Things happen for a reason, right?!

Things are good and life is good. Things with the Corporeal are great so why is it that I can't get a certain person out of my mind? Every time I think about him, my heart beats a little faster and my palms get sweaty. It's not even like I would rather be with him or anything like that. I don't know what the hell it is. I found this little gem online and it all made sense...

Boys smell like an unidentifiable musk. Each one comes with his own unique fragrance and the second you come in contact with it, it’s locked into your memory forever. Because even though it’s hard to pinpoint exactly what it is, you’ll smell it for years to come. You’ll smell the boy who used to love you in the summertime at a grocery store when you’re 25 or maybe even 30, and it will stop you dead in your tracks, temporarily paralyzed by a memory. You feel like you don’t have a right to sniff that smell anymore so you make a beeline for the exit and get the hell away from it. You go home and drown yourself in your own perfume and try to erase its mark.

Last time I checked, I had no desire to actually be with him. I think that I just miss the way things were and all the things we used to do. As I wrote that sentence, I realized that we never actually did anything though. So basically, I miss not doing anything with him... does that even make sense? I don't even know what I'm saying but in my mind, it totally makes sense.

The other night, I had a dream that I was out with Little Chief Swag. We were walking down the street and holding hands, I was laughing at whatever stupid thing he said. It was so real, so familiar but then all of a sudden, his girlfriend showed up and I literally started to disappear into thin air. I woke up in bed next to the Corporal and for some reason, I wasn't expecting him to be there. It was almost as if I was half expecting Little Chief Swag to be there; it made no sense, considering I went to sleep in the Corporal's bed. I woke up in some guy's bed and I dreamed  about a completely different guy. WTF? There must have been something that triggered my memory and I didn't realize it until I was asleep. I think know I'm rambling, sorry.

I feel like the only reason I keep thinking about him is because his stupid little girlfriend keeps tagging him in pictures and they keep showing up in my newsfeed. She's not even pretty, I'm sure she's a stupid bitch. Yes, that is my jealousy talking and no, I don't care if it makes me sound childish. Perfect quotes for moments like these...


  1. I occasionally remember something about an ex-- and either cringe or wonder-- what would it be like now.. Now that we are older, now that we went through what we went through together.. I sometimes wonder what it would be like if they had our experience with someone else and then we met... ect, ect. I am engaged.. so I do feel a little guilty from time to time thinking those things, but they don't happen enough for me to second guess my current relationship, and usually when they do happen, there is some underlying issue I am trying to work out... It's not always apparent at first-- but i usually conclude that I am idolizing something that never actually was-- and that the present moment is what I should be paying attention to.

    But the smell thing.. That really gets me.. Anytime I smell HUGO BOSS, automatic first kiss alert. :P

  2. Moving on from somebody is the hardest thing in the world. Sometimes we think we are making a lot of progress until BAM! One whiff of an old cologne, or one dream, and suddenly all those old feelings come crashing back into your mind.

    My best advice? Accept what can't be changed and make the most of what you have, such as Corporeal. To use myself as an example, sometimes I get plagued by old memories, old ghosts...but I have this new girl now, and she makes me happy so I'm sticking around.