**I have no idea what's going on with the formatting, I can't seem to fix it. I blame Blogger for this.
So there was an earthquake yesterday and I kinda thought I was losing my mind. I was in the middle of brushing my teeth and my shower door started shaking a little bit. I just chalked it up to my neighbors' rowdy ankle biters. Then I realized that I don't share a wall with them so it couldn't possibly be his kids causing such a commotion. I stared at myself in the mirror, toothbrush still in my mouth, and my eyes got real big. The bathroom light started flickering, sort of like the light fixtures in dingy motels with vibrating beds. I poked my head out of the bathroom and saw my bookcase violently shaking. I have a little mirror and some lucky bamboo sitting on top of it. I went to grab those because the bookcase was moving so much that I they were going to fall over and break. I'm very attached to my bamboo, I named it Lucky (obvi!) and I talk to him every morning and every night...he knows a lot of my secrets.
I was honestly so confused as to what was going on. I was standing in my living room, toothbrush still in my mouth, toothpaste dripping down my chin and shirt, holding lucky and the mirror. It took me a few seconds to realize that it was earthquake. I stood there because I honestly didn't know what to do. Mommy and I never had an earthquake emergency plan when I was little. We live on the East Coast for crying out loud! We had fire plans and other such emergency plans if anything were to happen and we were at home. I did the only thing that was plausible at that point, I sat down in the middle of my living room floor and vowed that if I made it out alive, I would be nicer to Mommy and start on my 52 things list as soon as possible.
As soon as the world stopped shaking under me, I got up and smiled. I was damn sure glad that Mother Nature/Earth stopped her PMS and realized that Mackenzie had shit to do. Damn women always want to go around causing a stir! I heard my neighbor's kids screaming bloody murder so I knew that they were standing in the hallway. (please keep in mind that I'm still only wearing a t-shirt) I go into the building hallway to make sure that the kids were okay. I still had my toothbrush in my mouth, toothpaste on my face and I was still holding Lucky and my mirror. My neighbor looked at me like I was crazy and asked me why I wasn't wearing pants. Um, helllooo?! There was an earthquake, we could have died and you're concerned about me not wearing pants. Fuck you!!
My mom works in Tysons Corners so when I found out that the epicenter was in Virginia, all I could see was my mother under a pile of rubble that used to be her office building. I tend to get a little dramatic at times. I did everything short of sending carrier pigeons as a means of getting in touch with her. I couldn't get any calls or texts out because there was so much congestion and the circuits were closed. When my cell pops up a message like that it would be nice it they could also send an explanation as to what the fuck that shit means because I don't speak phone. After two hours of freaking out and contemplating driving into VA to find Mommy, I finally get in touch with her. They had evacuated her office building because of the earthquake so she went to Harris Teeter with her co-workers and got wine. WTF?! Do you know that I have been freaking out and worried that you were dead and your ass is out drinking wine as if everything was allhunkey dorey. Have you lost your everloving mind?!?!? I was livid.
I think that I would have much rather had a giant snake-worm-alien thing burst out of the ground instead of the earthquake. At least then I would have been prepared for it because I saw that scene in Men in Black (duh!). With the quake here, the one in Colorado, the one in Peru and the hurricane all happening in the same week, I'm convinced that the world is ending.
I just couldn't resist...