you'll go to HR and specifically request that they hire me? The job pays 49K a year. That's more than what I'm making now. I want that job and I want to make it my bitch. But then, this big, unfriendly, neon sign popped into my head: SCHOOL! Damn you college, you are the bane of my existence. I told her that I would only be able to work three days a week and she said that that wouldn't work out because the job really is full-time. I would have been working in sales and PR; they were adamant about me having the personality for it. It sucks balls that I can't take the job but whatever. I'm just happy that they fucking like me now. And it really doesn't hurt that they left me a 50% tip.

It's nice that all the summer internships are winding down. I probably haven't mentioned this before but I'm the volunteer coordinator responsible for all the internships in our region (8 counties in MD & VA) and I'm also responsible for recruiting volunteers for Montgomery and PG County. We're going through a re-org again because National HQ is taking over some of our departments, cutting our funding and completely eliminating positions. The organization has been a very unhappy place because people aren't sure if their jobs are in jeopardy. That's completely understandable. If NHQ was taking over my department, I'd be worried as fuck too. But since we're an 80% volunteer organization, they're not touching the Volunteer Engagement side (which is my department). Thanks guys, it's nice to know that I can safely stay on the island. The job has kept me busy since January because people were looking for summer internships and all that good shit. That's how it just happened to fall into my lap. We kept getting internship requests and no one to filed them to so my boss voted me as the person in charge. She didn't give two shits about me not having a college degree, she just knew that I would own the shit out of it. And what did I do with the job, I made it my bitch. I, along with the heads of various departments, selected 9 fucking amazing interns that we really couldn't be more pleased with.  We held a going away party for them today because some of them are leaving next week. I basically did the planning, the donation soliciting (because NHQ cut our budget so we didn't even have the money for it), the supplies gathering, the set-up and the clean-up alone. My boss was supposed to help me out with some of the execution but per the usual, she was nowhere in sight in my time of need. I'll keep my thoughts about her to myself, it's safer that way. Since it's been so hot lately, we decided that it would be a good idea to have an ice cream social. I think that today was the first time that all the interns had been in one room all at the same time. It was nice to sit back and watch them interact with each other. It made me realize that they think I'm a lot older than I really am just because of the way I carry myself and they way I interact with people at work. Hearing them and watching them, they reminded me a lot of the way I interact with my friends. It was really nice to see that they all got along and that they could fuck with each other like old friends. Of course, I had to give a speech because I was the one responsible for placing them. To my surprise, the head of my department also gave a little one. She was so pleased with all the interns and everything that they have done for us this summer but she's also heard great things from them about me. She said that they loved the fact that I was so easily accessible and that they knew they could turn to me should they have any problems. They also liked the fact that I was easy to talk to. I've never been responsible for an internship program before and I really didn't know how to go about it. It was a trial and error process and definitely a learning experience; I wouldn't have traded it for anything. I honestly cannot stress enough how amazing my interns are and it's experiences like that that make my job so worthwhile.

In other news, a very wonderful thing popped up on my Facebook newsfeed today. The Ravens are opening their training camp to fan next Saturday. I read the post while I was sitting in bumper to bumper traffic on my way home from work. I got so excited that I nearly rear-ended the car in front of me. I am totally in there like swimwear. I'm totally wearing my Ray Rice jersey because I'm cool like that. He probably won't even remember me from Memorial Day, his loss. Maybe I can get player autographs or pictures with them. None of my friends are Ravens fan so I don't really have anyone to go with. They're all Skins fans because they're stupid or they're Cowboys fans because they just don't know any better.

Is it the weekend yet? I really want to sleep in!

