I've got 3 more weeks left in the semester. Instead of being outside and playing on this wonderful Saturday afternoon, I'm at home, attempting to do homework and getting ready for finals. I just want the next three weeks to be over so that I can play and take quality time to focus on me.
I've been doing a lot of thinking lately (usually, that's a dangerous thing!). Given my recent unfortunate experience with a slightly crazy man, I've decided to take time off from guys and really focus on ME, as a person. Ever since I was 16, there has always been a guy in my life in some way, shape or form. I don't think I've ever really been truly single. At 23 years old, I've decided that it's about damn time for that to happen. Now let's not get crazy, I'm not putting a time limit on this inward-focusing...I'm not so great with rules or limits, I tend to break them or just completely disregard them. All I really want to do is spend some quality time focusing on who I am as a person and who I want to be/where I want to be in life. That's all going to start with getting a personal trainer. I told my best friend that and she laughed at me. I tend to avoid the gym at all cost because it's dirty, it smells and there are lots of germs. Believe me, I'm not a germaphobe; I just don't like places where masses of sweaty people congregate and get even sweatier. I don't work out and I don't exercise. I eat everything in sight because I'm always hungry and I have a really fast metabolism. I think I'm healthy, as healthy as a smoker can be (me quitting only lasted a week!), but I'd like to be physically in better shape. When I finally meet up with this guy, he's probably going to do an initial test to see what I can do and then tell me that I'm in horrible shape. Then he's going to kick my ass with some crazy workout and I'm going to love it. I like staying active by walking a lot, taking the stairs instead of the elevator when I can...little things like that. I'm actually kind of excited to start working out!
While focusing on my physical self, I'm going to take time to reevaluate the choices that I've made and the things that I believe in. I don't regret anything I've ever done because sitting back and regretting isn't going to change anything. I've learned from all my experiences and I've learned that there are things that I never want to do again. You learn from your mistakes and you learn as you get older. Needless to say, I've still got a lot of learning to do.
I want to finally start reading all the books that are in a pile next to my bed. The pile used to be 3 books, now it's 14. I want to spend entire weekends in bed, reading. Better yet, I want to spend entire weekends at the beach, reading.
I turn 24 this summer, it's about time that I get my life together. I know I keep saying that but this time it's for serious! I'm not going to lie, it kinda bothers me that I'm still in school because had I gotten my shit together when I got out of high school, I would have graduated already. Either way, here I am trying to get a degree and I still have no idea what it will be but at least I'm working on getting one. Also, will this be the year that I finally learn how to fly a plane, go bungee jumping and go skydiving? Who knows?
Maybe you should stick around and find out...