I'm too old for this drama

My mom is dating this guy named Ray, he looks like a half Black, taller version of Mr. Myagi. I'm not even remotely joking. His mom is Filipino and she is the cutest little thing I have ever seen. She's 80something years old, all of 5 foot nothing and feisty as ever. Ray said something to her, evidently she didn't like it because she told him to "shut the fuck up!" True story. This little old lady has the foulest mouth I have ever heard from a woman her age/size. Anyway, my mom's bf's brother was having a BBQ and she begged me to go because she didn't want to go alone. For some reason, she doesn't like his family. It wasn't until I got to know them that I understood. They are the most twisted bunch of people I have ever met in my life. First of all, all of Ray's brothers might as well have been the age progression or regression of him. They all look so much alike and they all drink like fish. Ray's younger brother, Stan, has to be the most corrupt of the bunch. He's 55 years old and he was all over me like flies on shit. Seriously, back the fuck up before I punch you in the throat. He kept giving me shots and beers and telling me how pretty I was. Thank you but seriously, stop touching me. He followed me around the BBQ like a dog, telling me all sorts of shit about him when I couldn't care less. I finally had to tell him that regardless of how many shots he gave me, I was never going to sleep with him or date him. He didn't seem to like that very much. My mom keep telling her bf to keep his brother away from me or there would be serious consequences. Ray and his brothers were all hammered, they all hit on me at different points throughout the day. Ray kept hugging me and telling me how happy he was that I came so that I could get to know his family. I was counting down the hours until I could leave. It was awful. The brothers started fighting, physically, at one point. Ray's daughter told me that I should come over and hang out sometime. I have no desire to do that because I think that you're crazy. It was awful. There isn't even a way for me to write it down and do the craziness any justice. There are so many things wrong with their family. Maybe one day, I'll devote an entire post to their shenanigans. 

Anyway, I was on my way home from that shitshow and my friend called me. He told me to come to a cookout. He told me that it wasn't at his house but he wouldn't tell me whose house it was until I parked in front of the house. Mike and I went to high school together so we've been friends for quite some time. He knows exactly what kind of shit I will put up with and the kind of shit that I refuse to tolerate. He specifically didn't tell me whose house it was until I got there because he knew that if I had known that information ahead of time, I wouldn't have shown up. He's tricky like that. The house happened to belong to this girl named Amanda. She hated me in high school and I'm fairly certain that she still did. There was no way that I was going in that house. Mike and D-Mo, who just got out of jail after serving a three year sentence (our HS produced real winners!), assured me that we were all older now and there shouldn't be any drama anymore. I believed them. I went into the house with them. All the guys were ecstatic to see me. I hadn't seen some of them since graduation, 5 years ago. They all looked so much older and so much more mature, it was weird that they didn't have their baby faces anymore. We talked about what we had been doing since graduation and all that good shit. Most of them had spent some time in jail (again, our HS produced real winners!) or they had babies with the ugly bitches they were messing with in high school. I had been there not more than 15 minutes before the drama started. I seriously might as well have been right back in high school. Amanda came out into the backyard, saw the guys talking to me and that's when shit got "dramatic". We had several honors classes together back in the day so there was no reason for her to act like she didn't fucking know me. This rude ass bitch (I'm getting pissed just writing about it) stomps her way over to where I was standing and sticks her hand out, as if she wanted me to kiss it.  No bitch, that's not fucking happening. She tried to go hard but I shut that shit down real quick. Stupid fucking bitch asked me what my name was, I told her it was Maxine. Not technically a lie because in high school, the guys used to call me Max or Maxine (I have no idea where they got that shit from) but I still respond to both. It got real quiet after I told her my name and you could cut the damn tension with a knife. She stood there awkwardly for a second and stared at me as if she expected me to say something else, I stared right back because I wasn't going to make small talk with her. I really should have been the bigger person and thanked her for letting me come/asking if it was okay for me to be there but that's what she wanted so I refused. She walked away and the guys were the ones that commented on the fact she really tried to carry the shit out of me. Seriously bitch, if you want to try that, please bring your A-game because I'll shut your bitch ass down real quick. I'm getting seriously heated just thinking about it again. So anyway, she walked away and went back to her girls. I recognized all of them, they had all gotten fatter and uglier since graduation. Am I the only girl in my graduating class that hasn't gotten fat, had kids or gotten married?!? You know how catty girls are, that's exactly what happened afterwards. They stood on the other side of the backyard, huddled together, talking about me as they looked right at me. Stupid bitches. If I have something to say about someone that bothers me, I'll be adult enough to say it to their face...provided that I like them, but if I don't like them, I'll just let them act like fools. Here's the thing about these girls: I am absolutely nothing to them and they are absolutely nothing to me. I keep trying to remind myself that but it still bothers me. We've been out of high school since 2006 and you still act the same damn way?! I feel sorry for you. I feel sorry for the fact that you are so consumed with me and the way that I live my life/go about my daily functions that you feel the need to talk shit. Honestly, that just means that I'm doing something right. I turned right around, said my goodbyes and went home. Bitches, you win by default because I'm not going to argue or defend myself to the likes of people like you. I know that they'll never see this but that's fine, I just need to get it off my chest...

This is a special thank you to all the bitches that hate on me. You and your trashy friends are completely irrelevant in the way I live my life on a daily basis. I'm really sorry that you are so clearly unhappy in your own life that you feel the need to bring other people down to your level. You can try as you might but that's not happening with me. Thank you for acting as childish now as you did in high school and making me look like a better person when I didn't even do anything. I feel bad that you are the way that you are and you'll probably pass that on to your children...god help them. I'm really too old for all the drama, I don't have the energy for it anymore. Talk about me as much as you want, that just means that I'm one step ahead. 

Song of the day, totally appropriate...


  1. Lmao @ your mom's bf's family! Back when my mom actually dated she had a bf who also had a CRAZY family. This reminds me of them. I should blog about it lol. & you should def devote a whole post to their shenanigans.

    As for the girls - I know you're not sweating it, but I'll continue to remind you to not sweat it. Girls can be so catty and foolish, it's really disgusting and it makes me not want to f-ck with them in any capacity. Unfortunately, men don't appreciate my love for shoe shopping, nail polish, and bad reality TV so I just make do.

    I'm glad you shut her down though :]

  2. This is why I read your blog: "Seriously, back the fuck up before I punch you in the throat."

    It sounds exactly like something I would say. = )