Sometimes I have a big mouth

I went to Barnes & Noble with my mother last night. She had to buy books on web analytics, snoozefest. We're standing there in the computer book section, where they have all that boring shit, and something just happens to catch my eye while I was looking at the books. It was one of the Eureka moments where the light shines on the object. It was Blogging for Dummies. There were three or 4 other blogging books too so I just grabbed them all and sat down next to my mother. I started flipping through it and my mom kind of looked at the stack of books weird. I was so consumed with attempting to educate myself on the finer points of blogging that I didn't even realize my mistake. I was looking through the Dummies book for a section on video blogging and low and behold, they had an extensive one. I got excited. Mommy had already gone downstairs to the magazine section and told me to hurry up if I wanted her to buy me something.

Smart girl that I am, I grabbed the Dummies book and put all the others back because books for dummies are better than any others, duh. I was practically skipping down the stairs because I was so happy. I honestly never would have thought about getting a how to blog book, it never would have occurred to me. Anywho, she was engrossed in her Better Homes and Gardens so I sat down and started flipping through my book again. Once she was finally ready to go pay, she asked me what I was getting so I showed her. As soon as I did, I immediately regretted it. The look on her face said it all but she wanted to make her point loud & clear. "Mackenzie, do you know what blogging is? I'm not going to buy that book for you so that you can read all about how you can screw up your life on the internet and then never be able to erase it. Employers check all sorts of social media and blog sites to find stuff about potential applicants. With your attitude, I'm sure people will be hesitant to hire so please don't give them another reason to not hire you. And furthermore, I don't care whether or not you're bigger and faster than me. If I ever find out that you have a blog, I will put you over my knee and beat your ass with a studded belt."

Umm, oops. So I have to make sure that she never finds out about this blog because she will make good on her promise and I like my ass without bruises. I spent some time last night googling myself and the blog, nothing came up except for a newspaper article about my grandfather's funeral. Talk about opening a whole new can of worms; my parents lied to me about what happened when he died. Who does that?!? I was old enough to understand the concept of death. Seriously, wtf? And apparently, he died two years after I thought that he did. What was doing during those two years and why the hell do I not have any memory of them?!

Anywho, I will be purchasing that Dummies book. I will also be reading the vlogging chapter and I solemnly swear that I won't post another video blog until I'm a professional, thank you very much. You can thank me later.

I'm itching to get another tattoo or get a piercing. When it comes to putting holes in my body, I have to be careful about that because of work. I can't do my lip, eyebrow, nose, general face area. I can't get my belly button pierced because I'm not 16 anymore or on Spring Break in Daytona Beach (or wherever the kids go these days). Maybe I'll get another hole in my ear, the jury's still out on that one. I really want another tattoo, I want the final one, the one on the left side of my ribs. I promised that myself that I would only get it as my reward for being myself new living room furniture. I still haven't done that shit. I need a money tree or I just need to become Nancy Botwin, minus the affair with the President of Mexico.

I'm going to try and create another playlist in the next couple of days but in the meantime, I'm going to stalk the shit out of your blogs. Be kinda grateful that we're not friends on Facebook because I would stalk the shit out of your pictures, your wall, your life. Yeah, not weird at all.

Also, this weekend is the Taste of DC. If you're in the DC-metropolitan area, you should really check it out because it's a lot of fun. I will not be able to enjoy it as much because I've signed my soul over to the event all weekend; I will literally be working 12 hour shifts all weekend. I keep telling myself that working all event will keep me out of trouble; it doesn't sound as convincing as it should because trouble seems to just find me. But seriously, go to the event and give me (and the Red Cross) your money. It's for a good cause. Thanks in advance.


**If you guys google my blog and you actually find anything pertaining to me, please let me know so that Mommy Dearest doesn't beat my ass, literally. Thank you kindly.