Holy Hell!

Please blame Twilight for my lack of attention in the blogging world. Damn you vampires for being so entertaining. But seriously though, I had to take a break from the series before I started Breaking Dawn because it was honestly consuming my life. I came home from work on Monday night, plopped down on my couch and didn't move until about 330 in the morning because I refused to get up until I had finished Eclipse. Anyway, I spent a good majority of Tuesday catching up on my sleep because I was super tired for some reason. I'm not even trying to be sarcastic, I have no clue why I've been struggling to function for the passed couple of days.

I ended up going to a Nats game with my BBF and a bunch of people that she works with last night. That was an experience, to say the least. Let me explain myself. I met up with my Biff at her friend's house; there were a few people there that I recognized from going into the restaurant and there were a few people that I had heard of but never actually met. Farrah (I'm only using her real name because I don't give a shit at this point) was in the second category. Her reputation really does precede her. The first glimpse that I got of her and her outrageous personality was actually quite tame; looking back on it, that was only because we were at someone's house and that was a somewhat controlled environment. Before we left the house, Farrah had to go to the bathroom and put on her lipstick; it was fuchsia. I'm not going to sit around and judge anyone because I'm really in no position to do so. Please keep in mind that we're going to a baseball game. This is what this chick was wearing...

Farrah's the one in the middle

Again, I don't judge people but sometimes, I question their decisions. I had nothing but fucking questions last night. The shenanigans started before we even go to the metro; this bitch flashed some guy out of the sunroof of the car that she was riding in. She is in love with Lady Gaga. That's fine, you can do whatever the fuck you want but it really isn't necessary to scream the lyrics to her songs while we're waiting for the metro. It was 6:30 in the evening at this point; we were still in the middle of commuter rush hour.  People were staring at her as she was humping the air, while holding one leg up. Don't act like you don't know what I'm talking about, I'm pretty sure that that's a sex position that everyone is familiar with. There were families, with children, around us; parents were literally covering their children's eyes so they wouldn't see her in all her raunchy glory. It seemed that the more people stared, the more of a scene she caused because she wanted more people to look at her. My mother did not raise me to act like that in public and she certainly didn't allow me to have friends that acted that way in public. I was mildly cringing at that point but I still would have vouched for her had someone asked me to (don't ask me why, I do stupid shit sometimes).

I should have known that getting on the same metro car as everyone else was just a bad idea. My embarrassed was only just starting to surface that that point. Farrah was poledancing on the damn metro. Everyone was staring. The worst part was that not only were they staring at her but they were staring at us because we were essentially guilty by association. She was holding onto the overhead metro bar and pulling herself up so that she could wrap her legs around this guy's head and hump him face. I'm not kidding.  Pick your jaw up, it gets better. You saw what she was wearing in the picture, she was dressed as if she was going to work the corner at sundown. Who wears that in public, during the day, to a baseball game?!?! When she got bored of doing that, she would go back to poledancing. My BFF was getting mad because apparently Farrah wasn't doing it right so, of course, she had to show her how to do it correctly. Biffles executed the move properly but then proceeded to get crucial rug burn from the metro carpet. That's what you get for acting a fool, bitch! Don't even let me catch your ass doing that shit on the metro again because I will hurt you. It's trashy and should only be done at the strip club or in your basement. Anyway Farrah was talking to random men because apparently she has pretty crucial "daddy issues" and she just wanted to know what it felt like to be loved by a man. I don't care if your father has been porking you since you were 5, stop acting like a fucking whore in public! We had to switch trains in Chinatown to catch the connecting train to the stadium. (For those of you that aren't familiar with the DC metro rail system, Chinatown is a huge station where several different metro lines connect so it's always a clusterfuck). Farrah saw that as the perfect opportunity to cause another scene. She started screaming Lady Gaga lyrics again and then for the finale of one of her songs, she just fell out onto the dirty ass metro platform. Nobody really stopped what they were doing, nobody really cared. They just assumed that she was just some crazy bitch on drugs. Unfortunately, she was sober.

We finally make it to the stadium and a couple of us were plotting how to ditch her so that we could watch the game in peace. It didn't quite go as planned. We were standing in the ticket line and it was as if she had never heard of the term "verbal filter". She was talking about how she just wants to S some rando's D; there were children in the line. Parents were glaring at her yet again. We asked her nicely to tone it down because of the children and she went on tirade about how parents shouldn't shelter their children because they'll turn out fuck up when they get older blah blah blah. Farrah, it's not your fucking decision as to when someone else's child should stop being sheltered; that decision belongs to the parent, you can't force  the "real world" on them. My embarrassment was starting to reach its peak and I would have no longer vouched for her at this point.

Walking up to our seats was an adventure. She had to wave and smile at everyone man that looked in her direction. My protective instincts kicked in when I happen to glance behind me and saw people taking pictures of her as she walked away. i seriously had to suppress the urge to yank their phones out of their hands. I could feel my blood starting to boil because taking a picture of someone without their consent is  an invasion of privacy. Yes, I completely understand that she's dressed like a whore at a baseball game but still. The randoms and their picture taking totally bothered me. I will, however, die laughing if she ends up on this site in the "Hot Mess of the Day" category. Anyway, we finally make it to our seats and she was actually calm and composed for awhile. And then she got bored. My BFF moved down a row to get a baseball tutorial from this girl that went with us so Farrah moved up to sit next to me. We actually had a pretty civilized conversation about life and things like that. She's actually a nice person a once she stops all the crazy shit. The girl that was sitting a few feet away from us was a lesbian and she was talking about vags with somebody else that was in our group. Farrah agreed that they were gross. She starts going through her phone to look for pictures and then she shoved it in my face. It took me a few minutes to realize that it was a picture of her shaved vag. I'm just going to repeat that one more time. She showed me a picture of her shaved vag with her fingers in it. We have officially crossed the line into completely inappropriate. She has a 30 second attention span so when she heard the song that was playing, she got up and started giving somebody that was with us a lap dance, in front of a shit ton of fans. Security had to come over and tell her to take it down a notch because this was a family event.

I knew that we were ditching her and her "keeper" by the end of the night because there was no way that I was going to be seen with her any longer. Because Farrah's stockings/leggings left much to the imagination, she decided to change that. As we were walking to the metro after the game, along with THOUSANDS of other people, she decided that she was going to pull her shit down and let her ass hang out. It gets better...she was slapping her own ass and moaning while one of our friends was giving her a piggy back ride. That was where I decided to draw the line and refuse to be seen with her ever again. I don't know how the rest of her night went and I don't care what kind of other scenes she caused. Biffles and I walked to a bar ten blocks away and caught the metro from there.

So, how was your Tuesday night?!