Everything happens for a reason

Me and the coolest dad I know

I'm currently blogging this post from my dad's hospital room.  I hate hospitals with a passion but as long as he's in here, there's no place I'd rather be. He called me around noon on saturday saying that he had locked himself out of the house and he needed me to drive him to the hospital. He said that he would explain everything when I got there. You can't tell me that you need to drive you to the hospital and you'll explain everything while we're on the way there. The dramatic person that I am, I started imagining the worst things ever. He wasn't feeling well. He had pain in his left side and was having a heart attack on the floor in his garage, alone. That thought alone sent tears streaming down my face. I floored it down the highway, pushed my car to the limit to the point where had I crashed, I would have died on impact. Smart, right?  Of course. I make it to my dad's house in half the time it usually takes me, my eyes were bloodshot from crying. My dad knew not to ask me how fast I was going. He immediately reassured me that he felt fine but that he was having vision problems. He was driving home from the golf course and he lost partial vision in his right eye. He was slightly concerned about that so he went on WebMD and looked up the symptoms. He was confused about the results that popped up so he called his eye doctor. The doctor told him to get to Washington Hospital Center as soon as possible so that one of the residents could see him, just a precaution. He was sitting in the ER so that they could check his vitals and run some vision tests. Turns out that some plaque from his arteries lodged itself in his optic nerve. That was what was causing his vision loss. That's the equivalent of him having a stroke in his eye. Because of that, he has a higher risk of having a stroke in his brain, which could cause paralysis. When the ER docs came in and told him that, he was putting on his shoes and was about to try and walk out. He felt fine and he looked fine. They said that they didn't feel comfortable signing him out against medical advice. He didn't give a shit. He took my car keys and started walking to the exit. I had to reach deep down inside of me to pull out my Sheniqua-side. I caused a scene in the freaking ER just to get him to listen to me. I refused to let him walk out of the ER when he's at risk of having a stroke in his brain. He seriously thought that I was just going to take him home after founding out all that information. I fucking refused to put him in danger like that. The scene was so bad that 2 security guards came and asked me to calm down because I was worrying the other people in the ER. I'm in the middle of a life or death conversation with my dad right now so go fuck yourselves. Daddy finally agreed to stay because he realized that this was a serious situation and that he could drop dead by the end of the night.

I love my parents more than anything in this world. I know that one day, they'll no longer be around and that fact kills me. Who am I going to call when I'm looking for my car on the wrong floor of the parking garage? Daddy always calms me down and starts laughing because I always assume that someone stole it. He tells that I'm probably on the wrong floor, I assure him that I'm not. Then in the end, I realize that I really am. Who am I going to call when I'm can't figure out how to use a kitchen appliance? My mom always says that she worries about me when I call her with questions like that. Who's going to tell me when daylight savings starts and when daylight savings ends? Who's going to give me parental hugs when I'm having a shitty day and assume my life is over? I can't live without them and as far as I'm concerned right now, they're immortal. Don't judge me!

I went to daddy's last night to get him some clothes and basic things to get him through the weekend. They put him in the stroke ward as a precaution so that they could monitor him and all that good shit. I tried to make things as comfortable for him as possible because he hates sitting around and doing nothing. He made me bring him his iPad, his Kindle and his iPhone because he can never have too many gadgets.  The doctors and nurses wouldn't let me stay the night last night and I threw a fit. My mom was here and she called me down. My dad assured me that everything was going to be fine and that he would make it thru the night. My mom was the only one that understood why I refused to leave him. When my grandpa was in the hospital right before he died, the doctors told my mother to send me home because I was too young to really understand what was going on. I must have been 7 or 8. I didn't have a good feeling about the situation but I was too young to put my foot down and be taking seriously. My dad took me home. When I went back to the hospital the next day with him, my grandpa was already gone. He had died in the middle of the night. I had stayed there for a week with my mom and I fell asleep right next to his bed every night, holding his hand. The one night I wasn't there, he died. I know that I wasn't responsible for it but it still didn't sit well. I really didn't want to leave my dad here alone last night because I feared the worst. I barely slept last night because I kept thinking horrible things were happening and no one was letting me know.

I came back bright and early this morning because I couldn't stand it anymore. He was fine. He laughed when I walked in and already had tears in my eyes. He knew that I hadn't slept well and he even offered me the bed so that I could take a nap. I've spent well over 12 hours here in this room with him and there's no place I'd rather be. He watched the World Cup game, nature shows and America's funniest Home Videos. Somewhere in between, he started snoring with his mouth open per his usual sleeping style. I just looked at him and smiled because I love him so much. With that thought, I know that everything is going to be okay.